This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

WASHINGTON — December 29, 2025 — The Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services (CMS) today announced that all 50 states will receive awards under the Rural Health Transformation Program, a $50 billion initiative established under President Trump’s Working Families Tax Cuts legislation (Public Law 119-21) to strengthen and modernize health care in rural communities across the country.

Translation; TACO! AKA Trump always chickens out. Damage control, Trump restoreth what the great big disastrous bill taketh away. They read the tea leaves and saw a dark, foreboding future approaching. So they applied a one-time band aid to limp through the 2026 elections. If there were no election coming in eleven months, would this largess suddenly fall from the Donald Trump memorial heavens? Bad Juju, rural hospitals and nursing homes shutting down right before election day. It tells us the misadministration is now playing defense, not offense, though still remaining offensive.

Meanwhile, over at the Donald J. Trump and John F. Kennedy Center. Acts and patrons are walking away and dropping out faster than an Alabama high school. Being a Trump brand project, the center plans to sue the performers. Surprise! I’ll sue you and you and you and you! I’ll even sue everyone who doesn’t attend. But the artists have an easy out. They were contracted to perform at the Kennedy Center and not The Donald J. Trump and John F. Kennedy Center. Donald Trump being the most polarizing figure ever in American history. Means performing under that banner could damage the performers’ reputations, careers and future incomes. As you sow, so shall you reap. Be careful what you slap your name on.

It’s similar to my billion-dollar business idea of putting Eric or Donald Trump Jr’s likeness on a condom package. Trump brand condoms! With the motto; some mistakes last forever! Only the fear of collapsing the world- wide population and bringing about the end of all humankind deters me. But it’s not my fault! I’m not the one who gave my own sons make-work jobs in his business empire. Vice president in charge of staplers and copy machine toner. Or director of paper goods and breakroom coffee supplies. While giving his son-in-law Jared, the meaty government assignments. Imagine this headline and try not to laugh. “Eric Trump brings peace to the Middle East.”

Have you ever seen Mr. Trump play golf with either of his sons? “Daddy! Daddy! Watch me Daddy! Watch me hit the ball, Daddy! If Donald Trump thinks so poorly of his own sons, why should I be blamed for wanting to capitalize on it? The condoms would come in three sizes. Small Mushroom and Coked out. In his last misadministration, it was reported the boys had to call the chief of staff Mark Meadows to speak with their daddy. The jail dummies. The Corey and Trevor of the Trump family. Do you suppose Jared doesn’t have a direct line?

Most fathers would work to bring their sons along in the family business. Donald Trump works at leaving his behind. Good grief, Don Jr. breaks up with his long-term girlfriend after his divorce. Then Junior announces a brand-new fiancée before the dust has even settled. So Daddy has to appoint Junior’s ex fiancée as ambassador to Greece to shut her up and get her out of the country. What gold digger enjoys being replaced by an even younger gold digger? You’ve set your hooks in him, girl. Now land your nearly fifty-year-old boy! A dip off the old block. But Trump must keep junior married or god only knows what kind of trouble he could get into. After his now famous convention speech (The coke heard round the world) or Eric’s statement “We get our money from Russia.” Buy Trump brand condoms at better retail outlets and truck stop men’s rooms everywhere!

Speaking of dick thinking, the Epstein affair festers and grows like an infection Tide won’t wash off. New reporting says Trump invited 14-year-old girls to a party where they were immediately served alcohol. Sure, what middle-aged man doesn’t invite underaged girls to his party? As the story goes, Ex Trump ex, Marla Maples warned the mothers not to leave their daughters alone with any of these wolves in wolves’ clothing. Now you understand why she’s buried on a golf course.

You’d have to be aftermarket auto warranty dumb to not believe Trump was Epstein’s wing man. The junior partner trying to emulate the master. Trump is dick deep in this and it’s only going to get worse for him. Trump’s numbers are deteriorating faster than tuna salad left out in the sun. Republicans are resigning in record numbers rather than face the election showdown at the Little Bighorn. Let’s face it, when your dead ex-wife’s quotes come back to haunt you, it’s time. The clock is about to strike midnight and the footmen and fine carriage are about to turn back into field mice and a pumpkin.  

My first prediction of the new year says that Donald Trump won’t be president next January first. And the odds Shady J.D. will be, are only fifty/fifty. After weeks of comments and speculation about Shady’s marital status. J.D. comes rushing to the defense of his wife, Usha. She may not be a Christian, but it’s never too late! There’s still time for her to change! Shady says anyone who says anything negative about his wife’s name or Indian heritage “can go eat shit!” My, how presidential! What a witty JFK inspired repartee. “Mr. Gorbachev, go eat shit!” Walk softly or go eat shit! “A date which will live in infamy, so go eat shit!”

Don’t blame me, I didn’t make the Republican Party racist. I didn’t ignite a firestorm at Turning Point USA. Which is actually ironic that it really became a turning point for shady J.D. My wife’s not a Christian! But we’re raising both our off-white kids as Christians! She sometimes comes along to church with us and taps her feet to the music. And at that very moment, J.D.’s future began to slide away, and the crowd began to murmur. “And she’s not even white!” The music stopped and heads turned slowly, looking at J.D. blankly with new eyes.

The dancing merry widow then gave J.D. that special kind of hug that gets husbands in hot water around the globe. A hug with the same meaning in all languages. Oh, you’re so going to get it when we get home.  Was it genius by Trump’s team? A poison pill? Or was it just dumb luck picking shady J.D. and his Hindu wife? They’ll never impeach you now, boss!

As Trump comes stumbling down the hill, J.D. comes tumbling after. A self-inflicted racist wound. Pointing out that your wife wasn’t a Christian to a room full of ra, ra, ra Republicans. What are you stoned or stupid? Don Junior and Eric stupid? What did he think would happen?  Did he think they were going to give him a medal for being so brave and honest? He’s ruined his political future in one night. But he did get her phone number.

“The first method for estimating the intelligence of a ruler is to look at the men he has around him.” ― Niccolò Machiavelli.