This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

As is his fashion, Donald Trump takes aim at any opponent showing forward momentum. This week in the crosshairs, Nikki Haley. Now that the wreckage of the Ron DeSantis campaign lies smoldering along the campaign roadside and beyond help. Trump knows he got lucky and can’t depend on all his opponents imploding like Ron did. Ron didn’t exactly do anything wrong; he just didn’t exactly do anything right.

At the close of the first Republican debate as the audio ended and camera shot moved to a wide angle and the stage lights dimmed. The candidates moved from their lecterns and began to shake hands while smiling and pretending they actually liked each other. Frontrunner Ron stormed off the stage with his fists clenched. A man in an urgent need of a restroom or a man very angry about something.

Ron has had trouble exciting the crowd. He looks, no pun intended, small on the big stage. He earned his frontrunner status with a series of controversial Conservative concussions designed to make the world a better place by telling you what to do. But live by the sword and die by the sword as Ron’s attack on Mickey Mouse and Disney escalated and became a meme. It painted former frontrunner Ron as a clown and an extremist.

Then Trump zeroed in with “Ron DeSanctimonious,” by pointing out Ron’s obvious lack of charisma by comparing Ron to reheated tofu. Then as the meme took off Ron followed the first rule of politics. “When in doubt, shut the hell up!” No more culture war attacks! Be Nice! Make them love you. Make them love the real Ron, a little fuzzier and a little less warm. But as Ron drew back his sword his personality deficiencies arose and it quickly became apparent. Ron’s an attack dog without a bark.

Now, it’s Nikki Haley’s turn in the Trump barrel dodging mudballs slung by the former future felon in chief. Trump calls her “Birdbrain” Hmmm, succinct but not really catchy enough. Then Trump tries “High tax Haley” accusing the former chair warmer Nikki of some grand high exalted crime about a gas tax or rearranging the doilies on the Titanic.  Personally, I’d go after Nikki’s lack of any real experience. A one-term small state governor and UN appointee for an administration that didn’t believe in the UN. This Republican generation’s Sarah Palin.

“What newspapers do you read?” Haley called bullshit the question about the Civil War. Another trick question from another wise guy Democratic plant. Another plan by the forces of evil designed to make Nikki look bad by pointing out her myopic worldview. “Look what they done to my song, ma!”

But from his lofty summit Donald Trump can hurl lightning bolts at the mere mortals chasing after him and they are powerless to do anything about it. Powerless to fight back! “We’re going to win this  nomination with logic, argument and issues! (Good luck with that!) By throwing posies at the panzers and by not pointing out the forty-foot orange gorilla ascending the skyscraper. Trump is an accused criminal facing prosecution in jurisdictions across the country. Yet, none of the Republicans dare speak of it.

Do they honestly believe they can win the nomination and bell the cat by not mentioning the obvious? You know, Mr. Trump has called me a birdbrain. And I might be a birdbrain, but I’m not facing 96 Federal charges. Nobody is ever called exactly, “smart” who is facing 96 Federal charges.

But it bleeds over into the “Big Lie” and not angering the cult. If they attack Trump directly, they tempt the anger of Trump and the lunatic tin foil hat fringe. So, Trump gets a free pass, “see no evil, hear no evil and speak no evil.” You should vote for me instead of Donald Trump because um. Because um, I’m nicer and new and improved with vitamins and fortified with iron. And um, if elected, I’ll pardon Donald Trump. Because um, um, um. You should vote for me!

If the Republican candidates ignore the goings on all around them and refuse to take Trump to task. The question arises, are they really running against Trump at all? Or just presenting a cake walk, a fiction with the winner predetermined. Where all the other entrants are only fighting for the crumbs left on the table and title of mistake congeniality.

He or she, whoever reaches the finish line with the least criticism of the forty-foot orange gorilla. They will win an all-expense paid (Legal fees excluded) chance for a one-way trip on the Trump Hindenburg to be his Vice-Presidential nominee! All aboard! Next stop, Dante’s Inferno!

You! Could be the next Mike Pence!

Vivek Ramaswamy goes so far as to say, if Trump isn’t on the ballot in Maine and Colorado. Then he won’t be on the ballot either! I’ll just hold my breath until I turn blue! That will teach you! You’ll be sorry then! You could be denying America its only chance for a Vivek Ramaswamy Presidency. Are you prepared to live with those consequences?

Each in their turn, first Ron and then Chris Christie for a minute. Ramaswamy flamed up like a kitchen match and then curled as the flames ebbed and now “Nikki.” Trump calls her “birdbrain” and under the articles of “takes one to know one” should be considered expert testimony.

Sooner or later, the Republicans will have to address the orange forty-foot gorilla in the room. Wanting to win the Republican nomination but unwilling to criticize the orange front runner. Sooner or later the Twilight Zone will reach back and slap the Republicans with a hard dose of reality. Trying to walk through a legal hurricane without getting their hair mussed.

“My opponent is a humble man. He is a man with much to be humble about.” – Winston Churchill

“My family was so poor when I was a child, I was born without shoes!” – Huey Long