This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

Boom! Another day, another epic Republican failure. After an unprecedented investigation of pure smoke and mirrors by house Republicans against the Biden family. Boom! It all falls flat, yet again. Hunter Biden was subpoenaed to testify before House Republican (privately) You testify, we interpret and pontificate on the testimony which no one was allowed to hear.

The Biden legal team literally stuck a broom handle into the spokes of the investigation and sent house Republicans flying. Hunter Biden smiles and says, Sure, I’ll gladly testify…publicly. Let the sunshine in, Motherfucker! House Republicans answered with “Wha, wha, wha? You wanna testify publicly? You, you, you can’t do that! Because…ah, ah, because ah. Just because!”

The Hunter Biden mouse that roared and terrified the Republican elephant. Representative and house committee chairman Republican James Comer accuses Young Biden of wanting to “play by his own rules.” The paper says PRIVATE! Who does he think he is? Wanting to testify publicly when the paper says PRIVATE! Who does he think he is? Boy, the nerve of that guy!

But the bloom is off the rose now and young Hunter will testify publicly or not at all. Leaving the Republicans with two possibilities. Either the Republicans will allow the third act of their stage play to fall flat or they will leave it alone and wait for public amnesia to take hold.

How can they let young Hunter testify publicly? To publicly defend his reputation in front of the cameras and beyond the interpretation of House Republicans and Fox News. Another Republican house failure to throw on the pile with all the others.

Inside out, outside in? Nikki Haley lectures her followers that in recent polling she beats Joe Biden in a head-to-head race by ten to thirty points. That’s wonderful, only she trails Trump significantly. “I think I can. I think I can, I think I can!” She can beat Joe Biden hands down, but she can’t beat Donald Trump. Comically trying to use logic to sway would be Trump voters.

 Like asking cows to sign peace petitions. Logic is a long and rocky road to attempt with a cult of personality. Haley could also point out that Trump is a crash test dummy in a speeding car headed for a federal brick wall. But she wouldn’t dare say that! She can tinker around the edges and hint that maybe perhaps, sort of sort of, maybe Trump is not the best candidate. But Nikki wouldn’t dare give them both barrels.

The Emperor has real nice clothes on and is a real good Emperor, but I can beat Joe Biden and he can’t! See no evil, hear no evil and speak no evil. Mention Trump is facing 91 legal charges? Nope, crickets! Trump tries to overthrow the government? More crickets! Mention Trump’s increasingly bellicose authoritarian detached rhetorical comments? “What comments?”

Haley prefers picking fights with Ron DeSantis, the near lifeless corpse of the early Republican bloom. A man so far ahead of his time, he got lost before he arrived. So long, best of luck to you in all of your future endeavors Ron. We have some lovely parting gifts. Including a lovely set of Samsonite luggage and Rice a Roni, the San Francisco treat!

This week little Ron DeSantis of Tallahassee will debate California Governor Gavin Newsom for some unknown reason. When the debate was first announced, Ron had planned to use the debate to bolster his Conservative credentials as fighting scrappy Ron. Now as Ron’s sun has begun to set, and it’s all become so pointless as Ron drifts off towards the shoals of obscurity.

Ron can take criticism, but he just can’t dish it out. Donald Trump has brutally trolled Ron DeSanctimonious for months. Trump said Ron was like rewarmed tofu and was missing a personality. DeSantis doesn’t answer back because he can’t. You can’t say Jesus has stinky feet. Thou shall not speak unkindly about der Fuhrer. Seems to make for an unlevel playing field.

Trump can sit on his perch and pick off his opponents one by one with sarcasm. But his challengers dare not say a world back, and they better watch their mouths or else!

The dividing line in the Republican Party is Donald Trump. A fault line and a casim miles across. The cult faithful still believe orange Tinkerbelle can be saved with enough cheers and acclamations! The other half of the Republican Party understands that you can’t enter a dead horse in a horse race. Trump’s legal liabilities and electoral deficiencies means almost certain defeat in November. Yet, they hold their tongues or be strung up by them.

A defeat made worse by inept Republican house leadership moving swiftly from failure to failure. Zero percent of the Conservative agenda accomplished. Pointless blood feuds toppling speakers, pointless hearings, and fishing expeditions. Show the committee where the bad old Social Media touched you! They said what? The nerve!

Dylan said, “Money doesn’t talk it swears” and the Republicans are having money problems. The big money boys are saying, “no” to Donald Trump. Saying in effect, you can pick Trump as your nominee if you like, but you’ll do it without my checkbook!

The Jimmy Jordan Experience, Matt Gaetz and Marge Traitor Greene. Kevin McCarthy and Mike phallic reference and of course Lauren (Beetlejuice) Boebert. Don’t hold her hand, you don’t know where it’s been.

Now the prospect of Hunter Biden testifying publicly leaving house Republicans stuttering. House Republicans wanted to shoot fish in a barrel and never expected the fish to shoot back at them. House Republicans wanted to talk about Hunter Biden but now they can’t. They don’t want to talk about Donald Trump because they never could, it’s not allowed.

Welcome to fantasyland! You can talk about this, but you can’t talk about that. Keeping that North Korean space cadet glow, “Oh, our sacred leader is just so wonderful!

“Maybe it meant something. Maybe not, in the long run, but no explanation, no mix of words or music or memories can touch that sense of knowing that you were there and alive in that corner of time and the world. Whatever it meant.” ― Hunter S. Thompson