This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

The diplomatic language is purposeful and precise. Churchill gave Stalin a sword (Symbolism!) They gave Richard Nixon a cocker spaniel. (Symbolism!) President Xi gave Donald Trump a handful of rose seeds. (Symbolism!) It couldn’t have been any more insulting. Xi was referencing the bang-up decorating job the Trumps have done with the former White House Rose Garden. It was the diplomatic equivalent of “MAN, YOU AND YOUR OLD LADY SUCK!”

An insult at the highest level of diplomatic language. President Xi to President Trump. “Here’s what I really think of you!” It is easy enough for innocent diplomatic incidents. But XI was telling Trump “Your mama’s so fat” jokes to his face. And Donald Trump, the big tough blowhard that he is, had to sit there and take it. For President Xi, this was a domestic diplomatic triumph. Watch! I’ll insult him right to his face, and he’ll have to take it!

“Oh, President Xi, you are such a great and wise and powerful leader. Boy, is China ever lucky to have you!” Shut it, Donald. “Yes, sir.”

To a Chinese domestic audience, Xi had Trump doing tricks like the Westchester Kennel Club. For an American audience, little was shown. Yeah, this was a trade meeting! Uh-huh, a trade meeting! It had nothing at all to do with 40% of China’s oil needs being bottled up in the Strait of Hormuz because of Donald Trump’s war. Nothing! Nothing at all! Pissed off? Who told you the Chinese were pissed off? No, not at all. It was all just a friendly little meeting to discuss Boeing airplanes they’ll promise to buy from us someday, and then never follow through on.

It makes for a huge, meaningless trade number, something Mr. Trump can hang his hat on to bamboozle the press and the hoosters in the hustings, while the bruises on his ass heal. They’re going to buy a gazillion, billion, trillion, million airliners starting the second Tuesday of next week. The Chinese have a habit of making grand pronouncements which somehow never come to fruition. It’s a one-party state with a dictator at the helm, so what’s the worst that’s going to happen if they don’t follow through? In China, I mean. Remember when Obama bowed to some potentate or other, and the Reich wing lost their shit? The Chinese diplomatically abused Donald Trump. If I didn’t personally hate that son of a bitch so much, and fully understand the Chinese reasoning, I might be pissed off about Trump’s poor treatment in China myself. Obama bowed, Trump got beaten up.

But see; Remember, when Mr. Trump started this war and didn’t ask nobody first? He didn’t ask the Congress, and he didn’t prepare NATO. He also didn’t heads-up the Chinese. You started a war where we eat! You might potentially seriously harm the Chinese economy, and you couldn’t be bothered to give us a thought, or by your liege? Oh, by the way? To the Chinese, the issue is relatively simple. Who the fuck does Donald Trump think he is? And what gives him the right to go fucking up the world’s economy? To act unilaterally, arbitrarily, like a barbarian who doesn’t even need to ask. As careless as Godzilla stomping through downtown Tokyo. Project: Unlimited  Arrogance, takes wing.

The People’s Republic of China is one of over 130 nations worldwide who never voted even once for Donald Trump in their lives. Billions, who resent bigly Donald Trump playing Risk with their lives in the  real world. Those poor Greenlanders had to spend their Saturday picketing the new US Consulate (Your tax dollars at work!). Do you know how many nice weekends they get each year in Greenland? And they had to burn one protesting Trump. It’s shameful to scare and worry a bunch of innocent people for no good reason but hating the Untied Snakes and Donald Trump. We used to be known for blue jeans and frosty cold Coca-Colas and rock and roll, and now, we’re known for Donald Trump and mayhem.

For many generations the Untied Snakes was a beacon of freedom and hope to a struggling humanity everywhere, and Donald Trump has just extinguished that light.

They had a real good idea over at Trump Immigration the other day. Everybody with a green card. Everyone inside the country legally should just leave! Leave your job, leave your spouse and your children. Go home! Then, we’ll tell you when you can come back on a case-by-case basis. And 4 why? Just because. Just because they thought it sounded like a real good idea at the time.

These efforts are near certain to run afoul of the courts. The words arbitrary and capricious first come to mind. Stand up-sit down. Spin around on your tiptoes three times! Now, pat your head and rub your stomach. Do you wanna be an American or not? Now say, toy boat five times fast. If a freight train leaves Kansas City moving west at forty miles per hour in July. How cold is it in Cleveland? Just another layer of harassment and Trump nonsense. Quick, name every prime number up to one hundred! Who starred in the 60s TV series “Death Valley Days”? (Hint: it’s not Walter Brennen)

From scandal to scandal, to worse scandal to even worse scandal, and still it goes on. Apparently, it takes something special to work inside the Trump White House, and that little something is a penis. Tulsi Gabbard is out, fired, cashiered. Tulsi got the “she did a good job and we’re going to miss her a lot, treatment.” Unlike Pam Bondi. Bondi didn’t get the “sorry to see you go.” She got, “We wish her well in her new, and as of yet, to be located new job in the private practice.” (Don’t ever call us here!) And Pam, if you’re just now reading this; you’re fired! Five women missing, if you include Kara Lying Levitt out on maternity leave and starring in the remake of “Rosemary’s Baby.”

How do you explain the disappearance of the female gender from senior cabinet-level positions? Honestly? It would be credibly possible to explain the ladies firings, if it weren’t for Kash Patel. You could fire a cabinet officer for going way over budget on vanity commercials of herself on horseback. Coming up to where the flavor is, coming up to Marlboro country. Sure, that’s bad, but Kash Patel was drunk on national television. Kash did badly testifying before Congress. Kash has his own brand of whiskey that he carries with him at all times in custom and personally autographed bottles. Where Kash marks his whiskey bottles with #6 because he’s the sixth FBI director. Four ladies fired and Kash somehow remains on the payroll?

Someone explain that one to me please.  

“When your forces are dulled, your edge is blunted, your strength is exhausted, and your supplies are gone, then others will take advantage of your debility and rise up.” – Sun Tzu