This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

The NATO meeting went boffo off the rails. Important issues were decided, and positions were strengthened and solidified. For example; it was agreed by all privately that Donald Trump was officially off his rocker and roller skating on one skate. Oh, where to begin?

“The Islamic Republic of Japan!” Or my favorite, repeatedly calling President Erdogan of Turkey president Putin of Russia. Note: President Putin was not an invited guest nor ever a member of NATO. Date of last cognitive test? President Trump used this opportunity to discuss one of his favorite subjects and pressing concerns with the Allies …Donald Trump. Do you know how dangerous it is to be Donald Trump? Okay, well, you know how dangerous it is to live in a country led by Donald Trump, right? Being Donald Trump must be at least twice as frightening as that.

Trump’s college of collegiate cardinals, cronies and malingering misfits stood behind him. As Mr. Trump bleated out interesting facts and statistics about himself for the awe-struck press. Most of the cronies stood at ease, but you know our Pete Hegseth. He was acting like a bouncer in tough-guy town. His tense eyes darted around the room. His hair slicked back like Leonardo Decaprio in “The Wolf of Wall Street.” Baby Huey Rambo needs to be ready to pounce at a moment’s notice! He kept his hands open in that famous GI Joe hand pose, just ready for anything. A forty-five caliber pistol or a rocket ship throttle. He’s Pete Powers, “The Action Man.” As Seen on TV!

This part was funny. Trump walks in and the groveling goombahs lined up behind Mr. Trump. But like everything else in the Trump administration, the lineup was off kilter. With one member of the team left off-camera, to the right with a missing space to the left. This forced the nearly imaginary already, and vertically impaired Secretary of State, Marco Rubio, to stand behind Mr. Trump’s right shoulder. Leaving Rubio to lean in and sort of pop up over Mr. Trump’s shoulder to be noticed from time to time behind the President defect. Accident? Oh, whoops, I never noticed, you should have said something Marco!

Gosh, everyone knows how hard it is for college-educated men to line up and count to five. Come on, bunch up and get everyone into the shot. I had wondered if, like Full Metal Jacket, which one of these Gomer Pyle’s would be the first to laugh at one of the President’s verbal miscues. Who decided to let him talk? Smile, wave, and say, “We’re having a lovely time.” But in the name of all that is holy, don’t let him talk to the press unscripted.

All bulwarks against the 25^th Amendment have now been removed. The President defect confused the identity of world leaders, not once or twice, but repeatedly. It’s the Islamic Republic of Iran, not Japan! The Ayatollah doesn’t live in Osaka. The man to whom you are currently speaking is the President of Turkey, not Russia. And you’ve met him many times before. Do you remember, sir? “Duh, is it Joe Biden?”

Thank God they have a controlled North Korean style news/propaganda  media. The things Donald Trump did and said at that NATO meeting would outrage the average American. Fortunately for Trump, most except for his most egregious and comedic, will be left buried on the European shores. You know: It’s like Vegas! Whatever you fuck up in Europe stays in Europe! No need to tell the American public by word or deed that the puddin head has now gone full puddin head.

To NATO, the diagnosis was obvious. (Full Puddin Head) Nod and smile politely when he speaks to you, but pay him no mind. We’re just going to have to soldier on without them from this point onward, and assume that maybe someday the Untied Snakes will rejoin the alliance. “Did you guys know that there is a five percent chance I could be assassinated?” You evil minds out there! Don’t even think it! “Well, a five point one percent chance of being assassinated, to be exact.”

Silah aljawi wahid (the grifted Air Force One) has unexpectedly been sidelined. For some unknown reason, the plane is now to be sent off on a tour of European military bases (Gosh, they’re so lucky) and then never to be heard from ever again. IF, there was a good reason to ditch the plane it would have been announced and explained. But since they’re being cagey about the reason, it’s safe to assume the reason must be something stupid behind it. For some non-mechanical reason Mr. Trump has switched back to the old taxpayer-funded Air Force One. Maybe he felt that pea under his mattresses.

I suspect, this being the first big, long trip with a like-new, one owner(second-hand) Air Force One aircraft. There were festivities and free alcohol being served. Somewhere over Greenland, maybe. Maybe there was some loose talk and unwise talk. Maybe somebody said something about maybe being somebodies bitch to get an airplane like this. You know how rich guys are. You won’t see that plane or that loose-lipped guest ever again. And you can forget about the one billion dollars in presidential upgrades too!

Fox News has reported on the mysterious disappearance of Senator Mitch McConnell. “He’s fine.” What? You want even more information? Pry, why don’t you? Let’s see, a senator has a heart attack and hasn’t been heard from in over two weeks, and Fox answers the controversy with, “He’s fine!” There, that should settle things. Two members of McConnell’s staff are said to have spoken with the senator. He’s feeling much better and can’t wait to get back to work. Why don’t I believe them? Because the Republicans changed the law so a Democratic governor couldn’t fuck them by a appointing a Democratic Senator So if Mitch has gone bye-bye, it’s special election time and the Republicans don’t have a viable candidate.

He’s alive! He’s alive I tell you! We promise! He can’t wait to get back to work. See! He’s only sleeping. Don’t wake him! He needs his rest.

“Mad world, mad kings, mad composition!
John, to stop Arthur’s title in the whole,
Hath willingly departed with a part;
And France, whose armour conscience buckled on,
Whom zeal and charity brought to the field  – William Shakespeare