By David Glenn Cox
So I was watching old movies on Tubi last night, when during a commercial break came an advertisement. A sweet, little, old, grandmotherly type appears. “I don’t always vote in every election.” I assumed it was a get out the vote ad. Good on them for encouraging everyone to vote. But then she continued, It’s important to vote for Republicans. Oh, it’s that kind of get out the vote ad.
Let me ask, why it was so important to vote for Republicans this time? Is it because Republicans are the party of small government and rugged individualism? Is it because Republicans are the party of prosperity and Lazifair government? Or because Republicans are the party of low taxes and harassing minorities? Republicans are the party of gun freedom and cruel abortion restrictions. Or maybe, “It’s important to vote for Republicans this time to rescue the administration of a failing orange madman. “Help Donald Trump keep control of Congress to finish his fatal vision for America? Not a chance!
Donald who? Is he still around? I don’t vote all the time and I don’t keep up with such things or know anything about the issues. High fuel prices don’t affect me. High grocery prices don’t affect me. You can tell by my clothes and my nice home that I already have two chickens in every pot. No, Turning Point USA warns that if you don’t vote Republican this time. The communists will take over! The commies are coming! The commies are coming! The commies are going to get you! They’ll have you breaking rocks in the hot sun working on the new Vladimir Lenin expressway!
No vision for a better America? No Ronald Ray gun’s shining city on the hill? “Mr. Trump, tear down this wall!” You had better vote Republican, or the commies and leftist pinkos will get you! How feeble is that? Remembering these senior citizens are the Republican party’s bread and butter. If they’re worried about senior citizens not voting for Republicans. Holy shit! The advertisement played during every commercial break. Communists everybody! Reds under your beds! Paging: Joe McCarthy! Please pick up on the red courtesy telephone!
No mention of Donald Trump? No red baseball hats? Or giant flags on the back of pickup trucks. No mention of keeping congressional majorities? No, this ad was meant to make you forget all about those good ole days. Never mind how Trump and the Republicans have fucked everything up. Never mind crazy-high fuel prices or falling home prices. We’ve got to stop those commies, everyone! Even though there are no communists running for office anywhere in the United States! But the walk-in bathtub and Fox News crowd doesn’t know that! You might as well say, we’re saving America from Sasquatch or little green men from Pluto. If elected, they’d let Sasquatch play in women’s sports! Your kids would be brainwashed by little green Plutonians. Do you want to take that chance, America?
“A pool table, don’t you understand!
Friend, either you’re closing your eyes
To a situation you do not wish to acknowledge
Or you are not aware of the caliber of disaster indicated
By the presence of pool in your community
Well, ya got trouble, my friend, right here
I say, trouble right here in River City.”
I’m old enough to remember LBJ’s atomic bomb ad. A little girl picking wildflowers with a countdown in the background. Then, Blamo! mushroom cloud city. Elect Barry Goldwater and it could be the end of the world! (In your guts you know he’s nuts!) It referenced a Goldwater statement about nuking the Red Chinese. It was heavy-handed, but not unfair. Goldwater did say he would nuke China if they got in his way. I also remember the racist Willie Horton ad. The Democrats are soft on crime and will let dangerous Negros out of jail if you elect them! The difference was that Goldwater actually said what he was accused of saying. While Michael Dukakis had nothing to do with pardons and paroles in Michigan. In the end, the only thing Dukakis was soft on was Dukakis.
It illustrates just how far gone Republicans actually are. They don’t dare mention the orange blowhard by name. They don’t even hint about the Resident or the Republican congress. They don’t dare mention prosperity or low taxes! The Republicans are down to their last redoubt and saving the last cartridge for themselves.
For Mr. Trump to campaign (sort of) in blood-red Republican districts says enough. But adding dumb fuck to injury is hardly helping their cause. “Come! Hear the Resident of the Untied Snakes! Tonight only! Hear him ramble on incoherently and tell the same stale jokes as last time around. Maybe even mention the candidate’s name once or twice. Donald Trump accidently spoke the truth once, but then he caught himself when he realized it was all too true, and he hasn’t repeated it since. Donald Trump said: “Vote like I’m on the ballot.” Oh, don’t worry about that, Donald, they will.
Donald Trump offers to let truckers use untaxed red diesel fuel. That’s diesel fuel normally allocated for agriculture. The farmers are going to love that idea! Just in time for the harvest too, Donald Trump gives their fuel away to big business! There is a shortage of diesel fuel. Because why? Giving away agricultural fuel is short-sighted. It won’t help the truckers much, but could hurt farmers a great deal. “Farmer’s for Trump!” I heard a manufacturer moaning that the price of shipping a pallet of product has doubled in a week. That’s on freight coming in, and on freight going out. See the sky about to rain?
It’s too late for red diesel; these costs are already baked into the pie. Act in haste and repent in election year. One of the big private equity consortiums heavily involved in AI data centers. Had a motion to limit their AI investment. Instead, the private equity firm voted by 74% to liquidate completely! Shut this motherfucker down and give me back my money before we all go over the cliff with the rest of the lemmings!
There are problems with home mortgages at the usual suspect locations: Texas, Floriduh and Georgia. But there are also new worries in the apartment business. Company A buys a complex for fifty million dollars. They invest in remodeling and up-scaling the apartments. Certain the new amenities will help them garner higher rents. They make a fortune and flip the complex to the next poor sucker. But rising interest rates have cooled demand for upscale apartments and the market for upscale apartment complexes. The goal was to pay for the improvements out of their profits, not out of their own pockets. It’s just like a game of musical chairs and the music just stopped.
Bank of America warns investors that according to their charts and wheels, times are reminiscent of the 1999 dot-com bubble. The economy is headed off a cliff because of Donald Trump and his slavish Republican Party. Because of his trade war and because of his Iran war. The malignant media bluster and coo, “Donald Trump to campaign in Ohio! Donald Trump to campaign in Oklahoma or Texas!” It’s not really national news, but a little Republican campaign pimping never hurt anyone. It’s a free way to keep his name in the press without mentioning any of his disasters. “Yeah! He’s coming to your town! One night only!
“All of you, I am sure, have heard many cries about Government interference with business and about “creeping socialism.” I should like to remind the gentlemen who make these complaints that if events had been allowed to continue as they were going prior to March 4, 1933, most of them would have no businesses left for the Government or for anyone else to interfere with — and almost surely we would have socialism in this country, real socialism.” ― Harry S. Truman
“Why sure, I’m a billiard player
Certainly, mighty proud I say, I’m always mighty proud to say it
I consider that the hours I spend with a cue in my hand are golden
Help you cultivate horse sense and a cool head and a keen eye
Did you ever take and try to find and iron-clad leave for yourself
From a three-rail billiard shot?
But just as I say it takes judgement, brains and maturity to score
In a balkline game, I say that any boob
Can take and shove a ball in a pocket
And I call that sloth the first big step on the road to the depths of deg-ra-day
I say, first, medicinal wine from a teaspoon, then beer from a bottle
And the next thing you know your son is playing for money in a pinch-back suit
And listenin’ to some big outta town jasper, hearin’ him tell about horse race gamblin’
Not a wholesome trottin’ race, no, but a race where they set down right on the horse
Like to see some stuck-up jockey boy, settin’ on Dan Patch? Make your blood boil
Well I should say
Now friends, let me tell you what I mean
You got 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 pockets in a table
Pockets that mark the difference between a gentleman and a bum
With a capital “B” and that rhymes with “P” and that stands for pool
And all week long your River City youth’ll be fritterin’ away
I say, your young men will be fritterin’
Fritterin’ away their noontime, suppertime, choretime too
Get the ball in the pocket, never mind gettin’ dandelions pulled
Or the screen door patched or the beef steak pounded
Never mind pumpin’ any water, ’til your parents are caught with the cistern empty
On a Saturday night and that’s trouble
Yes, you got lots and lots of trouble, I’m thinkin’ of the kids in the knickerbockers
Shirt-tail young ones, peekin’ in the pool hall window after school
You got trouble, folks, right here in River City, trouble with a capital “T”
And that rhymes with “P” and that stands for pool
Now I know all you folks are the right kind of parents
I’m gonna be perfectly frank
Would you like to know what kinda conversation goes on while they’re loafing around that hall?
They be tryin’ out Bevo, tryin’ out cubebs
Tryin’ out Tailor Mades like cigarette fiends
And braggin’ all about how they’re gonna cover up a tell-tale breath with Sen-Sen
One fine night, they leave the pool hall
Heading for the dance at the Arm’ry
Libertine men and scarlet women, and ragtime, shameless music
That’ll grab your son, your daughter with the arms of a jungle, animal instinct
Mass-staria
Friends, the idle brain is the devil’s playground
Trouble (oh, we got trouble)
Right here in River City (right here in River City)
With a capital “T” and that rhymes with “P” and that stands for pool (that stands for pool)
We’ve surely got trouble (we’ve surely got trouble)
Right here in River City (right here)
Gotta figure out a way to keep the young ones moral after school
(Our children’s children gonna have trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble)
Mothers of River City, heed that warning before it’s too late
Watch for the tell-tale signs of corruption
The minute your son leaves the house
Does he re-buckle his knickerbockers below the knee?
Is there a nicotine stain on his index finger?
A dime novel hidden in the corn crib?
Is he starting to memorise jokes from Cap’n Billy’s Whiz Bang?
Are certain words creeping into his conversation
Words like, like “swell”? (Trouble, trouble, trouble)
And so’s your old man? (Trouble, trouble, trouble)
Well if so, my friends, you got trouble (oh we got trouble)
Right here in River City (right here in River City)
With a capital “T” and that rhymes with “P” and that stands for pool (that stands for pool)
We’ve surely got trouble (we’ve surely got trouble)
Right here in River City (right here)
Remember the Maine, Plymouth Rock and the Golden Rule
(Our children’s children gonna have trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble)
Oh, we got trouble, we’re in terrible, terrible trouble
That game with the fifteen numbered balls is a devil’s tool (devil’s tool)
Oh, yes we got trouble, trouble, trouble
(Oh yes we got trouble here, we got big, big trouble)
With a “T” (with a capital “T”)
Gotta rhyme it with “P” (gotta rhyme with “P”)
And that stands for pool (that stands for pool –Meredith Wilson
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