This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

No, no, no, no, no. No leniency for white-collar criminals. If you’re gonna give some crackhead who never had a chance in life anyway. Twenty years for holding up the 7-11 then a like sentence needs to be applied for holding up the state of New York.

Screw loose serial liar and Jon Lovitz impersonator George Santos is in negotiations with Federal prosecutors with the aim of avoiding any jail time. If ever anyone ever deserved jail time it is George Santos. This guy keeps failing up with a lifelong series of crimes and accusations. Stealing clothes and stealing cell phones. Before stealing a seat in Congress. Scams and rip offs and probation for this habitual offender should be off the table.

After being booted off Capitol Hill George lands on his feet making money on Cameo. Appearing at GOP Christmas parties. “Hey George! Come on in buddy. Merry Christmas, have a cup of this seven-year-old Tennessee eggnog.” Disgraced? Hardly!

The man is a career criminal. George holds no notoriety besides his criminal adventures. There is still the burdensome question of how three quarters of a million dollars showed up in George’s bank account from an unknown source. When asked George replied, I made it myself with this mysterious job I once had that no one could verify ever existed.

Someone, some person or persons unknown aided George in his criminal effort to defraud the citizens of New York. And nobody should leave the building until we find out who that was. We don’t know yet who financed the operation, and we’re talking about probation? No, no, no, no, no.

George is accused of wire fraud and misuse of campaign money, fraud, and theft by deception. What instrument did George use to commit these crimes? Only the Congress of the United States. Surely, if we defend the sanctity of the 7-11 with harsh criminal justice the Congress should also be defended likewise. George should get 20 years, if just to knock that smirk off his face.

George hopes he can write a check and walk away from it all. Would you take George’s check? I’d want cash. Free, Scott free to pursue new frauds and criminal endeavors based on his notoriety. But George with his scams has pissed in our national punchbowl. He has brought shame and ridicule and lowered the esteem of the entire Congress worldwide. George makes a clown show of our government to line his own pockets, probation? No, no, no, no, no.

Breaking rocks on a Louisiana prison chain gang in July is too good for George. You don’t make a fool out of the United States and walk away.

“What we have here, is a failure to communicate. Some men you just can’t reach.

So, you get what we had here last week – which is the way he wants it. Well, he gets it.”

I wonder how many hard-boiled eggs George could eat? George is a brazen and unrepentant criminal. George pleads not guilty as his co-defendants plead guilty to the same charges. George attempts to rise above his station as a common everyday thief. Never has any man lied more about everything in less time than George Santos, becoming a parody of himself and his party. They should name the prison or the hospital he’s sent to after George Santos.

To make a 20-year study to discover how a petty swindler could rise to Congress. What with American exceptionalism, I want better than just a petty swindler. I would like to think our Congress is criminally smarter than the average bear or at least creative in their activities.

George is a national embarrassment and should not be allowed to profit from his crimes. “If I did It” – By George Santos. Grifting on his notoriety to fleece the public and retire in gentility! Ahh, the American way! Make that score on your way to the Ferrari store.  The time grows short and the leaves fall in September George has but a short watch, best used before Summer 2024.

“Hi, this is George Santos for LifeLock. Don’t let someone like me steal your valuable credit card information and fuck up your life!”

“I know! Without the right skills, it can be tough to find and keep that good Job. This is George Santos for Acme American Home University.”

“Sometimes it can be hard keeping stuff straight in your head. This is George Santos and when you can’t seem to get a grip try Poligrip!”

The Republican majority under the reign of Kevin the terrible, coddled, and preserved George as just one of the boys! Oh sure, we all have our peccadillos. They have now disgraced their party and dragged it through the mud only to preserve one largely meaningless vote. Five votes or four vote majority, no big difference.  

George may now go free to commit new crimes, but the taint will hang over Congress as long as the memory of George lasts. The political party which welcomes criminals, thieves and fraudsters into their ranks.

But George Santos is only Donald Trump in miniature, without the gloss or the cult support system. What Trump looks like with the 3-D glasses or beer goggles missing. What he looks like with that space cadet cult glow removed.

A cheap petty criminal out to steal with both hands anything his grubby little fingers can reach. He just wanted those top-secret files to read by the firelight on cold winter Florida evenings. Just to remind him of the good ole days. He had no intention of ever selling that information. Of heaven forfend! No, no, no, no, no.

“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.”― Groucho Marx