This Carbon Based Life

David Glenn Cox

And if I climb the highest mountain when I reach the summit. I could look around and see the destruction and wreckage in every direction. It means there is only one thing left for Republicans to do. Change the subject. Let’s talk about the economy! No, better not. Let’s talk about Donald Trump and his stupid war. No, we’d better let that one pass by as well. Well, what then? What can we talk about to change the subject? Isn’t it obvious? Of course, Covid -19!

What we need is a victim, er, a witness. Someone to interrogate with leading questions and bold, unsubstantiated assertions. It’s time to make America understand! Their problems aren’t caused by Donald Trump’s insanity, his war or his corruption. The real problem isn’t inflation, high fuel prices, or gun violence. The real problem is caused by a man who retired five years ago. Everything would have been just rosy, if it wasn’t for him.

The name Dr. Anthony Fauci will ring throughout all of history. Do you know what he did? He led the US health department while a worldwide pandemic broke out. Do you know what that means? Put on your thinking cap. Dr. Fauci was in charge when a pandemic emerged in China. Ergo, this must be all his fault. He did this! Pandemics don’t just happen you know. Okay, maybe they do, but not this one. This one was all Fauci’s fault. Do you have any proof? We’re Republicans; we don’t need any actual proof! We have Fox News!

So the Republican senators of this fine land of ours got together for a nice meeting. Our polling numbers look like shit! Donald Trump’s polling numbers are even worse. There’s only one thing left to do: subpoena Dr. Fauci. We’re going to have us a little hearing. Put some charcoal brickettes in the barbeque, Jethro. America needs to see which political party really has their backs. Which party has its finger on the pulse of the nation.

There aren’t any new breakthroughs in Covid-19. No new information to cover on Covid. Turn your Way back machines back to the year 2020. Remember? Ivermectin and light bulbs up your butt? That Fauci, do you know what he did? He recommended we shut down the economy until the worst of the pandemic had passed. Do you know what that cost! Millions and millions of dollars in hamburger sales were lost by our rich Republican donors. Sure, maybe it saved a few hundred thousand lives. But the bread was going stale in hamburger joints all across America! Oh, the humanity! Our profit margin was ruined!

So they prepared the lion’s den and called Dr. Fauci in for a game of kill the guy with the ball. But a man as cunning and evil as Dr. Fauci had a plan to short-circuit their little barbecue. “On the advice of counsel, I now respectfully invoke my Fifth Amendment right.” The nerve! Where does that little SOB get off invoking his constitutional rights! Hiding behind the law, eh? He won’t answer any of our leading and absurd questions! How then can we pontificate then, and rail against this criminal giant of our time? I’ve got it! We’ll charge him with contempt! for taking the fifth! How dare he hide behind his constitutional rights during our made-up dog and pony show!

It was a perfect example of why we have a Fifth Amendment in the first place. The plan was to interrogate Fauci for the cameras. “Isn’t it true? Didn’t you once say? Isn’t it a fact, Dr. Fauci, you created Covid-19 in your own kitchen sink?” Where were you on November 22, 1963? “Oh, it says here in your personal diary that we somehow got a hold of that you enjoyed the press attention. “You bastard!”

There are no legal charges pending against Dr. Fauci. But you wouldn’t ever know that from the news coverage. This was a Reich wing Blue Chip Star chamber. Its purpose wasn’t to discover the facts but to reinvent them. To make Republicans look tough and probing while ignoring the Republican-caused problems of the day all around them. Never mind the war, the economy or Donald Trump’s decomposing rituals and crazy new muskrat hat. This is the Republican stunt and thrill show! Make it a big deal! Puff it up good on all the propaganda channels. Our Fox News headlines; this is a big deal! So if you go through your television channel inventory, you’ll find Dr. Fauci’s big news on Fox. Big news on all the Republican news channels and invisible on all of the rest. He did this! This is all his fault! Reflecting pool? What reflecting pool?

Mr. Trump is going to give Iran until the count of three to surrender. One, one and a half. Two, two and a half. Two and nine-sixteenths. Two and three quarters. Two and fifteen-sixteenths! Give up yet?

May 13, 2019, Washington Roast. “You should just show up, plead the fifth and it’s all over with” said, Senator Lindsey Graham to the witness Donald Trump Jr.” Eric Trump was questioned and took the Fifth Amendment 500 times in a 2020 deposition. Donald Trump senior (Way senior) took the fifth 400 times. See the fair and balanced, yet? Were they charged with contempt? Don’t be silly. They rightfully stuck to their constitutional rights, not like that little worm Fauci!

How bad is bad? How black is black? The Disassociated Press has Democratic Senator Jon Ossoff leading by 9 points in Georgia. Arizona Governor, Democrat Katie Hobbs, is leading by 9 points. Inside Texas politics says, Democrat James Talarico is ahead of Ken Paxton. In scummy Floriduh, Democrat David Jolly leads Republican Byron Donalds 46% to 40 in the governor’s race.

Let’s review: Arizona, Texas, Georgia, and Floriduh. Say it with me! “But that’s Trump country!”  Our favorite propaganda of the day. Comes from WESH 2 “Florida Republicans have more than 1.5 million more registered voters than Florida Democrats.” Last time I checked, the election went to the number who actually cast ballots. But the propaganda message was clear. Even though the Democrat is way ahead, there’s no reason to worry. Fair and unbalanced. From the same article, Republicans have a 54% chance of maintaining control of the Senate. See? It’s not so bad. It’s not so black, Six months ago, the Republicans had a 100% chance of controlling the Senate.

“I have nothing but respect for you — and not much of that.”
― Groucho Marx