This Carbon Based Life

File photo: Anthony Fauci Courtesy of the RNC

By David Glenn Cox

It is indeed a rare privilege, and a spectacle straight out of Hollyweed land. Part “Inherit the Wind” And part Roland Frieisler courtroom scene. “Bring in the victim, er, the defendant.” A Republican Congressional hearing on the important issues of the day facing everyday Americans. Higher fuel prices? Inflation? The War in Iran? Epstein? Not even close!

This is a rare privilege to see the contorted and controlled bubbling media feverishly covering this non-event. A story pulled straight out of the vacuous atmospheres of their nether regions. Think: Salem Witch Trials meets “Today’s Republican Party!” No, let’s not talk about Epstein or Todd Blanche. Let’s not talk about the expanding war or its growing financial obligations. Let’s talk about Anthony Fauci. That’s topical. Don’t you think? The backlog of booking a room on Capitol Hill must be terrible. Six years?

In many Republican and mentally deficient circles, Dr. Fauci is seen and often portrayed as an evil, evil person. In the same category as history’s worst mass killers. Dr. Fauci is just like Hitler, only no one can name one person he’s harmed or one nation he’s anschlussed. The charges and accusations fly like bats at dusk, but not one single, credible charge has ever escaped from the cave. Mr. Trump thought highly of him and defended him until it became uncool to do so. A quiet little bureaucrat, working in a quiet little office, for years and years was suddenly thrust into the national limelight. “Isn’t it true that you were flattered by all of the media attention?”

Being a doctor, Fauci quickly checked the temperature of the room. Never has the Fifth Amendment been used more appropriately. The purpose of this star chamber tribunal was getting to the bottom of ripping up Dr. Fauci with a bunch of unsubstantiated accusations and conspiracy theories. Dr. Fauci fortunately brought his attorney with him. You don’t see the attorney much in the news mush because the Republican Senators threw Dr. Fauci’s attorney out to the room. (God bless America!) The nerve! Who the hell does that guy think he is? To come in here to these proceedings, interrupt my interrogation by spouting off about his clients rights! And he claims he speaks for the accused! Get him out! Get him out of here! You and your kind make me sick!

Fauci answered every question with, “On the advice of counsel, I respectfully plead the Fifth Amendment.” The Republicans didn’t like that answer one bit. Dr. Fauci was going to mess up all of their best sound bites! Lights! Camera! Action! If Dr. Fauci had so much as burped, he would have been crushed. Burp what? Dr. Fauci! Would you like to explain that burb to the American taxpayer? Isn’t it true that you kept a diary, Dr. Fauci? Isn’t it also true that you were pretty proud of yourself? You were dining with kings and even with CNN’s own Jake Tapper! Mighty proud, indeed!

A stage play. A drama for the weak-minded. They accuse Dr. Fauci of everything and charge him with nothing. Remember now, this is a universe that routinely charges the blameless with committing all sorts of heinous crimes. If they had something, anything at all, mortgage fraud, smoking in the boy’s room in ninth grade. They would have brought it.

The Republicans were punished by their own positions. The red-o-sphere was torn like the deflecting pool bottom over Covid-19. On the one hand, it was a deadly weapons-grade virus, personally overseen and manufactured in a Chinese lab by Dr. Fauci in a sinister plan to depopulate the planet Earth.

On the other hand, it was a harmless flu virus. Shake it off and go to work, you lazy bum. People need their hamburgers! Are you going to let them down because of a simple flu virus and a fever of a hundred and three or four? There were two schools of thought about Covid-19 within the Republican Party. One side sought to downplay the virus so as not to hurt the overall hamburger sales. The other school thought the best way to cover up its own deficiencies was to weaponize the virus. Blame the virus on someone or something. You’re not just sick. Someone did it to you on purpose! “It Came From The Laboratory! (1958) Starring Peter Graves, Key Luke and Annette Funicello. A deadly virus is manufactured by an evil scientist in a Chinese laboratory in a plot to take over the whole world! 96 minutes, b/w. “

“Let’s all go to the lobby! Let’s all go to the lobby! Let’s all go to the lobby and get ourselves a treat!”

This hearing wasn’t unplanned! They all put their skulls together, and this fraud is what they came up with. They held planning meetings, discussed details, and booked a room. Each Senator practiced their accusatory questions and contemptuous sneers. This was the idea they thought would work best! The Republicans thought this hearing would win them back votes in November. The one issue most pressing today on the American public is Anthony Fauci and Covid-19. “Look what he did, everyone! You remember, don’t you? In 2020? Six years ago?”

Never mind the Iran quagmire, inflation, or soaring fuel prices. “Look what Dr. Fauci did six years ago!” Do you think this strategy will work in 2026? Sure it will! Dr. Fauci is another straw man like Nancy Pelosi or Barack Obama. All evil can be attributed to them. Remember? Pizza parlors and basement cannibal buffet rituals?

Outside of the comedy of seeing these faux-outraged Republicans doing their best Jimmy Stewart for the camera. “My bill would eliminate the boy’s camp entirely and allocate ten billion dollars for a toxic waste dump on the site.” How desperate are the Republicans looking for villains under the covers? Boogity boogities! Space Aliens from Zummar! Communists in the State Department everybody! Thousands of them! (Have you left no sense of decency?)

Roll over Joe McCarthy! A new dog is taking over. If Orwell weren’t dead already, this would kill him.

“The difference between nonfiction and fiction is that fiction must be absolutely believable. ― Mark Twain