This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

Boy howdy, is that ever a great description, or what? Republican Thom Tillis said it. Gosh, I wish I’d said it. I’d copyright it and sell tee shirts! It just sort of encapsulates our times, doesn’t it? Kind of the same way “Shit happens” once seemed applicable. But when the grandchildren ask someday, “what was it like in the old times, Daddy? “Stupid on stilts, son, will be my answer. Rotten on rails! Crooked as a dog’s hind leg!

The made-up federal case of human trafficking against Kilmar Albireo Garcia was thrown out of court yesterday. Garcia was removed from this country illegally and placed in a concentration camp. Despite court orders saying he wasn’t to be removed. Garcia was eventually returned after much foot dragging and suddenly, Garcia is alleged to be a “human trafficker” ripe for removal! SEE! We had good reason after all! You should trust us more! He’s an evil criminal. The court noted in its finding the obvious Trumped-up nature of these charges and potential prosecutorial misconduct in even bringing them. It was a political fraud, and the machine is gonna get you! Somehow, some way. We’re gonna get you, sucker!

But Stupid on Stilts is Trump’s cash back program for convicted criminals. Have you taken part in an attempted rebellion in my name, and maybe went to prison? You may be eligible for cash and prizes! Cash! For cars, speedboats and bail money! Cash when you need it! As a friend of mine used to say, “I can be a little stupid for you sometimes, if it helps you out, but I can’t be a lot stupid for you. Even Republicans in Congress balked at the bill out loud. Coming right out and saying right off the bat “No” to Donald Trump. At a time when this country is running record deficits, fighting an unpopular war, fighting inflation and struggling just to stay in one place, let alone get ahead. Now is the time to financially reward criminality? Stupid on stilts.

The Republican Rebellion Rebate! Step inside the mind of Donald Trump. Watch your head; there’s not much room. Now, as we all know, Trump has been trying unsuccessfully to clear his name over his January 6^th.   crimes for years So, if you can’t clear yourself, you clear everyone else. Then, no one is guilty except Donald Trump. And how is that fair? If everyone else got pardoned and no one else was really guilty, anyway? See? If you whitewash the crime (Like the Russia investigation) long enough , it’s not really a crime at all, and you’re not guilty of anything; it was all just a gross misunderstanding. And now, we demand redress for our mistreatment!  

But it’s one toke over the line and a bridge too far. To go into election season carrying all of Trump’s nonsense baggage. The ballroom, the arch and the rebellion rebate in face of an unpopular war and high fuel prices and growing unease at an economy which is gradually slipping out of reach. People can’t afford a home or a car, but you’re going to send six-figure rebate checks to convicted -pardoned criminals? Pardoned doesn’t mean not guilty; it means guilty, but forgiven.

Attention: Braindead! Do you remember all of two weeks ago? When the President defect announced he was withholding two brigades of army soldiers from Poland, and one brigade from Germany? Gee, you’ll never guess what has suddenly happened? Donald Trump is sending 5,000 soldiers to Poland. (get this) to reassure our NATO allies. Mr. Trump had gotten his pantaloons in a bunch over a negative comment made by the German Chancellor. As a Trump ally, the chancellor must realize that has no right to his own opinion. Apparently, it took two weeks to convince Mr. Trump that Poland had nothing to do with it.

The only thing which might restore European confidence at this point would be Trump stepping down. The administration has made it clear it’s through with Europe. If the Europeans don’t believe it by now, they’re dumber than a bag of Trumps. Donald Trump’s best friend in Europe is Vladimir Putin, first, last and always, and without a close second. (But you know that the Russia investigation was all a hoax, right?) Trump removed those Russian oil sanctions to help YOU at the pump! Wasn’t that nice of him? Trump cares about you, America!

There is a media myth surrounding the defeat of Thomas Massie and Bill Cassidy. They lost primary elections and who votes in primaries, but the reddest of the red. The Trumpiest of the Trumpers. Now, if we take 34% Trump national popularity and under 50% in the GOP, what does that tell us? Trump still holds sway over Trumpers in Trump country. Nothing we didn’t know already. But did Trump really help himself by removing two incumbents? It’s going to be a tough midterm ahead, you know. Act in haste, repent at leisure. A bird in the hand sometimes is better than an inexperienced loser in November.

It probably won’t hurt the Republicans at all in Louisiana or Kentucky. But Michigan, Wisconsin, or Ohio, on the other hand that is another story. The farm states are another story. Did all you farmers out there get those big rebate checks Mr. Trump promised you back in February? And now; all of  your troubles are over! Some of you must have been missed with farm bankruptcies up by 25% in Iowa. Trump controlling the party is not necessarily a good thing for the party. Will they work to build a bigger and stronger Republican Party or Trump! Trump! Trump?

“I know your race. It is made up of sheep. It is governed by minorities, seldom or never by majorities. It suppresses its feelings and its beliefs and follows the handful that makes the most noise. Sometimes the noisy handful is right, sometimes wrong; but no matter, the crowd follows it. The vast majority of the race, whether savage or civilized, are secretly kind-hearted and shrink from inflicting pain, but in the presence of the aggressive and pitiless minority they don’t dare to assert themselves. Think of it! One kind-hearted creature spies upon another, and sees to it that he loyally helps in iniquities which revolt both of them. Speaking as an expert, I know that ninety- nine out of a hundred of your race were strongly against the killing of witches when that foolishness was first agitated by a handful of pious lunatics in the long ago. And I know that even to-day, after ages of transmitted prejudice and silly teaching, only one person in twenty puts any real heart into the harrying of a witch. And yet apparently everybody hates witches and wants them killed. Some day a handful will rise up on the other side and make the most noise–perhaps even a single daring man with a big voice and a determined front will do it–and in a week all the sheep will wheel and follow him, and witch-hunting will come to a sudden end”  – Mark Twain