This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

My fingers trembled at the keyboard with the excited thought that Lauren Boebert won’t be the last Republican member thrown out of the public theater. The overnight reviews are in, and the reviews are disappointing. Impeachment inquiry gets from lukewarm to roll your eyes looking away disgusted reviews. It was clear the Republican Party position was from somewhere around not interested, to get it away from me.

If we put on our spy glasses, I suspect there was a phone call made by Kevin McCarthy to Matt Gaetz. “Look! I tried, but this shit just ain’t selling. No one else is into impeachment but you and Marge.” Later that same day, Gaetz calls for terminating McCarthy as speaker with a laundry list of Reich wing talking points. Yes, yes, where is that subpoena for Hunter Biden? You know, important stuff like that!

Kevin then accuses Matty Mouse of working with the Democrats to get Eric Swalwell his committee assignment back. Euphemistically called an “ethics complaint” aka, revenge removal. Boom! The shot heard around the nerd. Matt accuses Kevin of being unfaithful to the cause and Kevin answers Matt is a traitor and working with our enemies! Traitors in our midst!

Finger pointing and name calling! Always a staple in the last act of a tragedy with loyalty oaths and purity tests. “You are loyal comrade, but are you loyal enough?” You know things are bad when mommy and daddy fight all the time about fidelity.

Forgotten in this American family in crisis was that Kevin McCarthy was no one’s first choice as Speaker. Kevin wanted the job real bad, and nobody else could be agreed upon. So, they gave the job to Kevin on the condition he do everything every Republican member ever asked. And at any time, any one member could pull the plug on Kevin’s reign. If any one member at any time felt least bit unhappy about anything.

Gaetz threatens to pull the pin on that grenade and blow the Republican congress sky high. Hello? Ya hear? Ain’t nobody else wants the job! The Republicans were stuck with Kevin and are still stuck with Kevin. As bad as Kevin might be, who could replace him? (Calliope circus music) Speaker Gaetz or Speaker Greene?

Going into budget negotiations and possible government shut down looming Gaetz is willing to split the Party now, over this? Over fealty to Donald Trump. I mean over impeaching Joe Biden. The orange one has been getting a lot of bad press recently. And the Don wants to change the subject and make everyone stop looking at him with that look on our faces.  The plan has been a revenge impeachment all along to satisfy the orange one’s burning anger and lust. But if that plan won’t work, then burn the house down!

For Republicans in the house, it’s a bad look. Crazy, hazy, and lazy. And if you thought they were rudderless and directionless before.

Speaking of revenge, the soap opera part of me wondered if the recently divorced Lauren Boebert didn’t intentionally get herself thrown out of that theater. Just to show her Ex she was out on the town with an unnamed stranger, living the life of Riley in the big city. Making a point to show off for the cameras how much fun she was having getting bounced from a public theater. She took a selfie on her way out; I wonder who and where she sent it to? “Having a wonderful time without you around Dickweed!”

Hearing the story and watching the video my first thought was …mushrooms or DMT.

The pettiness of revenge porn fits her like a glove. I can picture her priming the escort, her unnamed gentleman caller. “Now remember, you let me do all the talking when they start to throw us out.” When do grown up adults get thrown out of a theater?

Twirling under the stars with her unnamed beaux, she was happy leaving the theater. Some people might be upset or angry at being asked to leave. Lauren was happy, I wonder why? Maybe if she keeps her date out late, she has to pay for another day. Now, they can get down to the main event, and she can get him back to the garage before the meter rolls over at midnight.

Deacon Mitt Romney announced he won’t be running for reelection. Mumbling something about it being time to step aside and let a new Pepsi generation take the lead. Very clever, very clever indeed. Mitt says Joe Biden and Donald Trump should both step aside. Mitt knows like we all know; Mitt doesn’t speak for Democrats. He is saying, DONALD TRUMP SHOULD STEP ASIDE! And I’m out of here when the lease is up!

Romney is crying uncle, enough, enough! I’ve had enough of this crazy shit! “Jane! Jane! Stop this crazy thing! Jane!”  

The titular head of the Party is under multiple criminal indictments. A gaggle of courtiers and sycophants face similar legal jeopardy throughout the bones of the Party. Senior Party leaders announce their intentions to bail just five minutes before the shit hits the fan. Before the coup inside the coup, the hidden orange hand, and the struggle for power.

It is hard to imagine how it could ever look worse for the Republicans but stay tuned, somehow, I suspect it will. Either the Republicans will swat down Matt’s objections or they will move towards removing Kevin and replacing him with god knows what. In the middle of a budget fight too. It was what, fourteen ballots last time? And Kevin was running unopposed for the job.

The scorched Earth of a Party eating their own in a revolution, evolution, and devolution within itself. Running for the exits as the flames begin to consume the theater. Trump whispers “Make Show!” Create for me a distraction between the failed impeachment and shutting down the government.” Full tantrum and full spasm angry unable to agree on the time of day except to vent their anger, rage, and comeuppance.

Pioneers crossing the continent in wagons called seeing the American west, seeing the elephant. A euphemism of seeing something wonderful for enduring something hard and miserable.

Republicans are reading the tea leaves and seeing the future and seeing the elephant. Life in the ashes and life in the Party among the ruins.