This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

There is an old show-biz adage which says, “Never go on after kids or animals.” And since the demise of late-night talk show hosts not inviting zoo directors anymore. So America remains ignorant about what happens when you try to mix animal and human affairs. If only they’d watched Johnny Carson, they’d know that elephant was about to piss all over the place. Or stick out his tail like a weathercock and poop. Maybe snatch the governor’s hairpiece off his head with his trunk. Trying to make a speech and they’ve placed a live two-ton elephant behind you. (What could possibly go wrong?)

Somebody, probably a younger person and someone probably no longer employed by the party, thought. They’ve probably been marked for life as the person responsible for the infamous  “elephant fiasco!“ Oh, this will be a great idea! Wait till my boss sees this!” So, as the elephant enters the room, urinating to beat the band. Gallons leaked everywhere, splish, splash were taking a bath, like a freshman at a keg party. Cleanup in aisles four, five, and six! And objectively, this was the best thing to happen to the Republican Party all weekend.

Public schools should begin teaching “Murphy’s Laws” in grade school. “The chances of failure are directly proportional to the number and importance of those watching.” That elephant is either going to poop or pee, the second you walk out that door. And were it just a regular circus, no one would really care about an effluent irrigating elephant. Elephants, do that! But this was a political circus where a leaking elephant on a linoleum floor could be considered political commentary. Who did the background check on that pachyderm?

The idea of the elephant was to evoke the long-gone appreciation of a circus parade. You do remember circus parades, don’t you? Are you a hundred years old or better? An elephant under a cloth monogrammed robe. See the tie in? Circus parade, elephants, cognitive tests, Republicans! Huh? Huh? Pretty clever, don’t you think? My boss is going to be so surprised! Wait until he sees this!

The very latest peace deal is gonna be signed any minute now! The last deal I saw with any details listed was bleak. You’re gonna need a lot more elephants! Iran to open the Strait of Hormuz immediately! All talks of Iranian nuclear material and aspirations are to be held sometime in the unexplored future. A couple of months from now, in the future. Or sometime when the heat is off and the press isn’t watching so close. At a time to be jointly chosen somewhere in the near future! And for dessert! 24 billion dollars in freshly printed one hundred dollar Uncle Sam bills. Twelve billion dollars now, and the other twelve billion, when the Strait is open and operating.

Let’s see, we were having nuclear talks with Iran. Now, we’re not! Good news though; we might have talks again someday! Someday in the future! After we give them back their twenty-four billion dollars. I don’t see anything on the scoreboard for our side. Mr. Trump said the reason for this war was Iran couldn’t be allowed to have a nuclear weapon, and now we’ll talk about that later someday. But whatcha gonna do with all that money? Don’t spend it all in one place! Maybe the new deal is much better than this last one; I’m sure. 

See what I mean? What’s a little elephant piss on your shoes when compared to public surrender? A single mop could clean up the whole elephant affair, while the legacy of “Trump’s Lost War” will stand and last and outlive us all. The US military has been humbled, ala Vietnam. That lesson reverberates throughout the world. The Death Star has a weakness, Luke.

The invasion of Ukraine has changed the world. Cheap technology defeats expensive technology. Russian anti-aircraft missiles weren’t designed to shoot down drones. The Russian defense missiles are around a million a pop. After firing six missiles, they need to reload. That’s when the incoming drones hit the Russian radar station. Scuttlebutt says the Russians are removing their combat radars back to Russian territory. What Ukraine has done with drones has changed combat and warfare. By hitting the oil refineries there is a permanent gas shortage and a food shortage, and an ammunition shortage. Out on the Novorossiysk highway the Russian trucks are getting regularly plugged by drones. Estimates say 80% of the trucks headed for Crimea will never arrive at the front line.

The Kursk Bridge is now highly restricted after repeated attacks. The Black Sea is closed and Russia is running out of roads. There is a long back route on a narrow two-lane country road. It’s only an extra hundred and fifty miles during a fuel shortage. Ukraine has hollowed out the Russian economy with its drones and its intelligence network. Hitting single-source companies where there are no replacement suppliers in Russia as targets. And spreading defeatism in Russia.

Twenty-five percent interest rates and a nearly worthless currency, and workers not being paid regularly. The administration withdrawing air defense from the front line in favor of Moscow and St. Petersburg. Financial experts says Russia is selling off its national gold reserve, but it’s still is not enough. These experts say in another 60 days and Russia will be flat-ass broke. One of the ironies of this war was Ukraine joining NATO. But that’s no longer important with a prostrate and bankrupt Russia.

A Russia like the Confederate States of America, with towns with no men left in them save for the amputees, old men, and little boys. A lost generation or two or three. Russia won’t be bothering anyone in Europe after this for a hundred years. Broke, backwards, and demographically defiled. Like Germany after World War II, except with no one helping them to rebuild. With Trump vacillating in Europe, who knows what NATO’s future holds?

But who knows what Russia’s future holds? What Russia could do to itself is far worse than anything the West could do to Russia. A sort of Mad Max with Russian cars Vas, Gaz, Uaz, Volga. Lada, Moskvich, Zaporozhets, cars broken down along the side of the road or out of gas. A sort of Mad Max on foot. But a Russia potentially breaking up.

Little Big Man, Vladimir Putin recently changed the law. Russian companies can now buy and own soldiers and military equipment and hardware to defend their facilities. The government can’t  protect you anymore. So you’re on your own, protect yourself as best you can. Mad Max, War Lords.  

“Mortal danger is an effective antidote for fixed ideas.”
― Erwin Rommel