This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

This is your 72-hour peace is coming update. “It seems a great deal of progress has been made. We’re expecting an announcement at any moment now.” Then crickets. Sure, it’s a peace negotiation and stuff is up in the air. But once, twice, and now thrice? Big talk about nothing. You wouldn’t be whispering sweet nothings into Wall Street ear, would you? A prescription to soothe the weary American public. Don’t worry America, this war will be over any minute now! And how does Mr. Trump celebrate his diplomatic victories at the bargaining table? That’s right! By attacking Iran again. Yeah, that’s right! Just like a petulant child who doesn’t get his way.

Marco Polio’s rant has reached some serious Goebbels airplay. Giving every reason in the world he could think of why Iran closing the Strait of Hormuz was wrong. “It’s illegal! It’s unlawful! China says so, and Russia says so too!” Every reason why Iran was wrong in closing the strait with nervous, excited emphasis. Only neglecting one small, tiny reason for the straits closure. The Untied Snakes attacked Iran in the midst of peace negotiations. They murdered the head of state. The US reasoning? Iran wasn’t negotiating fast enough.

Odd, isn’t it? Midnight, and we’re moments from a major announcement. Six AM, the US military has struck targets inside Iran. (In self-defense, of course.) Is there any other way? Do you believe in coincidences? The big deal doesn’t come through, and now someone shows a fit of temper? Trump has been disassociated from the war from the beginning. Equating military power against an entrenched insurgency. I sank your battleship; now,  I win! Iran closes the strait. Marco Polio insists that’s illegal! Everybody will tell you that! Everybody! Everybody knows that’s wrong! They can’t do that!

I’d wager the Iranians are punishing Mr. Trump by playing diplomatic games. They know how badly Donald Trump needs a deal. And from what I’ve read about the proposed deal, it has defeat written all over it. Both sides agree to a 60-day ceasefire and immediately open the Strait. Iran’s nuclear stockpile and deadly nuclear ambitions? “Iran can never be allowed to have a nuclear weapon because they would use it immediately!” – DJT

All the nuclear issues between the two nations have been shuffled off to the things we’ll talk about at a later date. Correct me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t that the reason for this war in the first place? Iran wasn’t negotiating fast enough? And now, we’re ready to go right back to that same negotiating table, sometime later? That is a textbook definition of surrender. Iran isn’t doing as the Trump administration wishes. Trump is doing as Iran wishes. Then, just as they get ready to make their peace announcement. When Iran pulled the rug out from under them. It had Mr. Trump so upset that he couldn’t attend Don Jr’s  wedding. That’s alright, he can catch the next one!

Mr. Trump has complained that he just couldn’t win. “If I go,” Mr. Trump said. “The press will kill me.” You know how hard the press can be on Mr. Trump. “And if I don’t go, the press will kill me.” But other than Don Jr’s ability to bamboozle a gold digger into marrying him becoming the criminal wedding event of the season. It’s hardly newsworthy. Any odds on the newlyweds’ chances? You know what they say, “When money walks in the door, Trump ex-wives and their attorneys fly out the window.

The happy couple said they wished to have a small and intimate ceremony, and then invited the President of the Untied Snakes. Sure, that’ll work! If thy name is Trump, thou seeketh publicity. Poor Donald senior was traumatized and afraid. “What will the press say if I don’t attend my son’s wedding?” If you’d stop mentioning it, they might stop asking about it? But this is Trump propaganda at work. Drawing attention to an event few people care about. Will the president come to the wedding, or won’t he? Mr. Trump insists negotiations have reached a critical point, and he needs to hang by the phone. The last thing the president wants to do is interrupt the wedding ceremony with an important phone call from Tehran. But Donald Trump didn’t attend the ceremony. He had no intention of attending.

But Donald had managed to make himself the issue on his son’s second happy day. In his mind, Donald Trump is concerned only about Donald Trump. Whether Donald Trump attends his son’s wedding or not, was the big news of the day. “Will he attend?” The world hangs breathlessly to find out.

Mr. Trump is on his way to (the good part) of Walter Reed Army hospital for his two or three times a year annual checkup. Scuttlebutt says Mr. Trump’s dementia has physical symptoms they can actually measure. Apparently, the brain actually shrinks, which they measure with an MRI and a cognitive test. It’s not a test they give to geniuses; it’s a test they give to measure intellectual decline.

Who remembers Javier Milie? Who remembers Kanye West? Milie is the President of Argentina and the recent recipient of a twenty-billion-dollar currency swap courtesy of you know who? Where we exchanged twenty billion dollars of our good currency for twenty-billion dollars of their worthless currency. President Milie is also wrapped up in a crypto coin pump and dump scandal. Enter Kanye West. Kanye was offered $750,000 up front with a million dollars more when the crypto scam was complete. The scam works like this: You, the celebrity or potentate, announce your undying love and never-ending affection for a certain crypto coin. The coin surges in value based on your celebrity value. Then, in middle of the night, while the suckers peacefully slumber, the sharpies sell out.

You, as the celebrity involved, then insist and protest loudly, claiming someone had hacked your phone and you don’t know anything at all about crypto coins. Kanye surprised me by spilling the beans. It says good things about Kanye because, unlike certain orange friends of his. He was unwilling to flim flam his own fans. Milie’s contact is a Crypto Lobbyist named Maurice Novelli. The $Libra crypto coin reached five dollars in value before suddenly collapsing to less than a dollar overnight.     

Does Novelli have any other potential customers of any political note in this country we should be aware of? Other than Malaria Trump, the First Lady of the Untied Snakes, I can’t think of any.

“There are no bad pictures; that’s just how your face looks sometimes.”
― Abraham Lincoln