This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

It is being reported, but I don’t want to jinx it. The US and Iranian sides are working through Pakistan, on  agreeing to a one page 14-point surrend er, ah, I mean, a peace agreement. Yeah, sure, that’s what it is. It’s a peace agreement, and the Trump cabal got everything they desired, except perhaps for a nuclear agreement. In exchange for peace, the Trump administration agrees to lift sanctions (Do they celebrate Christmas in Iran? It’s come early.) And release frozen Iranian assets? Everything! Plus the cash, too?

Both sides agreeing to lift their competing blockades of the Strait of Hormuz. Three months ago, an Iranian regime that was on the verge of revolution and collapse. And today; they just ran the table. Rewritten, the memo says, “The US agrees to do this, this, and this. Iran agrees to lift its blockade. It was probably the best deal the administration was going to get, anyway. It’s not the surrender part that really bothers them. It’s the publicity part involved in the surrender. Hence, a one-page quicky memo. “Are we done here? Okay, open her up, Charlie!

The war is all over! Nothing to see here! Move along! Mr. Trump didn’t do anything wrong. It’s peace with honor! But let’s not talk about it. Let’s move on to “new” business. Let’s forget all about the war we just won. We taught those Iranians a serious lesson they won’t soon forget. They get to keep their regime. They get to keep their enriched uranium and their nuclear program. We agree to remove sanctions and give them their frozen money back. Have you guys had enough, or do you want some more of this? Are you guys ready to give up, yet? Yeah! We Won!

The Trump regime blundered badly, assuming it would be easy to topple the Iranian government. The intelligence was all wrong about everything and should prompt a review of all intelligence gathering. If they could be that wrong about Iran, where else are they misreading the tea leaves? I don’t blame the administration for making the deal. The Trump administration had blundered badly and had to pay a price and make a deal. The Trump administration is cool with the deal as long as the deal is done on the quiet, and not made into a media spectacle.  No face-to-face meetings. No signing ceremony in Paris.

Not an actual peace treaty at all; it’s just a memo of agreement initialed, not signed. Trump can’t be held responsible for a memo if it doesn’t work out. It’s not like it’s a formal peace treaty with ink pens and wax seals and all the trimmings. It’s just a one-page little agreement where Iran agrees to open up the strait and the administration agrees to give Iran everything on their wish list except, that part about Mr. Trump pushing a peanut with his nose up Main Street in Tehran. The story isn’t the end of Trump’s war, but the incredible lengths the administration is willing to go trying to hide their surrender.

Biggest foreign policy disaster since the Spanish-American War. And the Trump administration works nights and weekends trying to convince Trumper humpers it was some kind of victory. But funny comic relief. There is always comic relief with this bunch. Little Marco Polio had to visit the Vatican and make amends to the Pope, before Leo puts the Swiss Guard on Defconn one. Little Marco returned from his audience his holiness looking like he’s just been handed detention by a  high-school principal.

It’s not just that Leo is an American Pope. He’s a Chicagoan, American Pope. Chicagoans historically can become startlingly blunt when riled. No matter how many times they’ve been trained to turn the other cheek. A foreign policy and a public relations disaster alienating 67 million Catholics in a pissing contest with the Pope. Somehow, that doesn’t seem quite right. The prayer meeting, psalm singing, god-loving, amoral, adulterous,  religious president who can’t name a single Bible verse disrespects the spiritual leader of one of the largest Christian denominations on the planet! Now, how did that happen?

Oh, how they pilloried Barack Obama for giving back 1.7 billion dollars in frozen Iranian assets. And now, Mr. Trump is about to do the same thing, plus, plus, plus. Plus lift the sanctions on Iran and ignore the Iranian nuclear program from now on. And from now on; if Israel wants Iran bombed, they’re going to have to do it themselves.

But there is an old, old fable I’d like to share with you. Once upon a time, there was a mad king who demonized innocent minorities, and then the mad king said. “I will build a wall! And I will make them pay for it! It won’t cost you a nickel!” Then this mad King said “I also want to build a grand golden ballroom! The finest in the whole world, but don’t worry, it won’t cost you dumb suckers a nickel! I have these rich friends and they will pay the $300 million dollars, the $400 million dollar price tag. Suddenly, when the king is denied his ballroom by the court, it’s no longer just a luxury ballroom. It’s a Swiss Army ballroom.

It’s a command post and a security center. A hospital, a drone proof bomb shelter, and a gold trimmed luxury dance hall for rich folks doing the bunny hop. That’s a heck of a deal for $400 million. Oh, wait, House Republicans have asked, “why quibble over the amount, when it’s only pocket change?” If Trump wants a ballroom let’s just call it a billion dollars even, and let the taxpayers pay for it! And the Republican lemmings in Congress can’t wait to sign up.

The Party of smaller government, personal responsibility, the fiscal prudence of billion-dollar gold leaf ballrooms. Dictators, high gas prices, pointless wars, inflation, international instability, tariffs, pedophile sex scandals. And now, Mr. Trump has just won the war with Iran, by giving them everything they ever dreamed of. In exchange, Iran won’t make a big deal about Mr. Trump surrendering and giving in on all points.

“How many times do you have to get hit over the head until you figure out who’s hitting you?” ― Harry S. Truman