This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

Anything is possible now, remember that. Birds can fly backwards, and cows can eat sky. Fish will own cats and fire plugs will chase dogs. It was a sickening spectacle not to be believed unless you remember that anything is possible now. The King, on his golden throne, met with the Secretary General of NATO Mark Rutte. A more specific sickening spectacle of coddling and straight up baby ass kissing I have never seen.

The memo has obviously made the rounds. Treat him like a BIG BABY. A spoiled six-year-old who doesn’t want to go to grandma’s house. “That sure was a good idea you had there Donny. Increased military spending and it was all your idea!” I know! I am so great! I am so great! You should have listened to me last time. Oh well, you’re coming round now.”

“You sure have unified NATO Donny in a way no one ever thought was possible before.” Yes, I know! Sometimes I amaze myself. It’s really uncanny how smart I am. Even people who knew George Washington always say I’m smarter. You know when Joe Biden was President the sun went down around five o’clock. But since January, the days are getting longer. I did that! Oh, they said I couldn’t, and they said Joe Biden couldn’t either. George Washington maybe, but I doubt it. I proved them all wrong!

The King had the facial appearance of a Kindergartener being praised for his wax crayon drawing of a horsey. It also had a darker aspect. I know a little about drug abuse. Don’t ask how, I just do. Admittedly, I’ve been out of circulation for a while, and sometimes unfamiliar with the new products available. But I know flying when I see it. Either the King was on something riding a fierce buzz. (Paging Ronny Jackson) Or the King is so psychologically twisted up inside he was feeling the energy directly from the praise, ass kissing and big baby buttering up.

And as the King spoke, the markets fell into correction territory while the talking heads insisted, “They’ll be no recession! Literally standing under an umbrella while telling the audience it’s not going to rain. The King might roil world markets destabilizing Europe while destroying the domestic economy. But everything will be fine! 25% Tariffs won’t hurt anything. Besides, the King might take the tariffs off tomorrow if you talk to him real nice. Or he might double them if he doesn’t get his way!

Here at team Trump nastiness is always free! Presidential press spokeswoman Josephine Goebbels says, “That’s what I get taking a question from the Associated Press!” (spits on the floor) How dare they ask a serious question? Get em, outta here! Throw them bums out! The only reason Goebbels ever took the question in the first place was so she could slam them. Did the AP really think  she would behave in a professional manner giving them a fair shake? Professionally obnoxious at all times.

Wall Street worries about a possible government shutdown. Oh, it’s like dealing with children in never, never land! A one- or two-day government shutdown could be disastrous! But if it’s a permanent disruption that won’t bother us any. There will be no recession!

Just like Europe in the thirties, world leaders slowly learned the word of the Fuehrer meant nothing. Chuck Schumer is a slow learner. If on a principle, your union, your club, your church or synagogue or bowling league decided together all as one person to vote No! and asks you to vote NO! On the Republican slave contract budget deal and criminal enabling act, what would you do? Your entire political Party is telling you to vote NO! Don’t worry Charlie Brown, you can trust me. I won’t pull the football away again!

There are only two possible reasons for his actions. Either Schumer is bought, or Schumer is sold. Making a separate peace with the King hoping to get a better deal by breaking ranks and destroying Democratic unity. You know, Bill Buckner was a great Baseball player once. He won five or six batting titles. Then he let the ball go between his legs during the World Series and that’s all anyone remembers.

The British promised Benedict Arnold a full commission. Funny story, they lied. Arnold was chump and a sell out who could never be trusted. They made Schumer, I mean Arnold promises just to get what they wanted.

“An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.” ― Winston S. Churchill

The markets are overjoyed by Schumer’s sudden Quisling flexibility. Yeah! The Democrats are destroyed! Now the King can have his way, and everything will be fine.

The King declared on National TV yesterday he has no further territorial ambitions after Greenland and Panama. And Wall Street says, Okay! Whatever! The King tells the Secretary General, “Stick around this will be good for you too!” It is like living in an alternate universe without a seven. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 9.

Donald Trump makes the exact same kind of reprehensible territorial claims as Adolph Hitler made eighty years before. And the Secretary General of NATO could only smile a weak smile in the Oval office of the Big Baby of the United States of America. Do you imagine any NATO Secretary General in the history of NATO. Has ever in the deepest recesses of the most far-fetched drunk talk possible ever dreamed they would be in the Oval office someday discussing territorial ambitions with a big baby? Anything is possible now, anything!

The King does a thirty-minute infomercial about Tesla cars on the White House lawn complete with cue cards.  Big thing – Car  Dumb thing – Elon. “Welcome to Honest Elon’s used up car lot. Here are some of the cars that used to be popular! Only ninety-nine dollars down seven days a week until it’s paid for or catches fire. Now back to our midday movie, “High School Madness!” with Joe Bergman as Mudhead!

War is Peace! Freedom is Slavery! Ignorance is strength! Free Speech is Antisemitism. Woke is Anything!

“The liberty of a democracy is not safe if the people tolerated the growth of private power to a point where it becomes stronger than the democratic state itself. That in its essence is fascism: ownership of government by an individual, by a group, or any controlling private power.” ― Franklin D. Roosevelt