This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

Studying World War II for the better part of fifty years, I’ve learned a few things. For instance, the Nazis, with their infamous torchlight parades, were done for a reason. They tried teaching this group to march together in unison, but they were hopeless. So, they rescheduled the march from day to night, and gave them all torches, so no one could see how poorly they marched together. Likewise, the Dumpster Dive in Dull us. If you keep the lights off, no one can see all the empty seats.

I was watching Bloomberg TV and there are special rules I have for watching Bloomberg. The first is to always keep the sound muted. Lest your ears be damaged hearing some regurgitated bullshit. They had some financial expert or other, predicting the future with bullet points. Oil prices would fall in the first part of next year. Gee, just like Mr. Trump said. What a coincidence! Everything was going to turn around and be lovely. The futures market was up 200 points based on Brent Crude oil prices falling .35 cents on a forty-gallon barrel.

There was a story about a castaway once, and about how he kept himself sane. First, he would imagine that he saw smoke on the horizon. And then he would begin to fantasize about the ship beneath it. The clean linens and soft beds, sumptuous food and beautiful women on board. Forgetting that it was all just smoke after all. Bloomberg TV wants to draw in viewers, and that is difficult to do on a steady diet of bad news. So if it comes down between telling good news or telling the truth? There’s no future in reality.

Oil prices fell .35 cents on a hundred-dollar barrel of oil. We’re saved! Good news everyone! The analyst listed many of the oil carriers were now going through the Suez Canal as an alternative route. There’s only one slight problem. The Suez Canal can’t handle fully loaded oil tankers. The ships must pass through the canal like Pete Hegseth, half-loaded. More ships, less oil. But good news is good news, even if it’s not true.

Now what’s this got to do with Dumpster Dive in Dull us? They kept the lights off and pushed all the people into specific camera galleries. I watched with the sound off, mostly unwilling to torture all of my senses at once. And I speculated on what a fine hell this would make for those worthy enough. Listening to Bobby the boob (the father of modern childhood epidemics) or listening to Donald Trump prattle on about his own greatness. Give me the original fire and brimstone! I couldn’t stand the modern version. I prefer the Satan with horns and a pitchfork to the orange long-winded one.

The upper galleries of the hall were totally empty. The lower galleries were shoved towards the front, towards the stage. Not one person was seated behind the half-court line. It wasn’t a convention; it was a stage for a manufactured TV program. Behind the speaker’s podium was the packed gallery. Behind Mr. Trump were seated six young women, four blondes and two brunettes. Coincidence? I think not. All the young women appeared to be under thirty. Coincidence? I think not. It is well known that Mr. Trump likes his women young. How do keep a male dominated audience watching behind a boring old man?

You really had to keep your eyes peeled for glimpses of the empty seats behind the clever camera angles. Mr. Trump referred to it in a purely Trumpian fashion. He expounded on the huge crowd inside the hall and how there was another crowd of equal size waiting outside. (not shown, of course) Class? What do we know for certain? When Donald Trump tells you the crowd is huge and your own eyes say otherwise. Mr. Trump is lying as usual. If there were a huge crowd outside…why not let them in! Fill the joint to the rafters if you can!

But this was a stage made to look like a convention with props and signs. Holding up signs in unison. Gosh, I haven’t seen anything like that since the days of Chairman Mao. A stage-managed pep rally in the dark! What will they think of next? The really nice thing about YouTube live streams are they tell you how many are currently watching. Fox News, 909. Associated Press, 2,000. Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

In real political conventions they have delegates speak from the floor. “Mr. Speaker, the great state of Kansas, where cattlemen are suffering greatly casts all 28 of their votes for the next impeached president of the Untied Snakes! Mr. Speaker, the great state of Iowa, where farmers commit suicide at twice the national average, throws all 42 votes for Darth Trump.” But you see, if they pretended the audience was anything but scenery, it would distract from Mr. Trump’s speech time.

In real political conventions the audience erupts when the candidate predicts, “Two cars in every garage!” Or “a chicken in every pot!” In this Punch and Judy show, just a few whoops and a smattering of applause.

Now here in the Untied Snakes of North Korea, propaganda must follow strict prescribed rules. If the reviews and ratings are good for a program, it’s big, big, fucking news! If, however, the reviews are terrible, bury the story and never, ever mention it ever again. Mr. Trump claimed he was a 911 victim. Poof! And the story instantly disappears. The Dumpster Dive in Dull us. Poof disappeared! A brief mention, while also in other news, little Timmy Martin won the annual eighth-grade spelling bee at Our Lady of Perpetual Delusions, Middle School.

But what about the message! How could they raise the spirits of Republicans one more time? How can they express how today’s Republican party can help the professional audience member to thrive? Simple, blame it all on Joe Biden! Did Joe Biden start a war with Iran? Did Joe Biden start a trade war with Canada? Did Joe Biden invade Venezuela? Did Joe Biden open concentration camps?

Now, Donald Trump had promised that he was going to spend ten million dollars in Texas, and he did that! He rented a hall and filled it up with aides and Republican party functionaries and he gave a speech to himself telling you all just how great he really was. Ten million dollars to promote himself. To lead a torchlight parade of uncoordinated marchers. Remembering that last night, was only the first night of this sordid affair, and it had curiosity on its side. Tonight, Mr. Trump will speak again, but don’t get your hopes up. It won’t equal last night.

“If you who own the things people must have could understand
this, you might preserve yourself. If you could separate
causes from results, if you could know Paine, Marx,
Jefferson, Lenin, were results, not causes, you might survive.
But that you cannot know. For the quality of owning freezes
you forever into “I,” and cuts you off forever from the “we.”

-John Steinbeck