Just Outside of Illiterateville

By David Glenn Cox

Apparently, a new virus has been loosed upon us. The virus has been named by researchers as Madness 2023. It has infected the Republican Party and appears to be spreading rapidly. Mississippi Poohbah, Tate Pappy McDaniel’s Reeves has signed a bill to outlaw electric vehicle stores in the state.  

Because um, because um, Republicans are wedded to fossil fuels and electric vehicles are bad. Dr. Fauci drove an electric vehicle you know. What more proof do you need?

This is Mississippi and they won’t be dragged into this century without a fight. Clearly, the electric car manufacturers aren’t making the right campaign contributions in Mississippi. That’s the way things operate in the plantation state. A Florida Republican wants to outlaw certain flags but rather than say which flags will be outlawed the bill only provides for which flags can be flown. Hint, hint, the Confederate flag is approved, but rainbow flags didn’t make the cut.

Reich’s Fuhrer DeSantis is trying to take the liquor license from the Hyatt Regency Hotel in Miami for allowing a Drag show to be performed with children in attendance. The Hyatt maintains that they only  rented the hall to a vendor. And their vendor put on the Drag show not them. If you get ticket driving a rental car, you send it to Hertz, right? This is all their fault; they rented the car.

Mike Pence, that stand-up laugh riot sweeping the nation tells a homophobic joke at the Gridiron dinner. Pence polling in the high 1 to 3% among Republican voters assumes a little homophobic ugliness will help his cause with conservative voters. An Oklahoma Republican wants to allow corporal punishment for mentally disabled children. Sure, now there’s a good idea for ya.

The Tennessee Senate passed a bill to codify discrimination against LBGTQ Americans. Gee, what’s wrong with this picture? Doctors say the symptoms of Madness 2023 are a high fever with a loss of general comprehension. Followed by a need to grandstand and to make insane statements, followed by a sudden loss of elections.

A Republican state Senator from Minnesota opposes free school lunches because he says he’s never met a hungry Minnesotan. But how many eight-year-olds has he actually spoken with? How many hungry children travel in the same country club circles as a Republican state Senator? The virus has gone nationwide and appears to be spreading rapidly.

Let’s review, electric cars bad. Beating disabled children good. Rainbow flags bad but Confederate flags good! Free school lunches bad, hungry children good! Drag shows bad, punish the landlord good!

The virus is believed to have escaped from a facility near Palm Beach where orange apes are known to be housed. The virus has been spread by a large orange ape. Who maintains if Mike Pence had just gone along with his coup attempt, January 6^th never would have happened. The virus was then spread by a Fox throughout the Republican Party.

The Florida Reich’s Fuhrer says Ukraine is not in our vital interest. Much in the same way Republicans once said Great Britain wasn’t in America’s vital interest in 1939. Just give him the Sudeten Land and half of Poland and part of Czechoslovakia and it will all turn out just fine. Ronnie’s madness infection was exposed by a questionnaire from Tucker TV dinner Carlson, now with more brown stuff.

But the Florida Fuhrer is still playing in the minor leagues and is just out to oppose anything the Democrats favor. It is another symptom, logic and common sense evaporate in the face of the virus.

In Missouri, gun purchases are tax free and the shortage to the treasury is made up by taxing food. In Texas, Republicans want to make it illegal to share information about abortion pills. Sharing information shall be considered a first class thought crime and thought criminals shall be sentenced to room 101.

George career criminal Santos wants Joe Biden to take a competency test. Oh, he’s got it bad, and it may be fatal. When the one man in Washington who should most know to keep his big mouth shut starts to tell others they need a competency test, you know it’s bad. George career criminal Santos will singlehandedly cost the Republicans their House majority. And every time he opens his mouth, he takes another Republican from their seat in the House. George is a known carrier of the illness and should be quarantined immediately.

Not unlike leap frog, the Republicans jump over one and other trying to prove they are the most Conservative on the block. And polling shows that Republican voters want the craziest candidate available, even if they don’t stand a snowballs chance in hell of possibly winning an election. (point to Mr. Trump)

It all makes sense inside the echo chamber. It all makes sense to the Fox News audience. They welcome Fascism with open arms because they don’t understand. Today it’s LBGTQ or Liberals that are the enemy tomorrow maybe African Americans, Hispanics, or Jews. And then, no one will be safe including their own children. The Party of small government wants to control what you do and say and what you think. They want to regulate behavior and opinion with laws.

Attempting to turn back the clock to time that never really was. Back to the good old days of lynchings and murder. Back-alley abortions and a Gay Jim Crow. Back when religious groups like the Klan were free to pursue their Christian beliefs without fear of legal harassment.

Never in the field of human politics, has one political party been so determined to completely destroy themselves. Reich’s Fuhrer Ronnie places himself in direct opposition with the Republican Senate and the Republican establishment. (No checks for you!) Almost handing the Party nomination over to Trump. And Trump can’t win.

Declaring open war against segments of American society that Republicans don’t like or approve of. It makes McCarthyism look like an Archie and Jughead comic book. Detached from reality, angry vicious and mean, they suffer from this disease for which there is no cure. They will garner 100% of the Madness 2023 vote and lose every election just outside of Illiterateville.

And what will destroy the Republicans is demographics and not Democrats. The echo chamber thrives with the walk-in bathtub crowd of older Republicans, but the voting population is getting younger. Ten years ago, Republicans campaigned against Gay Marriage and lost badly because of it. Another symptom of Madness 23, an inability to learn from their mistakes.

In the end this is only a logical progression. The Piped Piper of Mir a Lago took them on a jaunt through the forests of madness and has now attracted a herd of cheap imitators.

 Name something, name anything that Donald Trump has put his hands on that hasn’t gone down the tubes with a loud woosh! The cure  for Madness 23 will be a sound drubbing in 2024. It is likely few Republicans will survive. As ugliness is Unamerican. Maybe thought crimes and beating handicapped children are perhaps a bridge too far.

“Better the occasional faults of a government that lives in a spirit of charity than the consistent omissions of a government frozen in the ice of its own indifference.” ― Franklin D. Roosevelt