This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

The other day, US Central Command said the Iranians had fired two missiles at two US Navy vessels, unprovoked. Are you kidding me? I can think of a lot of words one might use, but unprovoked isn’t one of them. After all, we are at war with Iran. After the United States had attacked Iran, unprovoked. After the US has spent six months and used up almost its entire arsenal of high-tech weapons systematically bombing Iran. US Centcom complains Iran had attacked them unprovoked.

It’s all a part of the propaganda drip. When we do something, it’s noble and judicious, and when the Iranians do the exact same thing, its dastardly and unprovoked. Why are they shooting missiles at us for? What did we ever do? This is the real genius of the US strategy. To teach the dirty Iranians a lesson after their unprovoked attack. US Central Command commits acts of piracy on the high seas by attacking three unarmed Iranian oil tankers. Where in the Bluejackets manual does it allow for attacking unarmed merchant vessels?

Take three guesses how the Iranians responded? They attacked six unarmed vessels. Three tankers and three support ships. Genius! Pure genius! Oil prices are creeping up towards a hundred dollars a barrel. Can we make it two hundred? The Gulf is in flames with the wreckage of six burning oil tankers. We sure taught them a lesson! They’ll think twice before messing with us again, unprovoked.

President McBrainfreeze says he has $500 million dollars in his crime PAC to help elect Republicans. Elon Muskrat says he has another hundred million to elect Republicans. Bring it on, boys! You’re going to need every nickel. An insanely unpopular war, soaring fuel prices. A trade war with damn near every country on the planet, and a president obsessed with building monuments to himself and to his glory. Sure, throw a few more TV ads at them, that’ll fix it! Plus, let me tell you what a lie looks like. The election is in the first week of November. TV stations don’t sell advertising time like the request line. Ad campaigns take time.

The candidates have to first make the ads, and that costs money. If Cankles McBrainfreeze is going to aid Republicans. He’s late! That money should already have been spent. President McBrainfreeze is already the most unpopular president since Richard Nixon resigned from office. TV ads, sure, that’ll fix it! It’s been said so many times before it has become a truism. “It’s the economy, Stupid!”

If they think they can overcome five dollar a gallon gasoline and six dollars a gallon diesel fuel. Jesus Christ, they are stupid. This country runs on diesel fuel. The trucks and the trains roll on diesel, and what is happening to jet fuel is no different. By election day in November, analysts predict that two or possibly three airlines will shut down and declare bankruptcy. Air travel will become a sign of vast wealth. As the working proletariat will no longer be able to afford to fly or drive.

Sixty days until doom. It’s almost as if Cankles McBrainfreeze has a death wish. After alienating the Rust belt McBrainfreeze goes out of his way to alienate farmers and ranchers. Under his genius tutelage, McBrainfreeze tells ranchers they can butcher their own cattle and save! All they need to do is build a facility and hire a few trained workers! It’s clearly a plan devised by those who have never actually worked for a living or dressed a deer. How do you clean a house? You call the maid!

If your steel isn’t selling because of high tariffs, you could always build the automobiles yourself! Cattle ranching and beef processing have only one thing in common: beef. Other than that, they are two entirely different industries. They’re just trying to help you, friend. They may be ignorant, silly, and out of touch, but their heart is in the right place, even if their head isn’t. They’re just trying to help you get along after destroying your livelihood. Who wants to buy a real good used eighteen-wheeler? There will soon be a lot of them for sale on the repo lot. Vote Republican!

An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth leaves us blind and toothless. X is the color and none is the number. We can trade oil tanker strikes until there aren’t any stinking oil tankers left. That’ll show them! Now imagine what the rest of the world sees. McBrainfreeze and Pete Headless provoke intervention by third parties, unwilling to allow McBrainfreeze and Headless to destroy the world economy. Surprise, surprise, they won’t be intervening on our behalf. Who’s up for a good old-fashioned world war?

McBrainfreeze and his energy pirate announced a great deal in Venezuela. So great, energy spokesman described it as “Blindsided.” What the President did for the beef industry, he will now attempt in the oil industry. We’re going to use Venezuelan oil to refill the strategic petroleum reserve Mr. Trump just drained. (Now you know why he drained it) Under the crooked deal, the US owns 55% of Venezuela’s oil reserves outright. So the plan is to use your tax dollars to refill the oil reserve. You can smell it too, can’t you? This has got Trump crooked deal written all over it. TeaPot Dome, move over. The end is near!

In order to clear the calendar of those troublesome Epstein victims and questions, Mike Johnson has shut down the House of Representing again. Sent everyone home with pay until after Election Day. It’s funny peculiar, isn’t it? Senator John Fetterman leaked texts showing he doesn’t have much interest in the job anymore. That’s big news from coast to coast in the muttonhead media. But Mike Johnson shuts down one half of the legislative government to cover up Mr. McBrainfreeze’s crimes and there is barely a peep.

Maria Bartiromo is definitely not fired, says her attorney. She just doesn’t work there anymore, and management is satisfied with that arrangement. Yes, now we fight over money. Ox News has a history of being a soft touch, prone to settle quietly even when in the right. It’s worth a try. This is a well-worn trail. Ox News, host gets fired for just cause. Sues and announces their bright future will go on indefinitely, followed by immediately disappearing forever.

“And that — that brings me to the second mode of civil disobedience. There’s a time when the operation of the machine becomes so odious, makes you so sick at heart that you can’t take part! You can’t even passively take part! And you’ve got to put your bodies upon the gears and upon the wheels, upon the levers, upon all the apparatus — and you’ve got to make it stop! And you’ve got to indicate to the people who run it, to the people who own it — that unless you’re free the machine will be prevented from working at all!” – Mario Savio