This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

Hold on to your hats, everyone. This could come as a shock to the system. Just hours after Mr. Trump and hairbrained Pete Hegseth announced the US Navy would begin an escort service in the Iranian Strait. Newsflash; we won’t be escorting ships after all. Oh, to be a fly on the wall, the conversations! Such conversations as have never been had before! But as usual and as to be expected, the administration chose to do this complete 180-degree policy turn because they were asked nicely to do so.

[For Sale: Bridge in Brooklyn – inquire within.] It was because so much progress had been made in the ninety minutes the escort service was operating. The administration was asked by Pakistan and probably begged to withdraw Operation: Freedom. Do you see what DOGE did there? That’s the best name they could think up? They’ve gutted the Department of Clever Titles and Inane Operations. How does paying out five bucks a gallon for gas equate to freedom for me? For someone? Somehow? Someway?

There are something like 1,600 ships and 20,000 sailors being held up. And most of those ships are bound for NOT AMERICA. Trump is holding up world commerce, while largely being immune to the pain caused by ourselves. Let Europe walk. Make China worry. Drink Canada Dry. The Chinese foreign minister recently said, (hint, hint) There needs to be a settlement in the region. A friendly way of saying, “Get busy and make it happen.” Before we lose our patience here and kick it up a notch.

The mad king announces the withdrawal of 5,000 troops from Germany, much to the surprise of the army command. The king was butt hurt because the German Chancellor criticized the big baby. So off with our heads! Cutting our nose off to spite our face.

“There is no other way to guard yourself against flattery than by making men understand that telling you the truth will not offend you.” ― Niccolo Machiavelli,

Do they tell Mr. Trump the truth? Let me rephrase that. Does such a leader foster a community of truth- telling? Has anyone ever told Mr. Trump the truth twice? It’s best to throw a little shade, isn’t it? A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down. Has Iran surrendered yet? “No sir, but we’ve sunk their navy and grounded their air force?” When will they surrender? “Soon! Very soon, sir! We’ve sunk their navy and grounded their air force!”

AC is alternating current; it bounces back and forth between positive and negative fifty or sixty times a second. AT is Alternating Trump; it bounces back and forth at a slightly slower rate, powered entirely by cheeseburgers, pharmaceuticals, and poor digestion. Mr. Trump vacillates between calm and dyspeptic, and then lashes out in an irrational, insane, threatening tweets. Threatening to blow the Iranian house down if the Iranians don’t do as they’re told, immediately. Is Mr. Trump still living in the Apprentice? Tell Iranians they’re fired!

Like all wars, there is always one large impediment to peace, standing in the way. In this conflict, how can Donald Trump surrender, without looking like he’s surrendering? How can Trump pay reparations and lift sanctions? God forbid they return any frozen Iranian assets. Until they do, the Strait of Hormuz is shut tight and won’t open until Mr. Trump comes to the table and negotiates these things. Imagine being Donald Trump and being caught with your nuts in a trap.

The petulant teenage girl Donald Trump is bound to throw a temper tantrum! Why should I apologize? They aren’t my ships stuck in the harbor. [Door slam]

Could it be that simple and just a matter of pride? What happened to the great dealmaker? Oh, I get it. You only make a deal if you can gain an advantage. Resolving the conflict isn’t near as important as gaining that advantage. (Fuck fairness, right? )The war goes on a different plane. A battle of the waiting game and of he who flinches first. If the Iranians don’t open the strait soon, Europe and Asia will suffer. If Trump won’t negotiate, Europe and Asia are about to take it up the ass. Who’s in the driver’s seat now? At least until the war starts.

The petty king has the world economy by the short hairs. Unfortunately for Mr. Trump, the Iranians are largely disenfranchised and don’t give a shit about the world economy. The Iranians have been doing without for years; what’s a few more months? What’s a few months of $6.00 gas? Do you think Spirit Airlines will be alone? Wanna buy an airline as the price of jet fuel doubles? Isn’t it strange? Spirit Airlines actually fulfilled its name by going out of business.

For Europe and Asia, it’s a direct shock to the system. The difference between expensive gas and no gas. Affecting tens of millions of people who never voted for Donald Trump. For America, it’s a steady erosion, it’s thirty cents per gallon per week. You can do the math. Trump negotiates standing on a burning bridge. It’s like that scene in “Full Metal Jacket” when Sergeant Hartmann finds the jelly doughnut in Pyle’s footlocker. “Every time Trump fucks up, I’m going to punish, you people!”

Admit it; confession is good for the soul. The war in Iran is/was a mistake. Somehow, somebody got some wrong-headed thinking. They took the brown acid even after being warned. But there’s comic relief. There’s always comic relief. Get your tickets now for the Kash Patel rehabilitation tour. “I’m Still Standing” He’s a man of action. A man at the helm of the biggest crime-busting juggernaut the world has ever known. He’s not the inept doofus who couldn’t log into his work computer and thought he was fired. Kash is going to inject himself into the unsolved case of Nancy Guthrie’s disappearance.

And then Kash casts aspersions on local law enforcement. Woulda, shoulda, could have been! I would have handled it differently! Implying it would somehow have a different outcome, if Kash were on the case. Don’t blame the FBI; the locals bungled it! “Look, up in the sky! It’s a bird, it’s Kash Patel’s girlfriend!” It’s the only positive press tour, only here on Fox!

How do you deal with bad polling numbers? Post more polls, then the bad numbers fade into the forest of all the other polls. 31% or 35% or 37% who cares? Trump-backed candidates win big in Indiana, duh. Just like Alabama, they’ll stay loyal even as the Russian troops overrun Berlin. What the media neglects to mention was the numbers of Republicans turning out to vote. It’s great, that Trump back candidates won big. But it’s really not that important the thundering herd voted for Republicans, it’s how many Republicans voted, period. And if the media doesn’t mention the turn out? What are they telling you by not telling you?

“Ideology is a specious way of relating to the world. It offers human beings the illusion of an identity, of dignity, and of morality while making it easier for them to part with them.” ― Václav Havel,