By David Glenn Cox
Comedy thy name is Ron DeSantis. Little Ronnie is visiting Japan this week at conservative tax payer’s expense to “Attract Japanese investment in Florida.” But the actual reason is to burnish up on his foreign policy credentials for his dead Presidential campaign. Plus, visit a country where he isn’t always the shortest guy in the room. Now, the Japanese are far too polite to laugh out loud, but it must have been a struggle.
Yeah right, invest in Florida. The Governor at war with Mickey Mouse the state largest employer is certain to land investment from a major Japanese corporation. At a press conference, Ronnie praised the cleanliness of Japanese cities. Which have no comparison to the sun-bleached crime ridden ghettos of Florida.
But you must admire little Ronnie’s never say quit attitude. Florida is facing a rent crisis and an insurance crisis which are threatening to undermine the state’s entire middle-class population. It is a dagger to the throats of Florida Senior citizens. Not to mention climate change which is the greatest single threat to a large urban population since Atlantis. But Ronnie’s motto is: “If you don’t believe in it, it can’t hurt you!”
Ronnie was asked about his Faux pas and laughably said he wasn’t a candidate. Well, he had been a candidate before he made all those mistakes. And if you’re going to ask him questions about his mistakes. Well then, he’s not a candidate. I sure do admire Japanese restraint. I would have bitten a hole in my lip trying not to laugh.
The math breaks down something like this. Little Ronnie trails the big bad Trump by double digits. Trump is estimated to hold 30% of the Republican vote. Which means, Ronnie can only expect half of that amount. A recent poll showed the MAGA movement is preferred nationally by only 25% of the voting public. Which means, little Ronnie is at least as popular with Republicans as Kid Rock or Bud Light. He’s guaranteed half of a half of a quarter of the electorate.
Trump having no such Japanese restraint unloads on little Ronnie by saying Ron needs a personality transplant. And it’s hard to disagree, which makes the Japanese restraint even more admirable. Ronnie doesn’t smile often, but when he does you wished he hadn’t. He has a sinister Vincent Price smile, “Hey look! Ants! Where’s my magnifying glass? Are we evicting the orphans today?”
It doesn’t help that Florida has passed legislation to impose the death penalty. Because Ronnie’s tough on crime not because he’s running for President. Ronnie really likes the death penalty. It takes him back to his salad days at Guantanamo. “Waterboarding? That sounds just like surfing to me! Sure, that’s legal!”
Mama taught me at her knee to always look for some good in people. And Donald Trump will keep this conniving, slimy little weasel from getting anywhere near the White House.
Ronnie’s battle plan was sound, he was going to out Trump, Trump. The war on Disney and the book burnings, oops banning. Were all intended to make Ronnie look like a tough-minded conservative. But it all began to unravel when he escalated his war on Disney. And then, Disney hoodwinked him at the battle of Reedy Creek. And all Ronnie could answer was, “I’ll get you, my pretty! And your little dog too!”
Then the national numbers came in from Ronnie’s book banning campaign. “They hate me! Who told you that?” So, Ronnie was Johnnie on the spot and began a new campaign. He’s not banning books! It’s a campaign by “Woke People” to defame him by saying he’s banning books. Pay no attention to those empty book shelves, it’s all a “woke” optical illusion.
Little Ronnie is up against the clock and will be term limited out of the Governor Mansion. He can’t wait four more years. But Ronnie’s biggest problem is the Orange Jesus problem. How can he hope to out Jesus’ orange Jesus when the cult loves orange Jesus?
Orange Jesus has a personality and sure, it’s mentally deranged criminally bent and twisted. But Trump can punch little Ronnie’s lights out with verbal assaults all day long and Ronnie can’t hit back. Trump can say that Ronnie has the personality of reheated Tofu, and all Ronnie can do is smile and answer “Good one.” He’s not allowed by the Cult to say anything about orange Jesus besides “hosanna!”
And besides, with Ronnie’s personality deficit he couldn’t think up a witty response if he wanted too. Until some advisor whispers in his ear and Ronnie shouts, “Your mama!” But Ronnie can’t even do that and so is doomed. He can’t say anything about Trump except, “He’s a fine fellow.”
It is rare in politics to see a career rise and fall this quickly. Andy Warhol promised us all fifteen minutes of fame, and little Ronnie will be lucky to get ten minutes. He is a man with a brilliant future behind him.
Only the nuclear option can save Ronnie now. Reports say Trump has been seen without wearing his wedding ring. What woah! My personal belief is the burgeoning Trump out grew the ring and had to have it cut off his portly finger. But…what if???
What if on top of all of Trump’s other legal troubles, divorce is added into the mix? Woo boy! Now that’s excitement. I can see Trump at the convention, “Pay no attention to that woman! I only married her because I felt sorry for her, and she needed a green card!”
Husband was cruel to me and threw ketchup bottles! Husband was very crazy! Husband cheated on me with Porn star! Who could have expected that? But short of a Trump divorce little Ronnie is finished like the promotion department at Bud Light.
Peter Thiel is a billionaire who doesn’t own his own Supreme Court Justice yet but likes to fund Republican campaigns. But Pete has put his checkbook away and says he isn’t financing a Republican nothing this time around. He blames Republican politicians like little Ronnie for focusing on hot-button issues. Instead of focusing on the serious important Republican issues, like making life easier for billionaires.
The real answer is clear enough. The Republican Party is in a shambles and you don’t get to be a billionaire by financing a disaster.
“This is the thing to bomb. This is the beginning—from “I” to “we”. If you who own the things people must have could understand this, you might preserve yourself. If you could separate causes from results, if you could know that Paine, Marx, Jefferson, Lenin were results, not causes, you might survive. But that you cannot know. For the quality of owning freezes you forever into “I”, and cuts you off forever from the “we”. ” – John Steinbeck
This Carbon Based Life 