By David Glenn Cox
Eric Schmitt, the Republican Senator from Missouri, (The showed me up state) turn in your Man card. We all get things wrong sometimes. I get things wrong from time to time. The other day, I meant to say bond yields were rising and not falling. But then, I don’t have a staff and congressional office with my name on the door. “Isn’t true, Mr. Smith, that you attended a Hawks vs. Warriors game on February 3rd, 2025?” Not to my recollection. It should be easy enough to determine the difference between the NBA and the Big Ten, shouldn’t it? Isn’t it true that Babe Ruth played for the Cleveland Indians? Isn’t it true Albert Einstein patented the Frisbee in 1849?
But what was the point? What was the connection? What did it prove if Jack Smith had attended the Hawks game? That was the day Fanny Willis admitted to her affair! So, what’s that got to do with the price of applesauce in Okaloosa? Atlanta is a big place. I know, I used to live there. Even if Senator Schmitt had been correct in his assertion, so what? It was all just a part of the grand illusion: Trump revenge tour. A couple of months back, it was Dr. Fauci’s turn in the barrel. Dr. Fauci, knowing it was going to be a witch burning, filled with loaded “gotcha” questions, chose instead to take the Fifth Amendment.
House Republicans were outraged and furious, and swore to bring contempt of Congress charges against that dastardly criminal Fauci. How dare he stand on his lawful constitutional rights? The nerve! “If you kids don’t stop, I’m gonna turn this car around and go right back home!” No charges have been filed yet! We’re still waiting. But in this case, Schmitt got everything wrong. The teams, the cities, the states, and even the gender of the players. Jack Smith admitted seeing the Maryland Terrapins play the Iowa Hawkeyes to see Caitlin Clark play. As Senator Schmitt read from his script, even calling Jack Smith a dirt bag, claiming that he had just perjured himself. “We have the text messages from your staff!” Maybe you had better read them again.
How stupid are these people? Watch this everybody! This is how you win elections! Once we expose Jack Smith, the public will come flocking back to us. High fuel prices or no high fuel prices! President Doofus released a campaign ad using public money. Are they just trying to lose? President Whiner calls it a public service announcement. Of what public service? Who thought that one up? Estimates of Trump’s graft run into the billions of dollars. And he couldn’t pay for his own puffery? Watch me win them all back! Mr. Trump’s polling finds his popularity just above that of genital warts and just below that of high-interest rate credit cards. They have literally built their house on shifting sands of five years ago.
Ask the public about high fuel prices and it gets really ugly. Texas Republican Governor Greg Bubba Abbott has declared a state of emergency over high diesel prices. Mr. Trump holds a fake meeting with the AI producers and announces a scheme where they will all self-regulate themselves. Just trust us, the lions will be nice to the gazelles. They promise! It’s really a race to the bottom. Who or what will destroy the Untied Snakes first? Donald Trump or artificial intelligence?
Peterless Pete Hegseth begins a Pentagon purge, a Coup d’ etat. He plans on cutting the staff of generals and admirals by 20% thereby cutting the Pentagon resistance to his leadership by 20%. Napoleon only appointed 26 Marshalls and never had more than twenty Marshalls at a time. Surely, over two hundred years the workload has expanded. Petey wants to be able to fiddle in the gearbox without so many prying eyes. It sounds like the plot from “Seven Days in May.” The story of a military takeover of the government.
Gee, I wonder why Peckerhead Pete would hatch this plan now? Reports say Petey wants to be president. Apparently, one way or another. A snowball’s chance in hell is putting it mildly. Watch out, JD Vance! Don’t get in the car with the cannolis! “Pull over, I’ve got to take a leak.” Try as I might, my cynical soul can’t come up with any good reason to shake up the already shaken-up military chain of command. Leaders welcome expert advice. Tyrants fire those who give it. Harry Truman once said, “I might not be the smartest man in the room, but I know who it is.” You don’t have to take their advice; you just have to listen to it.
Questions arise about Mr. Trump’s Foxconn, oops, I mean the Iowa steel mill. Or in Mr. Trump’s case, a steal mill. Will it ever produce even a box of paper clips worth of steel? Many a slip between the cup and the lip, as the Iowa State Legislature rushes to hand out tax abatements. (Take my money! Take it now!) Call Wisconsin fellas! Call around and ask about the ten billion dollar Foxconn project. Another mirage Mr. Trump had once painted. Beware of Geeks bearing gifts near Election Day. A Trumpian horse, so to speak.
Mr. Trump says, “We don’t need your stinking Canadian potash! We can get all the potash we want from Belarus!” Belarus answers, “What chu talkin about, Willis?” Apparently, in Mr. Trump’s love letters to Vladimir Putin an arrangement had been discussed, only Belarus was left out of the conversation. Like most everything Mr. Trump announces, it’s a Lie inside of a riddle wrapped in an enigma, inside of a mystery.
Funny story, funny peculiar, not funny ha, ha. The Pentagon announced that billions and billions of barrels of oil are escaping from the Persian Gulf every day. What remarkable timing! The inbred media laps it up with a spoon! Good news everybody! Great big numbers announced against a huge, huge deficit. They’re getting out almost 60% of the world’s daily needs of oil. We’re saved! But even more to the point is that crude oil won’t be refined for at least six weeks, and won’t reach the market until after Thanksgiving.
If at first you don’t succeed, lie, lie again!
“The books are to remind us what asses and fool we are. They’re Caeser’s praetorian guard, whispering as the parade roars down the avenue, “Remember, Caeser, thou art mortal.” Most of us can’t rush around, talking to everyone, know all the cities of the world, we haven’t time, money or that many friends. The things you’re looking for, Montag, are in the world, but the only way the average chap will ever see ninety-nine per cent of them is in a book. Don’t ask for guarantees. And don’t look to be saved in any one thing, person, machine, or library. Do your own bit of saving, and if you drown, at least die knowing you were headed for shore.” ― Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451
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