This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

From the ridiculous to the sublime. No matter how they try they are unable to craft a venue which is Trump proof. I am a man, and I’ve been a man now for a long while. I’ve heard every dirty joke you could tell about big dicks. But what I’ve never heard in normal adult conversation, is one straight man speaking so glowingly and admirably about another man’s penis.

That’s not right, not normal, as the first question one straight man would likely ask another is. What are you looking at his dick for? Is there something you’d like to share with the group? The gossip wouldn’t be about the size of Arnie’s driver. The gossip would be about the guy interested in the size of Arnie’s driver. It’s just not done, old man. Rather gauche.

It’s also remarkable to relate this story as Mr. Trump didn’t actually see Arnie’s junk first hand. He was only repeating the glowing reports he’d heard about it from others. And the reports made such a lasting impact on him that just two weeks out from a Presidential election. Mr. Trump thought now was the right time to inform the American public of the legends of Arnold Palmer’s magnificent manhood.

Now, here’s the kicker, old Arnie passed on to that great fairway in the sky back in 2016.  So, this amazing anatomic appendage story has to be at least eight years old. Amazing! Any more cool stories like that Gramps? What was the world like before electricity? A little bird tells me, Donald has probably been telling that “Arnie’s package” story on the back nine for years and years. Only now, he tells it in glowing senile rapture.

Senile dementia and cognitive decline were once on the table asked about as serious possibilities. Now it’s almost taken as a given. They can’t keep Donald on track, and they can’t shut him up. “And you wished for a twelve-inch pianist?”

Who? Oh, who? Thought up the McDonald’s stunt? In an effort to troll Vice President Harris and to push forward Donald’s latest conspiracy theory. Where Ms. Harris never really worked at McDonalds and big bad Donald’s gonna blow the lid off of this scandal like Woodward and Bernstein! Either this was a Donald Trump personally inspired project, or we must consider cognitive decline as potentially contagious.

Donald worked for fifteen minutes at a “Closed” McDonalds. Pretending to serve French fries out the drive thru window to imaginary customers. Mr. Trump said, “he liked it” and it was “fun.” Wait until he gets his paycheck, he won’t think “Fun” so much after that. What sort of campaign leadership thought this stunt was a good idea?

A lot of time and effort to tell a joke which millions of voters won’t get or understand. What they will get is camera fodder of the 78-year-old smiling attentive Burger boy with more than just a passing interest in meat. A color coordinated comic clown in an apron making himself look curiously ridiculous. What’s next? Sign spinning? Michael Dukakis riding in his tank again? Saturday Night Live and every late-night comic will take note and roast Mr. Trump unmercifully.  

I do also wonder what McDonalds corporate management thinks of a franchisee’s political stunt with their corporate logo signage attached? The corporate mantra is happy, wholesome, and NON offensive. Don’t piss anyone off! Especially, more than half of the adult population. There will be a corporate  memo sent to all the franchises. [About Your Recent Political Activity]

So now, after the time and money has been spent. How does this stunt advance the football? Mr. Trump joked he’s worked fifteen minutes longer at McDonalds than Kamala. And? What do you win for that? What do you do for an encore? Sweep up? Half a day just to set up a punchline? That is an incompetent use of time and resources.

Huh, huh? Take that Kamala! What do you say to that now? Huh, huh? You might have been a district Attorney, a state Attorney General, a United States Senator, and the Vice-President, but I don’t believe you really worked at McDonalds! She’s a fraud! She never worked under the golden arches. Not like me.

The whole premise is so goofy, that it has to be Donald’s idea. Anyone else in the campaign would have been shouted down or fired on the spot. Work at McDonalds? A billionaire? Are you high? Got any more?

Has the elevator stopped? Have we reached the basement yet? Elon Musk (billionairus stupidus) is offering one million dollars to one lucky signer per day of Elon’s political Pac’s petition supporting the Constitution. Or write, “I love Elon” on a four by six postcard and send it to P.O. Box 27, Pueblo, Colorado. It reminds me of my own petition drive supporting the sun rising in the east every day. Show your support and sign today! Before the radicals take over and it’s too late!

Why that sounds perfectly legal, turning a petition drive into a raffle. Were you coerced in any way into signing this petition, besides the possibility of winning a million dollars? It makes no sense like Trump working at McDonalds. Everyone knows how petitions from angry AstroTurf groups, paid for their signatures for meaningless goals worry the Washington establishment. Elon might as well throw that money off the roof of the bank building. Someday, they will call Elon the man who fell From Earth. He will be voted the first citizen of Mars by public acclimation!

It is amazing, the best arguments against voting for Donald Trump are the arguments made by Donald Trump himself and his high-income low IQ supporters. But it is reported that Elon said, if Donald Trump loses, he, (Elon) is fucked! That is just so sad simple, and cynical when it’s so obvious, Elon is fucked either way. When your best friend is Donald Trump, it is really just a question of time.

“There is more beauty in truth, even if it is a dreadful beauty. The storytellers at the city gate twist life so that it looks sweet to the lazy and the stupid and the weak, and this only strengthens their infirmities and teaches nothing, cures nothing, nor does it let the heart soar.” ― John Steinbeck