This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

Come on, fellas, I’m insulted! You’ve had over a bleeding month and this is what you came up with? It’s like they were surprised by it all. “They really want to see a photograph of Mitch.” Wha? What for? Tell them “He’s feeling fine and raring to get back to work. “Sir, they really want to see a recent photograph.” Do we have any photographic experts on staff? “No, sir.” Any technicians? “No, sir.” Well, fortunately, my twelve-year-old nephew, Herbert, is pretty handy with these things. Herb will get us our photograph! “Yes, sir.”

I’m not claiming to be a photographic expert, but…. Why does it look like Mitch is standing up and they photoshopped a pillow behind his back? If Mitch is sitting up in bed, what’s his wife doing? Either they are both standing or they are both sitting up in bed. Whatever it is, they are both doing the same thing! It appears little Herbert wasn’t near as clever as they might have hoped. Oh, and Herb, if you’re reading this. Next time don’t use a photo where Mitch looks like he just got off a cruise ship from Nassau.

Mitch had a major, major heart attack. He almost died! He disappears for a month. Why? Because he’s sick as hell. Weakened and possibly brain-dead. And you bring us a photo where it looks like he’s sitting up in bed, even though there is no bend in his waist. Mitch is clearly standing in this photo. And they show us a photo of Mitch smiling? In a collared shirt? Do you know who wears collared shirts in hospital beds? Not patients! You don’t wear a collared shirt in a hospital bed. You wear a hospital gown. See? If you Photoshop a pillow behind his back. It almost looks as if he’s sitting up in bed. Great work Herbie!

It’s just not right, and we should demand better from our corrupt officials. If they’re committing fraud by hiding a Senator’s health an or brain-dead condition. They should really put their backs into it and go whole hog. The difference in prison time is negligible, but you’re less likely to get caught. Craigslist? Fiver? They couldn’t find a better photograph than that to work with? See: Politicians are trained to always smile. So it’s difficult to find a photo looking weak and pale and recovering from a near-fatal heart attack.

This photo, all by its little old self, validates to the world that a criminal fraud is taking place. Mitch is not well and possible being kept alive only by machines. Robbing the people of Kentucky and shitting on the legacy and memory of their favorite son. Using the corpse of a United States Senator as a human placeholder. “No, no! He’s not dead! Watch! When I jab him in the side with these hemostats his body still jumps!” Mitch probably would have wanted it this way.

But enough with the levity! “Weekend at Bernie’s” Art, comedy, imitating real life. You would think that would be enough to fill to the brim our American levity plates. But oh no, friends, not even close. What happens when a crazy, senile, malignant narcissist who thinks he’s king of the world becomes humbled, humiliated, embarrassed, and crestfallen?

“And it’s one, two, three, what are we fighting for? Don’t ask me, I don’t give a damn, next stop is in Iran!”

I had previously declared that I believed Donald Trump was stupid enough to introduce ground troops into Iran. What I had wondered about was whether the Pentagon was stupid enough to go along with him? They answered firmly, yes! And just for those a little weak in their geography skills, Iran is approximately the size of Texas. They are moving troops and assets around in the same way they did before the Gulf War. Cost? Well, look at it this way. The cost of landing men on the moon was around twenty-plus billion dollars. The cost of the Vietnam War was five times that much. We could go to Mars and provide free healthcare or rebuild our energy infrastructure, or we can go to war with Iran. Blowing a hole in the deficit unimagined and beyond human reckoning. Have you seen the videos of the gas lines in Russia lately? Miles long they are! Fifteen to twenty dollars a gallon! (Sorry: Eight gallons per customer max.) Are you still sure you want to fuck with Iran?

That’s the plan, or maybe it’s all a bluff trying to gain an advantage in negotiations. But Iran likes the current deal and would be satisfied to let it stay in place. They are in legal control of the Strait of Hormuz. The aggressor here is clearly the United States. There is a fixed rule in all of Bullydom. The bully can’t ever back down or lose a fight without losing their veneer. Where would Fonzie be if he let Potsy kick his ass?

From a fascist neocon position, the United States cannot leave Iran in charge of the strait. We’re supposed to be the toughest guys on this mud ball. You see the problem, don’t you? The Iranians can’t back down and neither can we. In his raging insanity, Mr. Trump bovates the world should thank us and pay us! For causing their high energy prices. And we’re going to build a wall, and we’re going to make Mexico pay for it! “America’s got plenty of gas! And they don’t care if the price goes to fifteen or twenty dollars a gallon! Do they? You watch, Americans don’t care if they have to wait in three or four-hours in line for gas!

What the said ground war would do; not just to the American economy, but to the world economy. The winner of the war gets a worldwide depression; it might take the rest of this century to crawl out of. “Pride goeth before a fall.” But unlike Mr. Trump at peace. Mr. Trump at war, gives him many new war powers! “Heads he wins, and tails we lose!” A little war is a good thing to a malignant narcissist. Patriotism and political distraction all rolled up into one. And if it destroys the economy he can always buy up the wreckage, cheap!

“You have sat too long for any good you have been doing lately. Depart, I say, and let us have done with you. In the name of God, go!”.   – Oliver Cromwell