“It Ain’t Easy Being Me”

By David Glenn Cox

Legendary Comedian Rodney Dangerfield would famously grab at his tie and say, “I don’t get no respect!” Welcome Mike Pence, the new Rodney Dangerfield of Republican Politics. Wait! What? What did Mike ever do to get no respect? Oh right, I forgot. He upheld the constitution. He refused to go along with Donald Trump’s insane plan to overthrow Democracy. Well now, that explains it then.

The litmus test for Republican politicians is did they support the January 6th sedition. Or are you one of those mamby pamby RINOS? Do you support Trump or the lawful government of the United States? And if you support Trump, no matter how many bodies are buried in your backyard, you’re in. Marge Tater Greene? Welcome, so glad you’re here. Mike Pence??? Who let him in?

Mike Pence as best we can tell, served honorably for four years during the Trump Administration. More honorably than Trump did at least. That couldn’t have been an easy task. “It’s Trump on line three again sir. He says he wants you to do him a favor.” Your immediate supervisor is Donald Trump. That couldn’t have been easy. And Mikey avoided the pitfalls of so many others who had Donald Trump as their immediate supervisor. He’s not under indictment.

They, the government want him Pence, to testify against Orange Judas and Mikey puts up a fight about it. Isn’t that good enough? He’s trying to fight off a legal subpoena. He’s at least trying to dodge the law.

He doesn’t want to put the finger on Donald Trump. He doesn’t want to sing like a canary. He doesn’t want to be a stoolie, but he’s emotionally torn. Tell the truth and rat out Donald Trump or lie like a rug or take the 5th Amendment. If he does lie, Pence will be living in the shadow of the next shoe to drop. The next witness to testify.

And he’s working without a net. A Mike Pence go fund me account won’t save him. He wouldn’t draw enough cash for a breakfast at Denny’s. He’s too…sane. Yes, sane. Well, sort of sane. Not sane in the classical sense of walking around normal sane. He does have that creepy Norman Bates quality about him that would make you nervous to be alone in a room with.

Suddenly, the mild-mannered Mike Pence drops the façade and becomes Mr. Hyde. He only appears sane against the back drop of the modern Republican Party. He‘s that elderly substitute teacher called out of retirement trying to regain control of the rowdy class and gets no respect. They just won’t listen to him about anything.

“I asked my father if I could go ice skating on the lake and he said, wait until it warms up some.”

Ask yourself, if you were having dinner in hell and Marge Tater Greene was sitting on one side of you and Mike Pence is on the other. Who would you ask to pass the salt?

So, the hapless Mike Pence stumbles into the lion’s den of the NRA. “I just flew in, and boy are my arms tired. I don’t get no respect.” They booed him! A hometown boy from the local mean streets made good and they booed him. “Gees, I must be in Philadelphia!”  

Why? Mike Pence hasn’t done anything to the Nutty Republican Association. No, sir, no wrong at all. He supports every maniac’s right to own an assault weapon. He even agrees with Donald Trump that it’s a spiritual problem, like Donald Trump would know anything about that.

 It is only because Satan had several millennia head start that he became the undisputed spiritual leader of three quarters of mankind. No one wants to see Donald Trump gone from this dimension and inducted into the Army of evil more than Satan. He’s old and lazy and uncomfortable with the competition.

Satan that is, but I understand the confusion. It’s so easy to get the two confused.  Snake with apple probably Satan. Snake without apple probably Donald Trump.

It begs the question though, Is the NRA just that pro-Trump or did everyone else stay away? Many of the cult favorites and the also rans, phoned in their regrets and excuses as no shows. Ron DeSantis was busy dealing with the Florida floods. Oh, no, wait. My bad, little Ronnie was in New Hampshire having dinner with his new friends.

No more monster trucks rallies warm beer and country music for him, he’s moving up in the world. Something, a lot of people in Florida wish they could do. The two most popular things in Florida are the beaches and the road out of town.

It is the sensitivity issue, as some of the borderline pale orange candidates felt that in the wake of recent mass shootings. Maybe they should stay home and wash the car and phone in their regrets. But for the Trumper’s it’s full speed ahead. “Shootings? What shootings? He’s here you know! Donald Trump is in this very building! Aren’t you excited?”

Inside the cult, the cult can only grok what they see inside the cult. They don’t see and can’t understand how it looks to those outside the cult. Those outside the cult understand that the cult can’t win all by itself.

So, poor Mike Pence just made that one little mistake. But it’s getting better for him! Look on the bright side. They just booed Mike this time, but no one erected a gallows or threw anything. He’ll win them over eventually. But Mike says he’s not running for President. Hell, I knew that, but if Mike isn’t running. Might I ask, what’s he doing there then?

“I just thought I’d stop by and give ya’ll a great big Indiana welcome to all my gun toting Bros! You may remember me from several years ago? I’m not running for nothing, I just thought I’d stick my head in the door and say “Hi.”  BOOO!

Given the choice of following the law or following Donald Trump, Mike Pence chose the law. And for that one little lapse in judgment. Mike Pence will forever be remembered as the man who disobeyed Trump. And thus became the most hated Republican in America. If that doesn’t tell you something about the sorry state of the Republican Party today. I don’t know what does. At their very core they are at bedrock, disloyal to the constitution.

They have no issues with a George Santos. No issue with expelling legislators they don’t like for chewing gum. No issue with corrupt judges. No issue with mass shootings. No issue with taking other people’s rights away. No issues with much of anything. “Donald Trump is in this very building! Aren’t you excited?

“I remember the time I was kidnapped, and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.” ― Rodney Dangerfield

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