The Mascot

By David Glenn Cox

I smell a plant; Micki Larson-Olson is the fawning Trump ex-con who looks like she’s dressed up for the introduction of McDonald’s new sandwich “The McRedneck.” Dressed all in red, white and blue from head to foot (Shiny! Look shiny!)  from the new bionic Village People. Like Carrot Top Trump needs props. Remember Blacks for Trump? Diamond & Silk? Edgar Bergen and Charlie McCarthy?

No relation to Kevin McCarthy as Charlie was a wooden headed puppet with a hand up his back dreaming of being a real boy. While Kevin is a wooden headed puppet with a hand up his back dreaming of being a real speaker of the house. The Republican budget is out, and boy oh boy, is it ever unpopular! “Lemmings paging Lemmings. You have an emergency call on the white courtesy telephone.”

So, who logically does Trump need to make with the buddy-buddy Best Friends Forever with? Remember now, we’re talking about the dumb cousin fuckers here. Don’t try and over think this. Don’t aim too high and don’t use your big words. Stick to your cliches!  (Shiny! Look shiny, shiny!)  

So as the orange Cult tells it, Donald Trump is this cracker-Jack champion of a human being. Who was unfairly robbed of his right to overthrow the government. He’s so innocent he makes Jesus blush. So, you’ve got these ex-cons, see? Caught in the whirlpool of Donald Trump’s persecution delusion. Why not adopt a stray? Here’s fifty dollars run down to the Party City and gussy yourself up some.

A foil for Trump and a mascot. Trump needs a supporting cast. I remember when Kellyanne Conway used to wear those crazy red, white, and blue outfits. This is more so, more of the same running on empty desperation and mainlining it (Shiny! Look shiny, shiny!)  Can flaming whirling batons being tossed into the air be far off? Plate spinners maybe? Monster trucks? An organ grinder?

This isn’t just mindless idiocy. This is planned out mindless idiocy, “Now Micki, you’ll be playing Kellyanne’s part. Now, when I say Action! You gush and don’t hold nothing back. (Shiny! Look shiny, shiny!)  It gives dystopian a whole new color scheme. The low-grade voter dumb cousin fucker band wagon approach. 1983 and ten months.

“Who me?” The lady in the red, white and blue outfit with silver streamers in her hair. “Me? I just love you, Donnie. I went to jail for you, Donnie. I didn’t rat you out Donnie! Not like some people did!”

I Donald Trump have forgiven you! Go forth and riot no more!

Create a comic book character your average dumb cousin fucker can relate too. Dress her up like a cheerleader on bad acid trip through Professional wrestling. Someone they can remember without remembering her name. And you have arrived. (Shiny! Look shiny, shiny!) Dumb and dumber.  

When we go low, we go lower still! What a plan, it’s love your ex-con supporter’s week. Trump embracing and endorsing an ex-con who embraced and endorsed Trump’s big lie. “You see? It wasn’t an insurrection after all, it was just few god-fearing patriots who let their patriotic fervor get a little out of hand and broke a few windows.

“Come out, come out from the shadow’s my children. Orange Jesus is your friend. I won’t judge you! I won’t let your multiple felonies jaundice my opinion of you. People accuse me of crimes all the time too! Look, I brought you something. This is you! You, if you had no fear what others might think about you. See? She’s dressed up like a clown, but she’s your clown. She’s shiny and you like shiny, don’t you? Yes, I know you do.

And the ratings are in for Ron DeSantis and his steamroller his way to the top tour 2024. Chairman Ron is just unpopular overseas as he is at home. Apparently, his London debut didn’t go well. Described as low energy schlock and aww. What could Ron possibly have to offer? “I just stopped by to get my picture taken in one of your many famous old buildings.”

What must that look like from the British perspective? Half-pint Cowboy Joe, six gun on his hip. Tasmanian Devil from the alligator and sunburn  capital of the world. Stuffing bacon in his mouth while growling and drooling about “Woke” while banning books and fighting with cartoons. I’m surprised the Brits didn’t stop him at the airport. I bet they just scratched their heads in wonder.

Maybe that’s what Ron needs is a shiny mascot to give his campaign a little class and shot in the arm. “Maybe we should get us some of that reform too daddy!” Like the Fox/Newsmax battle. “They fired Tucker! I’m going to Newsmax!” They fired Tucker, so they are all a bunch Bud Light Gay leftists as far as I’m concerned from here on out. It is sad in a pathetically funny sort of way. Children who if they don’t get their way stomping their feet to whine and complain. And some say it’s not a cult.

Speaking of whine, ole Sam Alito the conservative Supreme Court Justice without a scandal this week. Complains he doesn’t understand the kerfuffle and thinks the courts corruption is being judged too harshly. (Shiny! Look shiny, shiny!)  You go out there and talk to them! You aren’t accused of anything yet! Drop hints that you think maybe you’ve found the leaker. When the court’s shoddy document handling was most likely to blame.

Tell them it’s a big break in the case that doesn’t matter anymore. (Scandal! Look scandal, scandal!) My dear Mr. Watson,  the leaker was dunt, dunt dunt dah! Stay tuned friends for the exciting conclusion of “The Edge of Credibility.”

But…another day and another scandal as Chief Justice Robert’s wife is accused of raking in millions as a corporate head hunter. Finding attorneys for law firms with potential cases before the court. Maybe they need a mascot? Someone to gush when they belch.

This is where they’ve fallen to; and they know who their voters are, and they know what they like. This the new orange Jesus campaign style. Calliope music, chimps on roller skates or a dog riding a skateboard. Don’t try and explain it to them, just make them happy for a minute. Give them a show…Action! And make it look real this time!

“If hells in store for us someday, one of its most refined forms of torture will be to lock a person naked in a room filled with framed photos of his era.” ― Günter Grass