This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

Diplomacy is like a vine creeping up a lattice. It looks simple enough. But the art is in the appearance and speaking in a howling silence. If I smile broadly, it is only because I was told to. If I don’t smile broadly, it is for the same reason. Everything is finely orchestrated, and nothing, no matter how small, is left to chance. These aren’t amateurs. These are professionals sending specific messages through the age-old language of diplomacy.

If the President of the United States rolls up at your local airport gate, and you aren’t there to greet him yourself? Woah! That’s bad! That is about the most insulting diplomatic behavior I’ve ever heard tell of.  Sorry, I couldn’t meet you at the airport, but I was busy watching Andy Griffith reruns. So, I sent the third assistant trainee bottlewasher and Mrs. Chen’s fourth grade class to wave flags to greet you.

In diplomatic language it reads, “Fuck you! If you think this going to be any part fun or enjoyable.” Behind closed doors, they held the official greeting. They smile as they exit, and smile as they toast each other, but it’s only for the cameras. China is pissed off, and rightfully so. If Donald Trump wishes to fuck up the American economy that is what Americans voted for and it’s a domestic issue. However, fucking up the Chinese economy is something else entirely.

What do you do when you’ve really screwed things up badly? You bring gifts, of course! Mr. Trump brought along his bindle of billionaires! Passing out gifts. Like Oprah, “Here’s a factory for you! Here’s a contract for you! Boy’s! Boys, calm down, we’re all billionaires here. Let’s settle this like billionaires…with money! What’s a bad economic quarter or two, between friends? Teehee.

China receives a majority of its oil from Iran, and currently, they’re not getting it. What if some country had done this to the Untied States? Put their big nasty, foot right in the middle of your nice, clean economy. This is after a year of tariffs, complaints, and business upheaval. This is serious business. China wants to know. How exactly? When exactly? Are you going to make a deal and get your foot off our necks? Has Donald Trump gone too far this time? Has Donald Trump set Sino/American relations back into the Forest Gump era? China’s not asking us, China’s telling us.

I say that because if the tables were reversed, we would be the ones doing the telling too. It’s a conundrum. Trump can’t defeat Iran militarily, but he can’t let go. The US must not be seen to lose! Most of all, not lose to Iran. That can’t be allowed to happen. We are the Cartwrights, and we always win the fights. It looks bad for Hoss and Little Joe’s reps and they’ll lose their street creed. Lose to Iran? Why, it’s just not possible! We’re a Super power! We’ll just wait the Iranians out. They don’t look so tough to me! Hey boss! China’s on the phone. They want to talk to you! “Yes? Yes, yes, yes sir, I’ll have them gas up the plane and I’ll be right over. No, I promise, I’ll leave Kash behind.”

We have reached the most serious historic negotiations. And the US media plays it off as a meet and greet. Remember when Trump hosted Vladimir Putin in Alaska? And the media played it up as important somehow, and it turned into big nothing? This time the media turns something big into nothing. Fox News; with Winston Smith reporting, says they’re having drinks and a good time in Beijing! Mr. Trump is basting Xi with hot buttered praise as Mr. Trump is known to do. But Mr. Trump’s reputation precedes him.

Is it possible Mr. Trump and his cabal don’t realize the negative effect they’ve had on China’s economy? Or maybe a cynical person might accuse Trump of intentionally throwing shade on the Chinese economy. Take out Iran, while giving the Chinese a hot potato to play with. “How about a little fire, Scarecrow? How about some six dollar a gallon gas?” It boggles the mind to think of the Trump administration playing 3-D diplomatic chess, when it seems the opposite is so much more likely. Were they/are they trying to be clever, or was it just dumb luck? Because luck runs out.

The issue isn’t just for China, but for all of Asia. We are fast reaching the point where there won’t be any scars or serious repercussions left from the expanding waves of the war where Donald Trump threw a rock into the world’s economy. Negotiations of war and peace, pay no attention America. If you’ve seen one American President debased and mistreated by a Chinese Premier, you’ve seen them all.

Kash Patel says the many stories of his blackout drinking are all lies. No matter what those eight eyewitnesses say. The stories just aren’t true, but Patel is ordering lie detector tests for all the possible leakers in the FBI (Fermented Beverage Institute). Word to the wise: don’t party with Kash. You didn’t see what you didn’t see. You don’t know what you don’t know. Kash reminds me of a fireship. He’s burning out of control himself and beyond help, but will set fire to anything he touches. The irony of lie detector tests are that if Kash hadn’t been so drunk, he would remember who was there at the party and who saw what.

For Mr. Trump and for us all, these are the most important negotiations. So far, Donny has been on his best behavior, but as you are well aware, that’s subject to change at any moment. The President of the Untied States gets called down to the Principal’s office to explain himself. And Republicans say? NOTHING! Don’t mention the humiliation! Don’t mention the abuse or the humbling of a bumbling US President. Just say anything! As if it never happened.

The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet.  – Mark Twain