This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

I was sitting here musing about the Trump administration. Exciting, huh? But I had been considering the disastrous appearance of Krash Patel, the Fermented Beverage Inspector, before Congress. I’ve been watching these things for a long time and this was truly, truly a poor, poor performance. Part Mafia Don, “I don’t know nuthin!” Part college freshman over his head in deep water.

But I became convinced that day. Krash is going to be fired and eventually go to jail. So I started thinking, Krash is definitely going. Who else? They tricked Krash into admitting to the crime of obstruction after proving he perjured himself under oath. All in one day! Krash didn’t know anything and could not remember why he fired the agents who had been assigned to investigate Mr.Trump. What he couldn’t remember could fill a book. And it’s not that Krash Patel is the most criminal in a carnivorous circle of pernicious criminal predators.

He is perhaps just the ripest berry, and the easiest to reach and pluck. The man literally convicts himself. Krash told the committee he never deleted 2.4 terabytes of FBI files on the pardoned Trump buddy and criminal ally, Mike Flynn. Now imagine you are the FBI director. You know that you did it! You should know the nice congressman wouldn’t be asking you about it, if he didn’t already know it too. “I have no knowledge of that!” Your login password was used around four in the morning at FBI headquarters. Checkpoints were skipped and the security overrides all done with your pin number in the middle of the night.

Krash might be fired already. The administration likes to space these things out. Pam Bondi was fired the minute her lips said the Epstein list was on her desk. Jetson! You’re fired! In about six weeks. They don’t want Trump to look rash or unhinged, and they definitely don’t want to talk about the Epstein files! Wait for the furor to die down long enough to calmly claim deniability and show that bitch the door!

Probably next in our “sure thing” category is Todd Blanche. He negotiated the deal between Donald Trump and Ghislaine Maxwell. Talk about having a target painted on your back! Trump’s personal attorney, Epstein, Maxwell, ICE, and Trump. A disastrous Senate interrogation. So, maybe Todd gets the big job, and then again, maybe not. But Todd, like Krash, is an obvious public-facing target.

Now I understand that we all want to climb to the top of the rock. And be the big success our mothers had predicted for us. But if that road led to your obvious, eventual destruction, why would you pursue it? If you were a Mafia thug or something, that’s your job! Maybe you have no other career choice. But Todd’s an attorney! He could chase ambulances and make a good living. He doesn’t have to do it. He isn’t forced by circumstances or necessity to do the things he does. He does it all voluntarily. Donald Trump can make Todd look like a dildo on national television, and Todd’s okay with that.

I guess I just don’t love money enough. I suspect it’s because I’ve had so little of it for so long we’re barely acquainted anymore. The President wants you to investigate the three hundred foot gash in the deflecting pool that’s not there. He wants you to prosecute at least five people and have them arrested before sundown! IF, and it’s a genuine if, if Todd escapes prosecution and jail time, what are his future employment prospects? Will he be disbarred? Who? Will ever want Todd on their corporate board? It’s like a red flag for the Securities and Exchange Commission. Ex-Trump attorney hired! They must be up to something crooked to hire that guy!

But you and I are only spectators, and yet we can see it coming. Is the limelight that blinding to not see the brick wall looming up ahead? Is temporary celebrity, importance, and money a fair exchange for near-certain destruction and permanent public ignominy? He’s college educated, but sometimes, as they say, college educated doesn’t mean he’s any smarter.

At worst, Todd will go to jail and be disbarred and be a footnote in the news when he’s released from prison. At best, Todd will work with former Trump Attorney General, Bill Barr at the legal firm of Barr and Disbarred. It’s almost like the Highlander. You can run wild for a year or two, but then they’re coming to take your head.  

What are they thinking? Haven’t they seen what has happened to their predecessors? They seem to have trouble finding remunerative jobs that don’t involve French fries. Tell the truth, if you had a warehouse that you needed organized, would you hire someone from the Trump cabinet to do it? You could come back an hour later and everything would be missing. “Oh, organize! I thought you said, “Get rid of it, boss.”

It says here in your resume’ that you worked for RFK Jr. “Yes, that’s correct.” Next! The entire regime has taken on the appearance of ad hoc. Winging it! And playing it by ear. Rubber bands and bubble gum. Because of you know who. And who is willing to bend over in the name of Trump truth. Poisoning the well of future employment for them all.

Mr. Trump won’t go to jail. He’ll go to the Mitch McConnell Memorial Hospital or he’ll leave tits up. That scares me because they will try to make a martyr out of him. Despite his being the most unpopular President in American history. Death tends to soften those rough edges and pastel over the background colors of the past. And it would be a fitting tribute to Donald Trump if they used his demise for just one more cash grab scam, just for old time’ sake. Donald would have wanted it that way.

Are you ready for the Donald Trump dollar coin? The Canadians have the Looney coin now we will have the Goofy coin. Brother, can you spare a Goofy? This is a bad idea personified. Vending machine companies like the idea of a dollar coin. They are all alone in that appreciation. This is 2026, not 1958, going through Grandma’s coin purse. Americans don’t carry around pockets full of change anymore.

But as they like to say on late-night TV. Order now, this offer won’t last any longer than the Susan B. Anthonys did. Someday the Trump coins might worth a lot of money. Mr. Trump says they are worth a dollar, but he lies all the time, so who knows?

“A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.”
― Groucho Marx