Waiting for Kevin

By David Glenn Cox

Boom! The Republicans have been given control of the House and stand poised to tear each other to pieces over it. The battle for Speaker heats up as Kevin McCarthy boxes up his things in anticipation of his move to the Speaker’s office. But Kevin calls them “Haters.” Because he needs 218 votes to become the Speaker and struggles to reach that threshold.

Their Republican margins are so thin that any divergence of opinion sinks the entire endeavor. But Kevin really wants to be speaker and feels that he is entitled to job. And the only issue the Republicans can agree on. Is that they don’t want Kevin.

Some Republicans are looking to right their ship. Feeling that Kevin’s legacy as a Trumper, seditionist and coward. Puts forth the wrong image for the modern Republican Party. They’ve come to bury Trump and not to praise him.

 Kevin is Trump’s shadow, and they don’t want it leading the Party. Only slowly does it dawn on them that until Trump departs. The Republicans are stuck with him like an ugly stain on the rug.

So, the battle heats up. Some Republicans wanting more Trump and a majority that want less. But until they can agree on a speaker, they’re lost. You don’t need to be a genius to understand that the Republicans LOST elections that they felt they should have won.

Herschel Walker was by far the worst and most unqualified and ridiculous candidate in my lifetime. He was not just an embarrassment to Republicans, but to the American system of government as whole. Kari Lake though literate was hardly much better. Trump anointed them both and so ends the Trump magic.

But there are big doings down at the honeycomb hideout! Republicans are plotting to bring in a mystery speaker. Yes, it’s true. You don’t have to be a member of Congress to be elected speaker of the house. The reason it isn’t done more often besides Kevin McCarthy. Is why should you appoint some unelected yokel to lead your private club?

You got yourself elected! You campaigned and kissed ass to get elected. Do you want to turn over your future to an outsider? Well, it only goes to show the confidence the Republicans have in Kevin’s leadership abilities. The Republicans are ready to draw names from a hat before choosing Kevin. It speaks volumes! It isn’t that they don’t know Kevin well enough, it’s that they do!

Mystery date, are you ready for your Mystery date? Don’t be late it might be great! Open the door for your Mystery Date.

So, who will it be? Some retired unincarcerated Republican to give them some starch in their collar that wet noodle Kevin can’t? Without doing any research, I’m not sure that it has ever been done before and for obvious reasons. If you can’t agree to choose a leader from amongst yourselves, where do you think  you are going? It’s all very hush, hush.

My guess would be eye of Newt. Newt Gingrich as the Republican’s try and pivot away from “crazy in the head.” Newt would lend that air stability from those Pre-insurrection days of yesteryear in the Republican Party.

That’s my guess, because there just aren’t that many Republicans out there with coattails, dumb enough or vain enough to take the job. They’d be starting as an outsider with two strikes against them. There would be resentment among those Kevinites. The simmering resentment that they passed over one of their own for an outside interloper.

But those Republicans remember fondly, how Newt relentlessly attacked the Clinton Administration. That’s what they want. The want headlines and personal attacks and invective that Kevin simply can’t provide for them. They want scandal and inuendo. Hearings and investigations because they simply can’t win running on their own Republican policies alone.

Look at Herschel, he dumb assed his way through his campaign. Kari Lake smart assed her way through hers. “If elected, I’m coming after you guys!” What were the goals for their Administrations? Nothing! They hadn’t been told yet. They were just seat warmers until someone better came along. They had no agenda or plans to lead. They were just billionaire proxies.

Trump calls to abandon the Constitution and Republicans ignore him. As if to say, “pay no attention that crazy old man! He’s nuts and who cares?” Ready? Because the Republicans want to move forward and understandably, not look back.

Herschel Walker earned 49% of the vote in the Georgia runoff election. Do you know how dumb that makes the average Georgia Republican voter look in the eyes of the world? An amoral playboy who couldn’t keep his dick in his pants. A mental midget who couldn’t handle a job at a drive thru. But the citizens of Georgia were ready to turn their futures over to him. Well not actually Herschel, but the people who told Herschel what to do.

This is where they’re at, ashes and dust. A political Party cratering post Trump. Every four years, the Democrats pick up a new state in each Presidential election cycle. First Nevada, then New Mexico, Colorado, Arizona and now Georgia. At last count there were only fifty states. While during this same time period the Republicans have picked up exactly none. Zero, zip, zilch! Math can really be an unmovable unfeeling bitch sometimes.

The conservative media plague gives Republicans somewhere safe to spout their nonsense. Their racism and anti-Semitism. But don’t take it personal, they hate everyone! That’s the name of their game! Those darn migrants and those darn transsexuals trying to use the restroom. Those Gays! Those Liberals! Those Blacks! Everybody is out to get them and planning it as we speak.

A heavy streak of paranoia runs through the Republican Party. Maybe shoot up an electrical substation or two, to protest a drag show. We’ll show them Drag Queens what for! How dare they live their lives the way they want in my community!

The trouble being that Trucker and the whole Faux News crew does bang up job for the propagandized and the paranoid, the dim and mentally ill. But is has the opposite effect on everyone else. It does a real good job of keeping those already frightened, scared. But outside of the echo chamber it has the opposite effect and so their circle continues to get smaller and smaller.

The Republicans head towards 2024 on their back foot. They’ve got to make this work or else. They must bring in someone vicious, vexatious and tenacious, to rip those Democrats apart. Expose Democratic scandals if possible. And to make them up if necessary. This is their plan. To stir up as much crap as possible to help their election chances in 2024.

Sure, it didn’t work last time. And it didn’t work the time before that either. But what else have they got? Or are you waiting for Kevin to come up with a bright idea?

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