This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

Everything is good. Everything is great! Like Tony the tiger, there Grreat! The President defect left Walter Reed Army Hospital after having his brain measured. His schedule read, his Trumpiness was headed for a cabinet meeting held at Camp David. Donald Trump rarely uses Camp David. It’s too “rustic” and “warm.” It’s not the kind of ambience Mr. Trump prefers. He likes gold on gold on gold. Not the beautiful tree leaf gold, but 24 carat gold.

Much as I despise this P.O.S, I suppose he has a right to his own tastes at his own house, not mine. Just think, someday some fresh-faced park ranger will lead the tour. “And this is the famous Camp David, Donald Trump rarely visited ever here. [Applause] A small piece of American history not messed with, renamed, remodeled or renovated by Trumpian hands!” Ohhh! [Applause]

The schedule changed abruptly and the President defect left the hospital after a remarkably clean bill of health, and instead, headed directly to the Presidential palace. Everything is grreat! We’ve changed our minds! We’re going to hold the cabinet meeting here. No reason, we just are! We’re grreat! Now, of course, that’s the very problem with congenital liars. They lie even when they don’t have to. They lie about everything and the only legitimate defense is to always assume they are always lying, even if it appears trivial or harmlessly truthful. So, why does the president defect leave the hospital, cancel Camp David and quietly go home? Because of the “weather” I’m told. The weather forecast is for scattered showers at Camp David. Oh, okay, I believe that! Darned old showers!

Mr. Trump has a known aversion to water. He skipped the military ceremony in France once because of the rain. We’ve all seen the Wizard of Oz, and we all know about the terrible water disasters which could occur. He doesn’t get his hair or his makeup wet. But have you noticed? In many of his recent photos, Mr. Trump appears without his famous orange bronzer. Preferring a more natural look of a pallid old man nearing eighty, who smells of mothballs and ginger ale. His face appears puffy and his hair thins in a single year. Why would you leave the hospital, cancel your plans, go home and suddenly grow quiet? Bad news, perhaps?

Either Trump’s money is getting tight for his miracle bronzer (Not bloody likely) or Mr. Trump prefers the natural look of “You’re stuck with me now! No more elections, I don’t need no stinking bronzer. Fuck it!” President Dotage, Sunset at Camp Mar a Lago. It’s kind of funny peculiar, how when we have a checkup and they’ll call us with the results in a day or two. But the President defect is announced to be in great health, within twenty minutes of putting his pants back on.

Now, did the medical staff hotshot the president’s test results, or are they lying? You know they won’t ever tell us the truth either way. Eisenhower had a heart attack, and they called it dental surgery. This was back in the dark ages of political lying. Where you couldn’t announce the president had a mild heart attack to the public. That would be a sign of weakness, and the Russkies might choose that very moment to let us have it! Plus, there was the ever-present fear of Richard Nixon becoming president, even for just a couple of days! Yep, dental surgery. Get well, Ike!

“Hello?” The White House has announced after intense negotiations there should be a settlement in the Iran war this week! Stand by! After announcing the settlement was only hours away. After announcing a pending settlement over and over and over. “Wall Street, this call is for you!” This week or maybe next week, or maybe the week after that. This, after repeating the same message over and over, implies the administration really doesn’t have a clue. Everything is grreat!

Then over the weekend, the ceasefire was broken when US forces struck one Iranian ground target (a nonexistent) missile launcher) and one boat claimed to be laying those mines; the US said Iran doesn’t have any more. The Iranians, in response, shot down a US MQ-9 Reaper drone. Suggested Retail price: $16 to $30 million. Iran published the shoot down video because they wanted it to sting. The Iranian’s were making a point. “If you wanna go some more? We’re ready.”

President Trump has said more times than a dog licks his nuts in summer that the Iranian navy is sunk and their air force has been destroyed. Yahtzee! I win! But the strait is still closed. You would think a guy who lived through the Vietnam War would have learned the lesson of the Vietnam War, even if he had a doctor’s note to preclude his own participation. Please excuse Donny cause… he’s a spoiled, pampered little rich kid. If you cannot make them surrender militarily. Learn from Vladimir’s mistake and make a deal.

I read an estimate which predicted that Iran’s oil storage capacity is about to reach the full mark. At that point Iran will have to either start shutting down wells (Damaging them) or make a deal. You can determine the abstainer by the announced terms of the proposed deal.

A Sixty-day ceasefire – mutually beneficial

The Strait of Hormuz is reopened – mutually beneficial

All talk of Iran’s nuclear ambitions are placed neatly inside a can and kicked far, far down the road. To the things we will talk about later, someday – Iran

I suggest making the Trump regime back down on the very reason why they started the war in the first place, is a clear and convincing victory for Iran. The administration’s on again and off again miscues. Give the appearance of confusion and a lack of control. I went to bed the other night with an announcement due any moment, and woke up to them shooting at each other again. Whatever happened to the Art of the Deal?

He who hesitates isn’t lost, they’re only hiding from the decisions they don’t wish to make. Act in haste and repent at leisure, Donald Trump has suffered a total defeat on the world stage. It is a defeat which will follow us all for years and years to come.

In a monarchy, the king and his family are the country; in a republic it is the common voice of the people. Each of you, for himself, by himself and on his own responsibility, must speak. And it is a solemn and weighty responsibility, and not lightly to be flung aside at the bullying of pulpit, press, government, or the empty catchphrases of politicians. Each must for himself alone decide what is right and what is wrong, and which course is patriotic and which isn’t. – Mark Twain