This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

Mitch McConnell says Donald Trump is a low-down lying piece of dried orange dog shit. And he’s voting for him this November and hopes that you will too! Such is the state of Donald Trump’s support. Nikki Haley says she supports Mr.Trump, but only because she has to support him. It’s in the rule book.

If silence is golden, the Republican Party is Fort Knox right now. Very little talk or mention of Mr. Trump here locally. Only Kari Lake mentions the oaf du jure. With clips of her unrequited love affair with Donald Trump from 2020. They were close once and she was spoken about in whispers as a potential VP, but it was only a pipe dream. From TV news anchor to Vice President in a single jump. Only in America! No, not even in America. Zero, Zero, Zero political experience. To be the Vice President for the oldest man ever to run for the office?

When Ms. Lake ran for Arizona Governor four years ago and lost. She imitated Donald Trump with a mini election denial campaign. Offering court challenges on thin pretexts which were immediately bounced out of the building. And what did it do for Kari Lake besides making her even more unpopular? More being the subject of the sentence. Ms. Lake is from the angry wing of the Republican Party. And she assures us in her TV advertising that if we don’t vote for her. Arizona will be DESTROYED!

Not disadvantaged or just worse off, but DESTROYED! They will begin tearing up the streets within 24 hours. Four years of wanton destruction and the return of the wild west. Phoenix in flames and the Grand Canyon filled in and Tucson leveled.

This is our choice AZ, move into broad sunlit uplands with Kari Lake or suffer life in hell under evil overlords. It’s almost as if she’s daring us to vote against her. Kari Lake is 100% anti-abortion, and the hottest amendment on the ballot this year is the repeal of AZ’s archaic abortion law which Lake supports. That’s called running against the wind. Making it possible to actually vote against Kari Lake twice.

Remember, silence is golden, and most Republicans choose not to speak on the subject of abortion this campaign season. Think of it; Republicans spent decades trying to get Roe vs. Wade overturned. And when they finally do, they back away and run for cover. Republicans fearing they have awakened a sleeping giant.

For years, the abortion issue was the bread and butter of Republican fundraising. “Won’t you help us save the poor widdle babies? Only YOU can stop them!” But with the overturning of Roe, saving those widdle babies lost its luster as a fund-raising tactic. While Republicans were researching alternative sources of campaign funding, they discovered the party’s unpopularity with the young in general and women specifically.

There is a changing of the guard with the old fellers being replaced by the youngins. Remember how uncool you thought your parents were? Yeah, like that. Republicans like screaming and shouting about Trans and story hours. Survey says: The public doesn’t give a damn! Twenty years ago, Republicans promised if Gay Marriage were allowed America would crumble.

The Republicans have built a party to appeal to voters who are dying out. The Evangelical movement has successfully emptied church congregations from coast to coast. Proving once and for all, the mixing of religion with politics is a deadly cocktail for both. Denominations are splitting up over issues of modern life and thought. It gets harder and harder for the modern mind to ponder on Jonah living inside of a whale or Noah building his ark. Or why it’s a sin to spill the seed of man or eat shellfish. Religious laws made legal laws. Laws based on nothing but archaic religious beliefs. You can’t open your store on Sunday! Preachers agin it!

You can’t perform heart surgery! The heart is a scared organ. Let him die if it be God’s will, but touch not the sacred heart. The Bible is agin it. Menstrual cramps are God’s punishment for Eve’s disobedience. So, taking Midol is sinful. Do you really think you can cheat God out of his rightful vengeance and escape God’s curse? I know, it can get a little ridiculous. Somehow a just and fair God would punish all women forever and ever for one woman’s alleged misbehavior. That sounds fair and reasonable, doesn’t it?

When I was a kid, they told me the thunder was God bowling. Thunder under a clear sky meant the devil beating his wife. I wonder how they met? The devil and his wife. “He’s got a good job Mom! He’s the boss in charge of everything. He’s an angel!” They used to say if you were left-handed, you had the devil inside you! Well, I’m left-handed, no comment. That’s not biblical in the slightest. It’s just some shit they made up like she’s a witch!

Marge Tater Greene says God sends earthquakes and eclipses to let us know he is unhappy with us. Oh, how do we please him then? Burnt offerings perhaps or maybe chuck a virgin or two into the volcano? That’s no way to run a railroad.

In the 1920s women cutting their hair short was latest craze which the preachers decried. It was considered a radical act of rebellion, like showing your knees. Something decent women didn’t do. Wait until your father gets home! The Bible says a woman’s hair is her beauty and you cut yours off! Shameful! Just shameful! How will we ever look the neighbors in the eye? She might even smoke, wear makeup or drive a car! Oh heavens, what will become of her? She’s on the road to perdition!

She says she wants to go to high school and then college and then get a job! Oh, lord, where did we go wrong?

It’s the last redoubts of the sexual revolution. The last reactionary attempt to fight for the 1950s in America. If only they could only wipe out abortion and birth control, then she’d have to come home and drive that stove for some nice man. Just the way God intended it.

Remember, God says you have free will unless you’re a female. Then, you know what’s expected of you. You don’t want to end up a spinster or an old maid, do you?

“After all these years, I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her. Wheresoever she was, there was Eden. I wish I could make him understand that a loving good heart is riches enough, and that without it, intellect is poverty.” -Mark Twain