This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

Wow, I bet you can’t guess who I’m talking about? That’s right, it could be Mitch McConnell’s attending physicians for telling this week’s big, big lie. A new photo has emerged of Mitch and his lovely wife. Why does she always have to be in the picture? I don’t know. I guess to show everything’s friendly and on the up and up. Proof, he’s not being held against his will.

As if the photo wasn’t sketchy enough, an accompanying note by the doctors was maybe too much. Mitch is doing much better and will be back to fighting his weight in wildcats any day now. They made it sound like fat camp or summer school. Mitch has stability issues from childhood polo. Instability issues can also be caused by a lack of consciousness. A photo as Mitch was taken from his house showed Mitch being carried out on a gurney, unconscious without being administered any oxygen. Odd, isn’t it? Why wouldn’t you give an elderly, unconscious man oxygen? Maybe…he didn’t need it.

Maybe Mitch will come roaring back and learn country line dancing and the French horn. Mitch’s doctors said Mitch is doing real good. Signed, unnamed attending doctor type guys. “Oh, hell no! I’m not signing that!” It’s that nervousness to sign one’s given name on the dotted line that defeats the charade. “I ain’t signing nothing! I’m not losing my license!” If Mitch is dead, it is a criminal charge of fraud and abuse of a corpse. If he’s not dead, produce him. Produce a video of him holding up today’s New York Times. It’s hard to believe, and not since Patty Hearst has a celebrity been held in such complete incommunicado. It’s beyond comedic and downright Soviet. Comrade McConnell is feeling much better and has renounced his previous views!

But here in the stumble before the fall, comrade McConnell is a pale, fantastic, second-rate story. Barely worth mentioning. Barely a ripple in the deflecting pool. Mr. Trump insists Iran is begging him to stop bombing and begging him to make a peace deal. Just for continuity’s sake, Mr. Trump has been saying this same thing for five months now, and as of yet, there is no corroborating evidence to this theory of “begging him for a peace deal.”

After twelve days of the administration wasting incredible amounts of expensive armaments. Mr. Trump pauses and brings out his bag of tricks and illnesses. Mr. Trump bovates with his favorite chatter. “They’re begging me for a peace deal! I’ve got ’em ready to kiss my ass!” Then the Iranian missiles were launched towards a US base in Jordan. Funny thing, it wasn’t a major attack, just half a dozen missiles easily knocked down.

The Iranian plan seems simple enough. How do you get a dog to stop barking? Every time Mr. Trump begins to brag or boviate about the Iranians begging him for a deal. They will seek to publicly embarrass him. Don’t make Mr. Trump mad, or he’ll double down a dozen times. Until finally, bouncing the rubble just doesn’t seem to work anymore. The Gordian-Tump knot.

Bombs and rockets are expendable and expensive. The warehouse is almost empty. Countries like Taiwan and South Korea are getting nervous. How can the Untied Snakes protect us if they use all of their best whiz bangs in Iran? Mr. Trump cannot defeat Iran with bombs and rockets alone. It will require (drum roll please) ground troops. But that’s both politically impossible and suicidal politically. Gee, how are you going to untie this knot, Mr. Wizard?

Strange; I’ve read two stories this week suggesting this might be the cusp of World War III and only one story suggesting Pete Hegseth should be fired. Good thing the media’s fixed, huh? Or a free media would be chewing Pete’s butt off. Big storms over Topeka! New! Foldable I-phones! And Muffy the kitten was found safe and sound, asleep in the backseat of the car!

It’s the Trump knot now. No way back and no palatable way forward. Eighteen dead, an untold number wounded, with billions out of pocket and five months later, we’re right back at square one. I guess maybe there was something to what all those Iran policy experts were saying before the administration fired them. Yep, they fired everyone who advised against it, and now this. They not only did it, they were warned beforehand of what could possibly happen, and did it anyway.

I guess one thought which keeps me up nights is what if Trump really believes what he’s saying himself. If he really believes the Iranians are begging to quit but just haven’t picked up the phone yet. “Any minute now, Petey, that phone is going to ring! And an Iranian voice on the line is going to say, “Oh, please Mr. Trump. Please stop! We give. Uncle. You are too great and powerful for us, Mr. Trump. Have mercy!”

Did you see what we did last night? We’re going to do that every night until the warehouse is empty and we’re broke as a country preacher.” Rather than changing tactics, just do it again. Same as last night. And don’t forget we still have war crimes in our pocket. Mr. Trump promises all of your bridges. Gone! And your power plants too! One hour! I’ll huff and I’ll bluff and I’ll do it again and again. “They’re begging me for a deal.”

If they’re begging you for a deal, why ain’t you made one yet? I mean, begging implies they’re willing to bend a knee and kiss the ring. What’s the hold up, Macduff? Obviously, you and I see it as only pointless posturing. But what if Trump really believes it? The only strategy is to do it again. If that doesn’t work…do it again.

All of those who had Trump destroys the world economy and starts World War III on your bingo card raise your hands. This isn’t about what Obama did or about what Joe Biden did. This is about what Donald Trump did. The exact opposite of American foreign Republican and Democrat policy for nearly half a century. A fitting and predictable end when told not to stick your finger in the fan.

“I do not like an injurious lie, except when it injures somebody else.”
― Mark Twain,