To Trade it All

By David Glenn Cox

Many years ago, as I was cutting the grass. The neighbor’s dog ran past me headed for the main road. A big auburn Afghan hound. Beautiful but dumb as a bag of hammers. The neighbor wasn’t my bestie but lived next door to a bestie, so we were acquainted.

I’m not going to let a loose and well known to be “dumb” dog get to the main road if I can help it. I took off in pursuit of the dog but was too late. I arrived just as car met dog. Fortunately, a big red Afghan hound bounding into traffic was easy enough to spot. The dog was only frightened but otherwise unhurt.

Then the dog looked up at me and looked at the car then it lit out for home, like it was on fire. I followed the dog again and told the neighbor what had happened to the dog. The neighbor thanked me for chasing after him.

But from that day on until the end of creation that dog hated me. If I would walk by and the dog saw me, it would go nuts. I was responsible for that tragic traumatic event. I did it! It was me! I made the dog jump the fence. I put the bright idea in his head to go running into traffic! It was me that made him run away faster, as I called after him chasing him down the street at a full gallop.

Jim Jordan and the gas house gang, just as fast as they could get their hands on a printer. Have sent out letters to everyone with a last name at the Justice Department and the FBI. Nobody move! They’re going to interrogate correction; I mean interview everyone. For hours and hours and days and days about everything that ever happened for the next two years.  

Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Republicans! “Tell us again about how many times he used our government restroom facilities each day.”

Just that fast, all concern about inflation and MS-13 evaporates into smoke. As the dog turns to bare his teeth at us and growl. If you had “Two-year Amazon Hiking Adventure” or “Live at the South Pole” on your bucket list. Now, might be a good time to make your travel arrangements. There won’t be anything going on for the next two years, domestically speaking.

A whole lot of “Mister Speaker; we call as our next witness. The third shift cleaning lady, soon retire in a million-dollar condo in Boca Raton.”

“That’s right, then he crumpled up that paper and threw it in the trash can! I could tell he was up to something.” What with him being my boss and never actually having met the man before. And so, ends our coverage of day 293. Of the Congressional investigation into “Wait, wait, we’ll find something!” or “We told you we’d get even one day!” And then what did your daddy say?

The Republicans aren’t even waiting for their new offices to be readied. Revenge is job one and there is no job two! Jim Jordan has promised to bang on his gavel from sunup to sundown trying get to the bottom of whatever he can dig up. Jimmy Stewart won’t be building any boy’s camp during this Congressional session; we’re building the dam you!

This is all the Democrats fault you know. They didn’t have to impeach Trump you know. Either time! The Democrats were just out to get Trump. They made him break the law! They could have just looked the other way and let him run wild down the street. Doing whatever wild and crazy thing it was he wanted to do. Help Russia strangle Ukraine perhaps, by withholding aid to soldiers on the front line. The Democrats could have just ignored that. It’s no big deal! What’s it to you? Huh?

Now, it’s our turn. We’re going to teach you guys a hard lesson about going after any lawless Republican Presidents on our watch. Because even though everyone conscious knows Trump is a criminal. And even though, no one wants Trump in the Republican Party anymore. And even though, we fear the upcoming Presidential contest with Trump in it. We’re still coming to get you!

This is a DoD project. (Defense of Donald) And the principle must upheld; that if the Democrats think that they can go after and prosecute a lawless renegade Republican President, they’ll get you back! How dare you prosecute OUR lawless President. Sure, Trump’s a crook and a con man and a charlatan, but he’s ours!

And that doesn’t give you any right to go around prosecuting on him. Where do you get off trying to do your job, you apple polisher, you!

The Republicans loathe Trump like a Russian soldier on the front line loathes Putin. But they had formulated this vengeance Crusade back when Trump was still popular. We’ve now seen how rapid the deflation and decay of the Trump isotope has been. Apparently, the half-life of the American halfwit is not so great as once feared.

Give it another six months, (In the name of MAGA,  I declare this Ace Hardware store…Now Open!) The sands are rapidly shifting and running out, yesterday’s plans are beginning to look a lot like… yesterday.

Show them another monkey, a new one! Then kick it in the ass to get it started. Get it to dance and then watch as the crowd goes wild!

Their plan is to work the Republican base up into a white foamy froth with daily bombshell revelations of criminal activity inside the Justice Department and the FBI. They weren’t nice to Trump, you know. “Let’s get Em! Let’s take em out in the alley and beat the shit out em.” Leading up to the inevitable prosecution of ring master of this three ring Satanic inferno we call a government, in the person of Joe Biden.

Back in 1941, after the British lost the battleships, Repulse and Prince of Wales in quick succession. Parliament was out for blood and looking for scapegoats to cashier. So’s to look tough for the home folks.

 Churchill knew that there was still a long war left to fight. He knew if Parliament ever got a hold of the Royal Navy and started assigning blame and cashiering officers. That no one would ever make a decision when it was called for, ever again. Out of a fear of being wrong and strung up from a yardarm. So, Churchill went before Parliament, and he took the blame. Because he knew that no one wanted his job.

In the name of revenge and purely revenge, the Republicans begin their two-year (I’ll get you, my pretty!) crusade. Hopefully, there won’t be any serious domestic crisis which arise from time to time, where we might need an FBI or Justice Department. I feel confident that by ripping them apart in pursuit of a political vendetta, that no one will ever make a decision when one is call for, ever again. Out of a fear of being strung up from a yardarm.

Childish, bordering on insane. The Republicans are no longer even a real political party. They are the grievance and stunt Solid Gold Dancers. They have no goals whatsoever, but to rake in as much as they can for their masters before the wheels all fall off. More of a street theater performance group. The not so Merry Pranksters. The not so ready for Prime-time Pranksters.

Willing to forsake everything that they just campaigned on, and to trade it all for petty revenge! Republicans still out breaking windows and starting fires in trash cans, all in the name of Good Conservative government. Now, with more Real problem solving!

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