This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

I criticize them when they are wrong, which is most of the time. So let me praise them when they are brave. The Trump misadministration sent JD Vance into Iowa to campaign for them. It was brave sending JD into farm country. It was brave sending JD anywhere, but especially into farm country. The pool of appreciative venues is shrinking dramatically. Statistics show that only 12% of all Republican campaign literature even mentions the Trump brigade by name. JD being JD, immediately pandered to the crowd by promising Mr. Trump will sign a bill to make more ethanol fuel from corn. Not a bad idea, considering how Mr. Trump has screwed up the world oil markets.

Say, have you ever thought of joining the FBI, but thought, my convictions for having sex with farm animals could hold me back? No more! Apply today! Did you imagine your former career as a prostitute in the Hough in Cleveland could stymie your career chances as a federal agent? No more! Apply today! When I heard Krash Patel say that convictions for bestiality would no longer disqualify you from working at the FBI. I thought this must be a carve-out for one specific individual. How many applicants does the FBI receive each year with bestiality convictions? Word to the wise, think twice before shaking hands with an FBI agent. Only in the Trump regime. They only hire the best and the blighted.

Houston, we have officially reached the bottom of the barrel. Mr. Trump withdrew the nomination of Lance Schroyer to be the new director of ICE. Literally no one qualified for the job wanted to hold the job, or even wanted to apply for it. See: “I would never join a club that would have me as a member.” Mr. Schroyer’s record as a former Oklahoma state trooper is clean with no convictions for pandering or hanging out in petting zoos for immoral purposes. The man had zero management experience. Lance could write you up a fine speeding ticket and wave a mean flashlight, but had zero management experience. Not even as an assistant shift manager at Denny’s.

I’ve heard tell that business is sooo good these days, Walmart is quietly letting people go. Maybe one of them could become our new ICE director? The largest employer in the country is laying off workers, but that’s not news? Not in Trump land. Only good news, Winston. Big Brother is raising the chocolate ration! Mr. Trump has forged an agreement with Greenland, promising to leave them alone. How do I know this to be true? Because Denmark agreed. The Trump team needed a win! And who reads the fine print, anyway?

The wheels are coming off. Don’t stand in the halls of Congress when the stampede begins. The administration lied about the number of US causalities in Mr. Trump’s war for oil dominance in Iran. I’m willing to give the regime the benefit of the doubt as lying is in their nature and in their DNA, and they just can’t help themselves. If you’re ever at the White House and ask. “What time is it?” Get at least two opinions to be on the safe side. Mr. Trump’s dalliance with destruction has ignited protests at the Kennedy Center. It is another sign of the end times as the protesters now move faster than the administration.

This is a petty side note and perhaps too small a complaint amid the overall Trump disaster. But does Mr. Trump ever take that stupid hat off? Mama taught me to take my hat off when indoors. But then again, I’ve never posed for a photograph in the window of Air Force One. It’s just so easy to become jaded in Trump Land. For most of my life, if anything was happening, you could hear about it on the news. Today the opposite is true. If you don’t hear about something, it means that something is going on.

Mr. Trump sent his top military advisors to assist Saudi Arabia in its war with the Houthis. General Moe, General Larry, and General Shemp, General Curley was found to be too woke and out of shape, and was forced into retirement. But we hear nothing about what is going on in that vital theater. Which means of course, that something is indeed going on. After the Battle of Midway, where the Japanese lost four aircraft carriers. The Japanese government decided not to tell the public out of a fear of ruining their day. Sound familiar? Only good news Winston! A new species of cat has been discovered…stop the presses! (Felix Goodnewsaskiss) Wow, there’s some news you can lose. They also might have maybe possibly, could have maybe sort of found signs of life on Mars again. If you call finding the ingredients for life as similar to finding actual life. Good news, Winston!

Mr. Trump has banned CNN, MS Now and Politico from the White House for not being partisan enough towards the administration. The media outlets didn’t specifically do anything to anger the orangatrump. It was just a formality, as they needed an outrageous unconstitutional headline and this one would be meaningless enough. Just a little kindling to fire up the shrinking base. Mr. Trump needed his daily dose of victimhood. The media outlets will sue, and the White House will quietly take them all back. But at this point in the administration, like a house on fire, you can actually see more from the outside.

A recent OX News poll found 76% of OX News viewers believe the administration is all wet about the war in Iran. That would be like 86% in a real poll. But the boys and girls at Ox are struggling, trying to spin straw into gold. There is a genuine frustration as the OX News employees see their chances of becoming the next cabinet secretaries evaporating. It’s real work pedaling lies uphill. The Senate race between the slimy Democrat James Talarico and hero of the Trump legion Ken Paxton, is too close to call! Talarico + 5% and the margin of error is 3%. I told you it was hard.

But stupid is as stupid does. Remember the old expression? “Do right and you never need to apologize for it!” Mr. Trump insisted a few days ago, that Don Junior did nothing wrong by letting a Russian oligarch subsidize Junior’s wedding. Yesterday, however, Mr. Trump announced that Junior had fully reimbursed the oligarch with his own money. Sort of like a shoplifter offering to pay for items after being caught red-handed. Proof positive, the White House owns a calendar.

“I am opposing a social order in which it is possible for one man who does absolutely nothing that is useful to amass a fortune of hundreds of millions of dollars, while millions of men and women who work all the days of their lives secure barely enough for a wretched existence.”
― Eugene Debs

(Dangerous Socialism)