This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

Boom, there it is! And a long time in coming it was, too. Crack! A Senate audience with the king turned into a shouting match over Iran. Dash it all, he doth spoke directly at the king’s head, sir! Republican Senator Bill Cassidy lost his primary to a Trump-backed candidate. So there was no love lost between the two. But inside this mystery is a riddle. How will Trump-backed candidates do this November in light of the New York Socialist massacre? Exchanging incumbency for Trumpanzee. Oh, can you feel the winds of change?

Alabama’s own, because no one else wants him, Senator Tommy Tupperware said the exchange between two men was collegial. Much like the Mike Tyson -Buster Douglas fight. Mr. Trump asked where the senators got off voting for a Democratic war resolution? Cassidy then asked Mr. Trump if that was a rhetorical question? Then, Senator Cassidy proceeded to tell Mr. Trump exactly where he gets off. A real Donnybrook! Don’t try this at home. The neighbors would call the cops.  Finally! Finally, someone finally had the balls from his own party to stand up and tell Mr. Trump to “shut the fuck up!”

Hearing actual criticism ringing in his ears, Mr. Trump immediately shut down and went into limp mode,  rolling into a fetal position. Mr. Trump was on Capitol Hill to sign the bipartisan housing bill but, fuck that! Now! Now you’ve done it! Now you’ve made him mad. He’s going home to the golden palace, and he’s not coming back! I hope now, you’re happy with yourself! Don’t bother phoning trying to apologize later!

But even more than Mr. Trump’s childish petulance, you see a Republican Party pushed to the edge until finally snapping, through Mr. Trump’s wildly unpopular policies. Only 30% of Republicans approved of Mr. Trump’s war with Iran before the gas prices shot through the roof. Now, today? Don’t ask; they wouldn’t ever publish such figures as that anyway. You’ll notice; as Mr. Trump’s approval declines, so also the media declines to report on it. “For the first time the president’s approval rating reached 29% And also in the news! Big train wreck somewhere! Storms, thunder and lightning! Panic in the streets!”

When Mr. Trump left Capitol Hill for his golden palace. How can I put this delicately? He was pissed off to the max! He was wrecked the old man’s new car, pissed off. It’s doubtful if Mr. Trump will speak to any of them ever again. The Justice Department announced it’s opening investigations into all 535 members of Congress. I’m serious, he’s not speaking to them. Maybe if you brought McDonald’s next time, he might let you in. But I wouldn’t count on it.

Firefighter Mike Johnson screams, “Everything is fine! Everybody is happy! It only looks like a disaster because our plan is working so well! It’s just smoke from the barbeque, not the house on fire. It’s going great! Why do you ask? Oh, he’s not really angry, not at us anyway. But he looked really angry and he walked out of a room filled with cameras taking his picture. That’s not like him. Mr. Trump has signaled that if the Congress is going to yell at him. He’s going to ignore them all completely. If he’s going to lose the midterms anyway! He’ll start right here and now with these fuckers! Call it: The day Mr. Trump lost the Congress on purpose.

See: King Charles I of England’s personal rule. For a malignant narcissist, it only makes good walking around sense. If everyone is your enemy anyway and they are all going to turn on you eventually. It only makes sense! To beat them to the punch! And repudiate them first. Mr. Trump is now at war with the Republican Senate. Attention, ladies and gentleman, if you look out your window you will see a highly dysfunctional presidential administration slowly imploding. The Hindenburg approaching the mooring mast.

Mr. Trump says if you have any questions about the algae bloom or that viscous attack on our nation’s precious reflecting pool, to ask the parks commissioner. Mr. Trump chose the color for the pool himself! Mr. Trump chose the contractor for the pool himself! Mr. Trump bragged at how great and perfect it was going to be. And now, when it all turns to shit. Mr. Trump says, ask the park’s commissioner. That answer left me deeply disappointed and uncertain.

Where is that lying Donald Trump we’ve all come to know? Friends, when Donald Trump can’t come up with a decent lie, we’re all in trouble. Get JD warming up in the bullpen. This man is probably the biggest and grandest liar in all of recorded human history! And he says, “Ask the parks commissioner!” He’s locked up! Donald is undone. My Aunt Fanny could come up with a good lie for that. It’s not even a difficult situation, not really. What’s going on here?

Why won’t he lie? He could blame Hunter Biden if he really wanted to. I doubt whether anyone would believe old Joe was actually out there with a box cutter, but you could still blame Hunter. It’s like Tinker Bell is dying or something! Maybe if we all lie together, we can all save him! When the day comes in this country when Donald Trump can’t tell a lie. There is something bad wrong. Maybe he was just having a down day, or maybe he just forgot himself and forgot his dementia. Forgetting that a lie was expected from him. Us little peons and Trumpozoids we live for his lies.

For Donald Trump it’s all downhill from here. Even Tucker Carlson has now denounced him.

“Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.”
― Voltaire