This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

Hey Kids! There’s a great new game in town that anyone can play! It’s Free! Everybody likes free stuff! Win prizes, impress your friends! Play…Name that Rug! What will Donald call his new hairpiece? Little Donald? Mr. Fuzzy? Mr. Fluffy? Arthur?

What would you name his tip-top toupee? [enter now!] The very best hairpiece Temu offered. Maybe it will look better after it’s been washed a few times because it still looks new. It still has that “new” wig shine.

The international interdenominational society of leakers has said, among other juicy tid-bits. It was a real gunfight at the OK Corral at Camp David last weekend. Trump doesn’t like Camp David. It’s too rustic. You can’t just spray-paint the moose head gold and call it civilized. So this must have been an interesting, special meeting to so want to hide it in plain sight.

Apparently, Mr. Trump was advised that after five months of unrelenting, round-the-clock air attack. He was shocked to find this out. “How could that happen? How could $20 billion dollars in hi-tech weaponry just disappear like that? It’s as simple as “shock & awe.”  The American battle plan is the decapitation strike, and suppressing air defenses and the bad guys surrender in a few days. This dogma was never intended to be repeated day after day after day, for month after month.

Low T Pete Hegseth had come to this meeting prepared with a plan. It was all his subordinates’ fault! That’s right! Captain Merica threw his underling under the bus. “I cannot tell a lie…it was all his fault! I hate to have to serve him up to you like a pig at a luau, but a man’s gotta do what he’s gotta do. Mr. Trump suggested unemployment as the best corrective action. But Low T Pete assured Mr. Trump the deputy was sorry and had learned his lesson and had promised to never let it happen again.

They squandered the arsenal by not understanding how to use it. You know, when brain power fails, you just get a bigger hammer! If at first you don’t succeed, try, try, try again until it’s obvious you’re barking up the wrong tree. But as expected, Mr. Trump spins like a weathercock on a barn roof in a windstorm. “We have plenty of weapons, and anyone who says we don’t is guilty of treason! It’s not true! It’s a lie, it’s fake news! “Methinks he doth protest too much.”

We still have plenty of dumb bombs. And bombers, but that’s dangerous. We still have MQ7-R2 barrel stays with nails sticking out of the end. We have plenty of weapons. It’s a lot like Halloween candy; after the first couple of days all the good stuff disappears and you’re down to Hersey’s Kisses and Bazooka Joe bubble gum.

This is a good object lesson for our young people to learn. See here, kids, “Smart” is figuring out a good plan “before” you deplete the warehouse of twenty billion dollars of weapons. Maybe even take a minute or two to come up with a Plan B instead of just rinse and repeat. “Insanity” is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. What do generals know anyway? Let’s put a squad leader with a history of alcohol abuse and false bravado in charge! He has ideas! Crazy ideas! And when the going gets tough, the tough blame their subordinates. “Bad you! Why did you listen to me?”

You can feel it, can’t you? It’s all coming to a head, isn’t it? The roof is starting to fall in. Todd Blanche is confirmed as Attorney General, but it feels more like a defeat. His credibility is less than zero and the only reason the Senate confirmed Todd was Trump was threatening worse. “Fine then, maybe we just won’t have an Attorney General!” But when I say that, you can feel it. It’s a culmination, and you had to know it would come down to this, eventually. The rats are feeling cornered and are beginning to point fingers at each other. It’s a sign of the end days. Jeanine Pirro blames the Interior Department because what else could she do? Blame Trump? Low T Pete blames his subordinate for the war going so badly. “Honestly, sir, if I had known he was using up all the ammo, I would have stopped him.” And Mr. Trump, despite reams of mounting evidence to the contrary, still insists it was vandals.

The appeals court has ruled “Nine!” on the Fuehrer’s grand ballroom and fallout boy shelter. What shall we call it? The Donald J. Trump memorial hole in the ground! A fitting memorial, if ever there was one. As in, he doesn’t know his ass from. The winds of Washington are swirling. Republican representative and Trump lackey and election denier Andy Ogles LOST a Republican primary in Tennessee. I haven’t checked, but I wonder if a Republican incumbent has ever lost before in Tennessee?

When blood-red Tennessee throws out a Republican incumbent and Trump suck buddy, something’s happening. I know; it always seems like that. I wake up every morning and check the internet, first thing. Nope, he’s still here! Never has an Attorney General been approved more deserving of impeachment. See? He’s done. Before he’s even started, he’s done. Trump’s stubbornness on full display. He’ll take a fatally damaged Attorney General because it’s what “he” wants. Fuck the administration! Fuck accomplishing anything. Screw that! The king wants!

Donald Trump fights with Republicans these days and Canadians. Calling them “Nasty” Canadians not Congressional Republicans (also nasty) who understand Mr. Trump has turned the midterm election  into a death sentence for Republicans. Even before the war it looked bad but the war is the clincher. The voters like conservative values a lot, until they conflict with $5.00 a gallon gasoline.

Mr. Trump has his pants caught on the Iranian fence with no way to get them off. The economy is predictably going the wrong way. The courts are striking down Trump’s agenda with ever increasing speed. Mr. Trump is losing faith in his handpicked idiots. Mr. Trump said, “Jeanine Pirro folded up like an umbrella.” One can only imagine what Mr. Trump said about Low T Pete!   

Mr. Hegseth was a leading proponent of war with Iran who insisted victory would be quick and certain, who now struggles to refocus the failings on his deputy. But who hired that deputy? Fire that guy!

“If you can keep your head when all about you   

    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,   

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

    But make allowance for their doubting too;   

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

    Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,

    And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;   

    If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;   

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

    And treat those two impostors just the same;   

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken

    Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

    And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:”  – By Rudyard Kipling

Then you definitely don’t work in Trump administration.