This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

A zombie senator, a rotating cadre of cabinet secretary whack-a-moles. Go take one for the team! Go make the rounds of the talk nonsense circuit. An invisible man as Secretary of State. “Marco, we’re going to be working late here. Run down to the corner and pick us up some sandwiches.” He doesn’t negotiate in Iran. That’s Abbott and Costello’s job, Turner & Hooch. The bagmen. Mr. Trump’s special friends. Who handle all his $pecial negotiations.

Leaving the invisible man with holding the door open opportunities and making sure of the condiments in the kitchen are full. Don’t get me wrong. I‘d love to have that high-profile, good-paying do nothing job. Hang out in my office, if I don’t opt for a personal day or executive time. Maybe I’ll take the office jet over to Nashville to see my girlfriend! If I come in at all today. I’ll be available for photo ops and press conferences. It is better to remain silent and be thought a political hack than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. Do nothing and live!

The Donald J. Trump Memorial Deflecting Pool belongs to the Department of the Interior. Anybody see that guy around anywhere? “I’m here as your Secretary of the Interior to explain…” Nope! This is Mr. Trump’s baby. The man technically in charge of the project has nothing to do with it. You just sit at your desk and look pretty. Don’t make waves; you don’t want to know anyway. You’ll thank me later. Ronnie Ray Gun was good at this. Put some doofus in the department “in charge” while the agency was actually being run by industry insiders and lobbyists.

Mr. Trump’s two favorite sock puppets are Yosemite Pete Hegseth and Mr. Pompous-answer Scott Bessent. He’s the non-answer machine. Ask him anything and he won’t tell you. He’ll talk for three full minutes without any profit coming from it. Push him too hard and Scotty switches to snotty, from pompous to outrage mode. How dare you impugn my integrity! You’re not wrong; only, how dare you!

Have you noticed? Someone’s star doesn’t shine as bright as it used to since taking maternity leave. Before, she was the center of attention in the center ring, being snotty and rebuking the reporters or calling on people only to insult them. Kara Lying Leavitt was the darling in the center ring, but ever since the estrogen massacre. When the women were all frogged marched out of the building. Kara Lying escaped the testosterone coup but returns to find her role is now minimized. Remember! Out of sight, out of mind. With  Mr. Trump’s mind, if you’re gone three weeks, he doesn’t know you anymore. What was your name again? I’ll introduce you.

The circle shrinks as the pressure rises. You can’t trust anyone with a secret around here, you know? Definitely not Yosemite Pete. Mitch McConnell, maybe. They’re trying to control the leaks. Every time the administration does something stupid. Some buttinsky reporter is waiting right there trying to make a big deal out of a few million dollars squandered. Take the case of the invisible, terrorist gremlins destroying our sacred deflecting pool is falling apart, faster than the deflecting pool fell apart. It seems, despite being ordered by the court to preserve the evidence. Mr. Trump opted instead to begin Deflecting pool repairs immediately, thus destroying all evidence of the crime. Meaning the imaginary terrorist gremlins will probably get away Scott-free. Another example of our swinging cell door justice system. They’re all going to walk, despite Mr. Trump having already declared them guilty before trial.

Whatever happened to the “embedded” reporter? I’ve seen more Mathew Brady photos of the American Civil War than of our current Iranian quagmire. “I’m Joe Slobodnic and I’m reporting from 1,200 miles away from the front line.” Or they show you the brief flash of an explosion. It might have been the Eiffel Tower or, then again, it might have been your mother’s house. “Could you slow that nine- second video clip down and show it again?” Trust us! If anything important happens, we’ll tell you!

Now, here is a question for higher minds. Did the Trump regime relent to the Saudi demands? Or did the Trump regime freely offer a nuclear program to keep the Saudis in the fold? The difference may seem slight, but it’s important to know just how craven and sniveling this administration actually is. The proposed deal offers to allow the Saudis to enrich uranium. You know, the same thing we’re currently bombing Iran for doing.

With the exception of the United States, Russia and China, every other nuclear power has begun their atomic programs for “peaceful” purposes only. Everyone, without exception, has built a bomb, but trust us! See this little piece of paper? They signed it! They did! They promise, it won’t happen here! No, not like last time! That piece of paper is like iron! Did you get international monitoring or cameras? What for? We’ve got the paper, baby! “Inspections?” The paper!

That’s what they call in the porn industry, the money shot. The deal is in the enrichment. Without the capability to enrich uranium the Saudi nuclear deal is like tits on a boar hog. Saudi Arabia has enough energy now to last over one hundred years. Those reactors will be shut down, deactivated, and entombed in lead before they will ever be needed to provide “energy.” Saudi Arabia has a huge desert and huge solar potential. The cost of solar energy declines while nuclear rises. N’est-ce pas?

There is only one reason on this god-forsaken mudball the Saudis want nuclear energy. And with  a murderous thug on their throne too! Relax; chances are it will never happen. Between zombie senators and congressional clown shutdowns, it’ll never happen. But let’s see if they fight for it. Or if they just throw it out there to the wolves and let the Democrats speechify on the crazy Trump proposal. As the Saudis go, so goes the alliance. The Saudis are Trump’s silent partners in this war. They want to be paid for all their trouble and grief, that Mr. Trump has caused them.

Sometimes when you deal with the devil, the devil calls the tune. The Saudis could make a deal with Iran this afternoon. When you owe the bank money, the bank owns you! When you owe your friends favors.

“Why sure, I think you’re a great guy. You only execute people in the street one day a week! That’s fair! Six days a week it could Europe. You haven’t killed any more New York Times reporters in years. It’s not that we don’t trust you with a nuclear enrichment capability. It’s just there are forms and protocols and papers that need to be signed. It says here you mustn’t ever buy any non-American  nuclear enrichment hardware. And it says you double-dog promise not to build any nuclear weapons with these nuclear weapons making tools we’re providing to you.

Look folks! Mr. Trump has struck a deal!

“We, the German Führer and Chancellor, and the British Prime Minister, have had a further meeting today and are agreed in recognizing that the question of Anglo-German relations is of the first importance for our two countries and for Europe.
We regard the agreement signed last night and the Anglo-German Naval Agreement as symbolic of the desire of our two peoples never to go to war with one another again. We are resolved that the method of consultation shall be the method adopted to deal with any other questions that may concern our two countries, and we are determined to continue our efforts to remove possible sources of difference, and thus to contribute to assure the peace of Europe.”– Neville Chamberlain

“An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.” – Winston Churchill