Not a Chance

By David Glenn Cox

She’s back! Kari Lake is back and she’s mad as hell and she’s not going to take it anymore. She wants a recount! And she’s hired a team of the best legal minds to help her litigate this election. She finally made the decision. After Ms. Lake’s apparent election defeat her brain trust was divided. Concede and walk away with your head held high and your reputation unblemished. To live again and fight another day or…

Take the path she’s chosen and scratch and claw in the alley all the way to January. Ms. Lake’s hopes depend on finding more than 17,000 votes in a recount. It’s never happened before, but you never know until you try. That’s the litigating part.

And never mind what the numbers of the voters AT the polls said. Instead, ladies and gentlemen. I want you to think about what  the numbers of voters who Weren’t at the polls said. And what they would have said had those six voting machines outside of Phoenix not broken down for an hour and caused long lines.

They want to build a case out of sugar cubes that the election somehow wasn’t fair. Because of long lines and six machines that stopped working outside Phoenix for an hour. But this was “The Big Decision” for Kari Lake. Crossing the Rubicon, one side of her camp was trying to tell her without coming right out and saying it.

Now is not the time. That ship has sailed. It’s been tried before, and it doesn’t work. Have you looked at the weather channel lately? And seen which way the wind is blowing? Every single election denier candidate LOST.

But Lake believes that simple fact has nothing to do with her defeat. Despite her being queen of the election deniers. “No, don’t be silly. It has nothing to do with us, it was just them! They all ran bad campaigns.” She, on the other hand, ran a flawless campaign and was defeated by sheer incompetence chicanery and 17,000 votes!

Loren (low rent) Boebert leads in her race by a scant 551 votes which triggers an automatic recount. In a full recount 551 votes is close but is still at the outside range of overturning an election. So, obviously the hunt for 17,000 votes is trying to prove the moon is made from green cheese. She must prove that several entire polling places weren’t counted. Whole communities were forgotten. Oh, shit! We forgot to count Tempe!

I’d bet, Vegas would be willing to adopt some of your money if you would like to wager on Lake’s possible recount success. It’s kind of like that half-time stunt. Where someone from the audience and gets a chance to shoot a basket from half court for a pot full o money. Now, add in drunk and blindfolded. A three-legged horse winning the Kentucky Derby long shot.

So why do it then? Why spend the money? (it’s somebody else’s) What’s to be gained if only a lightening strike could let you in? In the words of the late Rip Torn, “This is it folks, I don’t dance!” This Kari Lake’s whole shtick. The snarling demonstrative condescending know-it-all candidate, forced to live in a world filled with the most awful people. Stupid incompetent fools and boobs at every level. The Simpsons Mr. Burns in a dress.

So how could she ever be expected to hold her head up high and walk away with her dignity intact. Thank her supporters and her staff for all their hard work. Maybe wipe a faux tear away from her eye at the lectern  and start planning for next time. Not a chance!

“You won’t have Dick Nixon to kick around anymore” because; I’m not leaving! I’m not going anyplace! If you stupid incompetent fools think you can get rid of Dick Nixon that easy over some mutt and a couple of million dollars! Then you stupid idiots have another thing coming!

This is Kari Lake’s brand, contentious cantankerous and condescending. She demands a recount! Cause that will make headlines. And headlines lead to name recognition. And that name recognition leads to being that fightin Conservative darling, ready to spit in your eye and burn down the public library, if necessary.

Voters from the other forty-nine states probably won’t notice her odd or abnormal behavior. They will only see the 30 second sound  blurb about that spit in your eye fightin Conservative. She’s a darling in Conservative media,  and the new flavor of the month status doesn’t last forever. For Lake, it’s now or never.

There were even questions about Kari Lake finishing out her term once elected. It was suspected that she might be tapped for the number two spot beside to the orange oaf. (Sarah Palin taught them nothing)

Why sure, a TV anchorwoman with two years of experience as Governor of Arizona for Vice President. Backing up the garrulous aging cheeseburger gobbler washing them down with the concoction of carbonated toxic waste known as Diet Coke. (You’re really asking for it, America. Skating on the edge.)

But if you remember, those of you without short term memory loss. Remember all those Republican campaign advertisements which ran nationwide of late. DOOM! INFALATION! WAR! HIGH GROCERY PRICES! And the ever-popular MIGRANT INVASION and HIGH GAS PRICES! The voters responded giving Republicans control of the House. So, the Republicans are planning their strategy of how to tackle these mighty monumental issues of the day.

But first, let’s investigate Hunter Biden. Never mind inflation, what inflation? Gas prices are coming down anyway, but Hunter Biden? They obviously didn’t hear what the voters were trying to tell them. They are growing tired of the silly ass angertainment. The candidates pushing the big lie all lost for the same reason. It was a poor platform to run on that depended on voter anger and outrage.  And you can foment that energy, but you can’t sustain it or transfer it forever.

Donald Trump announced his third run for the White House to a rousing chorus of ho hum. “Is he at it again?”

Trump and the Trump brand are growing toxic inside of a Republican Party trying to move on and reform like the Terminator. The Party knows that they can’t win with Trump. And that a Trump nomination will lead them all down the drain to an ugly and ignominious defeat in 2024.

Kari Lake will follow her idol’s path and fight, fight, fight! Hire lawyers and make baseless accusations. Point fingers and get angry! Because until Kari Lake gets elected to something. She can’t be nominated for something better. Understand?

She’s only here for the beer and can’t wait to blow the dust off her shoes from this crummy little state. Her eyes are set on visions afar. She’s a Conservative darling. The flavor of the month and that won’t last forever. A half-term governor for Vice President maybe. A cantankerous embittered election denier Trumper, not a chance.

You don’t need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows, unless you’re Kari Lake.

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