This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

We have this little pipsqueak Congress critter here in Arizona. You never hear his name in the news for introducing legislation. He campaigns almost non-stop year-round. Then, out of the blue (pun intended) a TV ad will pop up for Juan Ciscomani. A reactionary Republican, so far up Donald Trump’s butt, Trump has to fart in the morning to wake him up. Juan votes with Donald Trump 100% of the time. All he needs is a wooden handle, a rubber face and an ink stamp pad.

But it’s one of those early, easily missed little indicators. Juan is advertising himself this time around as “Bipartisan.” He votes with the President 100% of the time but wants us to believe he’s bipartisan. It’s suddenly not hip or groovy to be attached at Trump’s hip anymore.

Tucker Fucker Carlson ambles down that long lonesome Bill O’Reilly trail. Former OX News hosts meandering towards obscurity after losing the “big” OX News job. Mistaking celebrity for relative importance, Trucker interviews Vladimir Putin because he needs to stay relevant and keep his name in the media conversation. Besides, that’s what useful idiots do. Do you suppose there was a line forming of American journalists waiting to interview Putin? Nope, they all want a future!

But Tucker fucker made an ominous statement the other day, mainly, just trying to look relevant and sound intelligent. The United States will either become a right wing authoritarian state or there will be a revolution. He’s a little late to the fascist party, don’t think? Maybe he could modify his remark, to The United States will continue down the road of Reich wing authoritarianism or there will be a revolution. It’s unknown exactly which road Mr. Carlson favors. Say something outrageous quick, before you disappear entirely! It’s the old broken clock rule. If you have an old broken clock, it’s probably not worth a shit.

Whenever someone mentions a second American Revolution. I always ask the same question. “Who do we shoot first?” Throw tea into Boston Harbor, maybe? Picket lines outside the River Rouge Ford plant? It was a remark designed to get the rednecks excited to get their guns and pay attention to Tucker for another five minutes. But the message has changed. The message is no longer about Donald Trump. The new message is: What do they do now, after Trump? Donald Trump is already in their rearview mirror. What Tucker is actually asking is for More Trump or revolution. “Give me Fascism or give me death!”

I was curious when Jeff Bezos produced his biopic about Malaria Trump. A subject as dull and empty as an Alabama library. I understood that it was a bribe, but why bribe Malaria? Why wasn’t the film about Cankles McBrainfreeze? Why about the wife and not about the kingpin? I thought to myself maybe Cankles was just trying to be nice to her. No, not Cankles. There had to be some other reason. Then, with the public arrival and acceptance of Natalie Harp, the reason became clear. The film was Malaria’s severance package. Here’s your last check, your services are no longer required. Pack your shit and be out by five o’clock. And take what’s his name, your anchor baby with you! Daddy’s got a new girlfriend now. He’s traded in a 53 for a 35. But what did Donald Trump get out of this crooked deal? Donald got rid of Malaria, thanks Jeff!

Somehow the Christian conservatives and Bible-spouting lovers of Christ have no particular feelings either way about a man publicly humiliating his lawful wife and nine foot tall boy child.  

Jerimiah 13:27 your adulteries and lustful neighings, your shameless prostitution! I have seen your detestable acts on the hills and in the fields. Woe to you, Jerusalem! How long will you be unclean?”

Duh, what? That’s why Jesus will never return. They would crucify him immediately on the White House lawn and charge admission or put it up on pay-per-view.

Bill Clinton had an affair in the White House, and it was headlines for months and months. Donald Trump has an affair in the White House and it’s barely mentioned. A week later, it’s forgotten entirely. Yeah, so what?

Donald Trump announces that this time Iran is really going to get it! Six months ago, he promised the same thing. Three months ago he promised the same thing. It is a complete Orwellian nonsense statement. Each attack is twice as devastating as the attack before, until it is an attack squared or cubed. The story is already out. Peckerhead Pete has already fired off all the missiles and gutted the Pentagon. As Trump blusters that this time will be even worse! Fooling no one, let alone the Iranians.

But the Iranians complain the US is now attacking civilian targets. Would the US under Donald Trump and Peckerhead Hegseth do such a dastardly thing and commit war crimes? Obviously, yes; they would. Meanwhile, at the G20 meeting in North Carolina, snotty Scotty Bessent got his hair dyed special just for the occasion. Scotty, in true Trumpian fashion, declined to give press credentials to The New York Times and Bloomberg News. Then the funniest thing happened. Mr. Bessent gave his speech at the G20, but no press outlets were available or interested in covering it. And he got his hair all done up for nothing!

It is almost perfect. The Treasury will mint a one-dollar coin with Donald Trump’s scowling face on it. What a great idea! Why didn’t someone think of it before? The one-dollar coin sells for $1.50. It’s a Trump coin, what did you expect? A deal? A dollar? It is one of the direct advantages of marketing to morons. A roll of fifty coins is $61.00 and a bag of a hundred coins is $154.50. Now ask yourself, who or why someone would buy a bag of one hundred Trump coins?

These things are required like hell needs a city limit marker to differentiate the real estate. Less than two years in, and it’s all falling apart. Secretary of the Army Dan Driscoll resigns and tells Trump that Hegseth has fired 20% of the Pentagon brain trust. And Trump reportedly answered, “Really?”

“The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in times of great moral crisis, maintain their neutrality.” ― Dante Alighieri, The Inferno