This Carbon Based Life

Ron initiating his probe into Bud Light

By David Glenn Cox

Someday Ron DeSantis may be known as the Grinch who stole Florida. Banning books and firing elected prosecutors isn’t good enough. Fighting with Mickey Mouse and woke corporations driving away jobs and firing policemen, still isn’t enough. Ron DeSantis now goes after free passes and discount cards for Disney employees. Oh, heaven forfend! Florida is getting ripped off to the tune of two million dollars by free Disney passes.

And they wonder in the DeSantis camp, “what’s gone wrong? Why don’t they like us? Why isn’t it working?”

Now, let’s do some freehand supposing. What do Disney employees do with those Free passes? Sell them on the Black Market and get rich beyond all imagination. Trade them for drugs and have unspeakable sex acts performed on themselves or use the passes to take their kids to the Park? I know that for me, going to work on my day off isn’t always my favorite plan. But if the kids wanna go, I’ll take them.

Working at Disney World while having small children places the pressure on a parent to take the kids to work once and a while. It’s like being Willy Wonka, are you going to deny the kids the Golden Ticket? Years ago, before the world went crazy. Disney management decided it was easier and prudent to offer their employees well-regulated free passes. Disney’s intent wasn’t to put one over or defraud the state of Florida.

But Governor Red Chief wonders why his ransom keeps going down. The right hand doesn’t know what the other right hand is doing. It was just last week; Governor Red Chief was hinting at Disney. That is if they would be willing to drop their lawsuit for retaliation against Ron. Why, he’d be willing to be reasonable too and let the whole thing go and forget all about it.

Nothing says, “Strong” legal argument quite like pleading with the plaintiff to drop the whole thing. “Let’s just shake hands and be friends and forget all about it, huh?”

Or maybe, Disney didn’t make nice with the olive branch and so gets, “Oh yeah! I’m gonna take your Free Passes Disney! Ha, ha, ha! Just you try and stop me! Ha, ha, ha! Then, it’s the free coffee in the breakroom! Yeah, and those deodorizers in the lady’s restroom. They’re gone too, so forget about em!”

Two and a half million dollars for an operation like Disney World is peanuts. For an operation like the state of Florida 2.5 mil is nothing. And Ron does this and doesn’t think anybody is watching or making the connection. The dollar amount is dwarfed by the stupidity of the flimsy argument. I suppose the state is also getting ripped off by giving away free hand sanitizer. Why not bring back pay toilets?

It points to a one-brain campaign. Rule One, the boss is always right. For any questions, see rule one. A campaign committee approach might have lobbied against raising the pettiness stakes against Disney. Considering Ron is in the midst of being sued by Disney for retaliation. “You know, it sort of looks like more of that retaliation stuff, they’ve been talking about. Has Ron questioned any other theme parks or amusement attractions  about their free pass programs?

“You know, for every week you work here at Earl’s Mini Golf. You get a free round of eighteen holes and a free medium Slurpee. And you can get an extra free round of mini golf on your birthday!”

It is a fight that if Ron loses, will make him look small and if he wins, will make him look even smaller. A comic/tragic figure. A spineless George Wallace wannabe.

Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead! It points to a mono thought one-brain shoot from the hip campaign. And if the campaign staff doesn’t agree, we’ll then we’ll just get a new campaign staff! A little bulldozer who can’t stop himself from being petty and petulant. Ron can’t see the pettiness or how it looks to the casual observer. He thinks we won’t notice or understand what Ron is up to.

This is the largest employer in the state, not some invading horde or pandemic to be managed and legislated against. No need to place orange barriers with razor wire around the park just yet. From the beginning, Ron saw a battle with Disney as the perfect vehicle for his Lancelot versus the Bad Ole Woke dragon stage play. Yes sir, with an issue like that a cunning politician could go a long way among the rubes and mindless Republican voters.

And for just a minute, it worked. It generated headlines and attention, and all attention is good attention, right? For a young campaign trying to overtake the orange wizard. But just as quickly, the details were eclipsed by the meme. “Man fights Mouse!” Any way you slice it, it just looks comically (Michael Dukakis riding in a tank) dumb.

It’s no different from “Miracle on 34^th Street.” The good one with Ed Gwenn and Natalie Wood. You can’t prosecute Santa Claus! Dude, you’re fighting with an American Icon known the world over for goodness and wholesomeness.

You might go after a coal company, oil company or Internet provider or something, but going after a company represented by Mickey Mouse makes Ron look small and comical. And it’s probably Ron’s own misguided idea too. I’m certain it has something to do with campaign leadership changes. But as the campaign leadership changes, the policy stays the same.

“Oh, It was a legitimate bust alright. That sled was double parked, and Santa didn’t have a valid insurance card on him. He was giving stuff away to little kids. He’s a bad Santa Claus!”

All of Ron’s lawsuits, suing everybody and everything. Ron’s calling everything and everybody woke, but where has it gotten him? Falling in the polls and the butt of Trump’s jokes. Spending millions just for a strong third place showing. The two term Governor of Florida is tied with a nobody in the polls for second and third place. The two term Governor of Florida is tied with a man most Americans couldn’t pick out of  a line-up.

That is an epic Greek tragedy and the more he did it. The more it didn’t work for him. But he couldn’t stop doing it, so he did it again. And every time Red Chief did it, Red Chief’s ransom went down. But Ron just can’t make the connection between with fighting with Mickey Mouse and looking small and comical.

“who wishes to fight must first count the cost”
― Sun Tzu