This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

Once upon a time, an evil king foolishly started a war with Iran. Scrambling to escape his error, while scratching his ass and winding his watch, the king agreed to a ceasefire. Then the king agreed to a ridiculously one-sided memo ran dumb of not understanding. “King gets beat over the head by loyalists over his stupid surrender document.” The US violates the ceasefire as the administration sends its top relatives and cronies. Big meeting coming up everybody! High-level negotiations! Watch care- “Poof!”  Where did it all go? It’s gone!

When the going gets tough they simply change the subject. “Boy! It sure is a hot one today.” Fourth of July weekend. And it’s really hot out! Details at eleven. Europe has been cooking for a month with just a few news snippets. Hundreds dead, and the French are discussing the ethicy of air conditioning. I’m not trying to minimize the effects of climate change, only to make the point that it’s only news when they want it to be. Only when it’s convenient to be the headlines in the news.

Trump fucks up! Quick! Change the subject! The king pays his crony 15 million on a no-bid contract to seal the reflecting pool. They used “bubblers” to keep down the algae, but bubblers don’t work so good in less than three feet of water. Who knew? “What am I, a pool guy or something? The pool turns Kermit the Frog green. Then, the “idiots” then poured gallons of dangerous chemicals into the pool in an assbackwards solution to a problem, so far beyond their understanding. If we were playing Jeopardy, the question would be, “Bad things we do after being told angrily to fix it immediately or else it’s off to Antarctica?”

Trump fucks up! The Flex-seal covering the reflecting pool is coming off in sheets! “It must be vandals, Leftists and Communists!” Trump seriously pulled that story right out of his butt, and the media answer, YES SIR! That must be the reason, alright! Five people arrested, and one under suspicion. Holy Soviet Union, Batman! Arrested for a crime that never occurred. How do you plead? Guilty or not innocent! Next, they brought out the bought-out husk of Jeanne Pirro, and she outlined the totally fabricated case to cover the king’s total fuck-up! (Remember kids! Never get your plastic or gender reassignment surgery done in a third-world country. She sings tenor in the RFK Jr’s. Halleluiah choir.

A US attorney goes on Fox News and declares the suspect is, “Guilty! Guilty! Guilty!” Me? I’m just a poor boy who never had the means to attend law school, but something about that seems somehow irregular and inappropriate in my public school background.  It sounds much like the antics of Roland Frieisler. Frieisler was the top Nazi prosecutor. He was famous for haranguing suspects before their show trials began for the benefit of newsreel cameras. Nothing is new under the sun, I suppose, is it?

Because Trump lied, they changed the news to the reflecting pool rather than a war costing us billions and billions of dollars. When the pool turned the color of Mountain Dew. Someone, I’ll let you be the judge of whom. Told someone they had better get that fucking green out of the pool Immediately! Or I’m shipping you out on the next bus to Antarctica! Caustic chemicals were used and damage was caused. Forcing Donald Trump to lie again, and claim it was vandals! We, the rationally thinking understand this to be a total fabrication. But the news media presents it to you as “the truth.” Believe! Believe like your neighbors! Reject reality! Don’t make us come to your house.

It is beginning to look as if Donald Trump’s Freedom 250 fair was all just a scam after all. I’m shocked! Are you shocked too? They just took all the money and put it in their pockets, and put up this piece of shit here and called it a State Fair. It’s so boring you can see the boredom from outer space. There is a lot to do in Washington, the competition for your entertainment dollar is stiff. There’s the air-conditioned Air and Space Museum or the air-conditioned Smithsonian. Or attend Donald Trump’s spite fair under the fires of hell and watch people bursting into flames in the summer heat.

Attention: No personal water bottles will be allowed. We have some lovely overpriced soft drinks you’ll just love, and I think we still have some ice left.

On day one, it rained and flooded. Vanilla Ice cancelled due to his shift commitment at the Home Depot. Day two, more rain and soggy conditions. On day three, the sun comes out. Donald Trump’s 1/3 size monument is authentic, and like Mr. Trump himself, is falling apart. Then a speaker cabinet fell onto the main stage from the rafters barely missing dancer’s practicing for the big shoe. Could it be the work of more vandals? Maybe it was terrorists who did that. Maybe it was another attempt on Donald Trump’s life. Either that, or some dipshit they hired off Craigslist didn’t tie something off properly.

Poor Fox News, I actually feel sorry for them. They are trying their level best to puff the goods but it’s just not working, because this fair is BORING and lacks entertainment value! Then when Fox tires of explaining that three is actually three hundred. Larry Kudlow says, they were waiting on the stock markets to close. Once that bus from Wall Street arrives, look out! But there is something especially pitiful about explaining each weak lie away with another weak lie.

Years ago there was an episode of “The Sopranos” where Paulie Walnuts was supposed to hire carnival rides for a religious festival. But Paulie told Bobby to do it. So, Bobby hired a shady operator like himself and pocketed the difference. Then a kid got hurt, and there was hell to pay. You see, the mob wasn’t mad about Bobby pocketing the money. But it was the old neighborhood! You don’t cheat the people in the old neighborhood! Life imitating art. But back in the day, even the worst criminals had some limits!

They’d kill you if you crossed them. They’d silence you if you made them. But they wouldn’t rip off the home folks on the biggest holiday of the year.

“All the news that fits the newsprint news, if we say it’s news and it doesn’t make them look too stupid or corrupt news, they might print it. We got your back Donnie! Democracy dies in the dark or in darkness of dark money.

The President Defect lost a war last month. Then proudly signed a surrender document in Europe without any Iranian diplomats present. What are they going to do with it? Stick it in a Fed-Ex envelope to Tehran? You saw it on the news. A fake signing ceremony of a fake document. All for your benefit and for Fox news’s benefit. This is U-TV for U the viewer. “Donald Trump signs a historic agreement!” Peace is at hand; Trump  wins again!

Coming up next! Our Fox News Science editor answers the question we’re all wondering, “is it always hot in July?”

“We know that they are lying, they know that they are lying, they even know that we know they are lying, we also know that they know we know they are lying too, they of course know that we certainly know they know we know they are lying too as well, but they are still lying. In our country, the lie has become not just moral category, but the pillar industry of this country.”
― Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn