This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

It was such a small story and so barely noticeable. Satellite photos confirm that the radar sets have been removed from Russian Arctic bases. It says so much about Russia’s current predicament. That they would leave one flank so completely unguarded. You could attack with a fleet of Goodyear blimps and they’d never see you coming. The Russians are running out of radar sets; I wonder what else they are running out of? With reports of street-corner draft notices and police abductions. “Halt! You’re under induction!”

It has gotten so bad that they’re drafting young men in Moscow where the pampered live in privilege. Just like Vietnam; a busload of poor kids headed for the DMZ and a bus filled with rich kids going to summer camp, college or a privileged technical institute. If they’re snatching these kids off the street, they have really reached rock bottom. Who would you want fighting with you? The Dirty Dozen or Welcome Back Kotter?

Reports say that Krash Patel, head of the Fermented Beverage Institute, was lectured and told to stay home and do his job for a change, after new fantasy reports surfaced of Iranian plots to assassinate Mr. Trump. Krash was forced to cancel his trip to Chicago on the FBI’s dime, where conveniently Krash’s girlfriend was scheduled to hold a concert. I can see Krash’s point. The Iranians would be out of their minds crazy to try to assassinate Mr. Trump. Mr. Trump is practically the messiah they have been waiting for. He’s given them everything they’ve ever asked for.

Did you happen to self-mistreat yourself to Mr. Trump’s press conference? He was already in a fine lather because NBC and (Fake News) ABC chose not to carry the event live. Only See BS carried the event live because, well, you know. (slurp, slurp!) It was at Mr. Trump’s last press conference where the President defect asked for network time only to drift off subject and lose his theme. So most of the networks have gotten wise except for (slurp, slurp).

Mr. Trump did not disappoint! He successfully put together vowels and consonants and formed real words and sentences. Some with actual meaning! Most just a random selection of sounds and verbal mis-manifestations. Something about the 2020 election. Again, with the 2020 election! But the performance was lacking. The screaming red hats are mostly gone. He’s all alone now, an old man in decline ranting about something or other. “Hey you kids! Stay off my lawn!”

Something was missing; the fire’s gone out. The old coot is ranting about 2020 as Americans are facing higher energy prices in a war no one asked for or wants. The entire press conference was merely a repeat of Mr. Trump’s baseless election claims. The Trump team expected Mr. Trump’s message to hit America hard, like a thunderbolt. Newsflash: Mr. Trump says the 2020 election was stolen! Stop the presses! You might think a president who started a war might be interested in sharing with us how it goes. Nope! 2020 election!

We’re smashing this and destroying that! It’s like an episode of Batman, “Pow! Sock! Bash! Zowie!” Until, I have no idea what we’re up to. I know during one of the Gulf Wars the Air Force ran out of targets. After seven weeks of an intense air campaign in Iran, I wonder what’s still left to shoot at? What’s the plan, Stan? How are the US military forces going to force Iran into surrender?  

Now Iran’s strategy has been to close the Strait of Hormuz. Believing reducing the world’s oil supply, driving up prices and raising world tensions will make Mr. Trump relent, just like last time. Can we sell our oil? “Sure.” Will you make all the sanctions go away? “Sure.” Will you unlock the billions in frozen assets for us? “Of course.” Will you help us fund our rebuilding campaign? “Certainly.” Where do we sign? Will you ever leave us alone to run the Gulf? “Ahhh,”

The rule is really quite simple. If a news story shows Mr. Trump in a poor light or the administration in a bad light. The story quickly disappears. Did you see Mr. Trump in his prime time press conference last night? Nope? Less than 12 hours after Mr. Trump gave a word-vomit press conference, it quickly disappeared from the media. You’d never know it happened if you didn’t already know. Sentences without nouns. Sentences without subjects. What press conference are you talking about? There was no press conference yesterday, Winston.

[Attention America] Mr. Trump has involved us in a shooting war in the Persian Gulf. You won’t hear  much about it on the news what with the flower show being in town, and the new Disney movie being released. A new diner opened in town. Record temperatures all across the Southwest! The best time to go fishing is after ten-thirty in the morning. The moon rises at eleven o’clock. The dew point is 67 degrees with a relative humidity of 22%.

No embedded reporters and no live reports from the front. “Take our word for it. It’s going great!” We’ve shot down their air force twice and sunk their Navy three times already! Excuse the fucking Forest Gump out of me. But I’ve heard all those bullshit Vietnam happy-talk reports before. The enemy is 90% destroyed and 100% in our faces. This is the Slipsey Macbraggard Administration; if the situation were going well, they couldn’t keep their mouths shut to tell you all about their great and mighty victories. But because they don’t want to mention it or talk about it much, it’s safe to assume the opposite is probably true.   

“Not everything has a name. Some things lead us into a realm beyond words…By means of art were are sometimes sent – dimly, briefly – revelations unattainable by reason.” ― Alexander Solzhenitsyn