This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

Here’s a summary of Wall Street business conditions for a Friday in the wake of the King’s tariffs. BAD! If a business had plans for expansion, they’re all cancelled. Forecasts for growth are all cancelled. Orders from foreign customers, all cancelled.

Yesterday was bad but like Gettysburg, the second day is worse. I’ve been watching the futures stock ticker. I wasn’t sure which way the market would go. Would the vultures swoop in and buy up the bargains and give us one of those inexplicable days where despite bad news the markets rise? The futures stock ticker is generally pretty slow like a casino at three AM. So, it goes up or down a notch in a slow lazy way. Not this morning, it was popping like a popcorn popper.

When I went to bed the Dow, futures were down 300 points. When I woke, it was five hundred points. Within an hour it was down a thousand points. This has upset the entire world economy and clipped it behind the ear. Today will be worse than yesterday. It starts off today where yesterday left off. And It’s Friday and nobody wants to leave their dick hanging out over the weekend in this market. Sell!

In my mind’s eye, I see Charlton Heston beneath a crumpled Statue of Liberty on the beach shouting “You bastards! You finally did it! You blew it up!” I guess we’ve all done something like that at one time or another. Overestimating how much we need and over salting the stew. Once done it can’t be undone and once started it might not can be stopped. With the hodgepodge of random tariffs, who can actually forecast the products true costs? Today it’s this and tomorrow maybe it could be something else.

The extortionist in chief is willing to accept only sweet offers. But with the storm clouds the extortionist has created. Fear promotes retrenchment. Don’t buy those American jets or soybeans. Just go somewhere else. The King has created a world-wide financial crisis made worse by the unstable nature of the King himself. Can you honestly say the King won’t do anything “rash”? So, where a bottom is going to be found is anyone’s guess.

The recently fired and court ordered rehired head of the Fair-Trade Commission warned, businesses should not use the tariffs as a vehicle for price fixing. Any questions now as to why he was fired? That’s exactly what businesses will do. They will match the import prices less $1.75. Just a nickel cheaper. But it’s like beers at the ball park. They’re so overpriced you feel ripped off just buying one. So, you buy less. You find alternatives and maybe go someplace else. A strategy for growth, it’s not.

Financial experts of all stripes say, “This is Crazy!” They no longer even couch their criticism in euphemistic jargon and slogans. I heard Republicans in Congress say, This is what they voted for! They shouldn’t be so surprised. No one voted for this! No one voted for pandemonium! Even the most red headed dead headed die hard Trumper with his or her two-digit IQ didn’t vote for this. Kill us, Donald! Ruin our lives! Ruin our lives! Yeah destitution! Take everything from us! We voted for it!

The Dow will open down around 1,500 points this morning after losing the same amount yesterday. Six to ten percent wiped off the table in two days with no bottom in sight. Commodities are also getting hammered again, farmers for Trump! Rumor has it those same foreigners so recently mistreated are conspiring to boycott purchasing our treasury bills. Who had foreigners boycott treasury bills on their bingo card? Do you suppose the King and his mighty brain trust thought about that? Exactly, no bottom.

They’ve ripped open heaven and let the stars fall out on the ground. All bets are off from here on out. The King is certain he’s correct and won’t be swayed from his course until he is. And if you lose your house, your retirement or your health care. Remember the Republican message. “You voted for it!” Sympathy? Pity for the little people suffering? Heck no, they asked for it! Suckers!

Meanwhile, Elon slinks away but not really. He will take a less public approach in future. Tesla sales are in a catastrophic free fall. The Cyber Trucks of plastic and glue are unsellable, and insurance companies won’t cover them anymore. Elon can leave but will always be tattooed with the orange one. Tesla is done for. Elon can go to Mars if he likes, but Tesla is still done for. He’s blown it, big time!

They’re calling it “Brand Destruction” Like Mr. Clean in your house drunk, playing loud music and smoking cigars. Elon all by his Lonesome Rhodes big mouth has destroyed his company. He tried building a tower of Babel with bricks of babble and ended up with a Swasticar and a map back to Africa.  

This is what they voted for! – Sen John Thune

“Once a government is committed to the principle of silencing the voice of opposition, it has only one way to go, and that is down the path of increasingly repressive measures, until it becomes a source of terror to all its citizens and creates a country where everyone lives in fear.” – Harry Truman