This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

Invisible Republican candidate for President Nikki Haley says, “Hello! I’m over here. Please pay attention to me!” The problem for Nikki being Donald Trump can just open his yap and say most anything and its news. Haley on the other hand, has to actually do or say something of substance.

So here comes the question faced by all candidates for President, except for Donald Trump. “What would you do with Donald Trump if the courts find him guilty as they most certainly will.” Here’s your one chance Francie don’t let me down. “I’d, I’d, well, I guess I’d pardon him!” Aww! We’re sorry, the correct answer is to let justice be done.

Nikki has an excuse as she’s trying to work both sides of the Republican Party. Speak no evil about Donald Trump. Vote for me, but he’s a great choice too! Foolishly trying to woo voters who will never come across. Trying to build a consensus with people who flatly refuse to compromise. Trying to deprogram the cult by talking nice about the cult leader. Certainly, a doomed scenario.

Let’s check the Preparation H scoreboard; candidates who have tried to make nice with Donald Trump score is Nothing! You have to take the gloves off and fight. You’re not going to nice Trump out of the race.

Inadvertently saying, “Even though he’s been found guilty by the court. I’d let him go.” Why exactly would she let Trump off without punishment? Because she thinks there was some legal flaw in his prosecution? Or is it because she thinks Donald Trump is somehow special? Appealing to the crazy crowd while trying to sound lucid. “I wouldn’t hurt him none. Let’s just let him go!”

The courts, however, tend to be a little more hard-nosed in their positions. Rare to find “Aw go on home now and don’t ever do it again, ya hear?” But the issue back lights and illuminates the cult. That even if Trump is found guilty, let him go! We don’t care about law or justice or the US system of checks and balances. We want our orange babydoll. We want to hold him to our breast and love him forever! We don’t care what he’s done!

Reams of evidence, photographs, and the sworn testimony of witnesses, what’s that prove? It proves it’s a cult! Thoroughly convinced thru and thru that the world is all wrong about Donald Trump. Everybody! Dismissing every truck load of evidence with a “fake news” here or a “liberal media” there and living inside the bubble, safe and warm.

Uncaring and unwilling to understand what happens to the world when some people are considered untouchable and above the law. But like, I’ll turn this car around and go back home. It’s an idle threat. Nikki isn’t going to be pardoning anyone anytime soon. More like what I’d do if I ruled the world.

Safety first! Nikki’s campaign all but plagiarizes Gerald Ford. Ending our long national nightmare of Watergate, I mean Trump crimes. Let’s just forget about this, shall we? The hundreds of House and Senate Republicans involved in the crimes think that’s a great idea too! Let’s just forget it and move on.

But more to the point than what would Nikki do? Is the larger question of why Nikki is there in the first place to be asked the question? Trump is laps ahead and has proved impervious to gaffs and goofs that would have killed any other campaign. The cult doesn’t care what he did.

Nikki is the “Break glass in case of emergency” candidate. And should the winner of the contest for some strange reason be unable to fulfill his or her duties. Miss Congeniality will become our candidate. An err, and a spare. So, it is important that Nikki does not alienate the cult by taking any radical positions about law or justice. Just smile and sell the Tupperware. Make nice and smile a lot. Just keep pretending it’s a real race. We’ll call you if we need you!

Just suppose that for some unknown reason. Some thunderbolt from out of the blue which made Donald Trump suddenly ineligible to run. Maybe his bone spurs kick up on him again and the pain is unbearable, and he drops out of the race. What would the Republicans do then? Eenie Meenie Miney Moe, My mother says to pick you? So, Nikki must stay in the race…just in case.

Outside the cult on the other side of town. Liz Cheney works on laying the foundations of the Post Trump Republican Party. Understanding the cult is unstoppable at this point. But after Trump loses the next election, that’s it. No more Trump! The cult busted to smithereens one way or another. The cult must have their nose rubbed in shit one more time before disbanding.

Cheney warns of the Putin wing of the Republican Party. Putin adversary Alexi Navalny dies mysteriously in prison. The Russian government hems and haws in coughing up the body for obvious reasons. After an attempted coup Wagner Group leader Yevgeny Prigozhin dies when his plane was “accidently” shot down by the government. Whoops! Putin and Prigozhin made a deal after the coup attempt to go their separate ways and part friends. Then whoops!

That’s sort of stuff that happens sometimes when you have some people who are above the law. People fall out of windows and shoot themselves in the back of the head. Enemies go to prison or worse and friends go to the bank. And in every case, the people always believe the dictator will never turn on them.

“It is unthinkable in the twentieth century to fail to distinguish between what constitutes an abominable atrocity that must be prosecuted and what constitutes that “past” which “ought not to be stirred up.” ― Aleksandr I. Solzhenitsyn