By David Glenn Cox
The curse of Anthony Scaramouche is lifted. All hail the new Trump employment queen. Katie, bar the door, Zacharia. It would be easy to assume Katie got fired just for lying. (I’m an attorney!) But if Trump fired every Cabinet Secretary in his administration who lied, he’d be all alone in that big White House. It’s not that Katie lied, but when Katie lied. She lied in front of the press and in front of Donald Trump. She embarrassed Mr. Trump with her poor lying skills. And that deficiency simply won’t be tolerated!
The rats are suddenly turning on each other. Forbes reports that the idea to slow down Starlink/Starshield, came from inside the White House. (You mean it wasn’t bad weather after all? Say it ain’t so, Joe.) But the White House denies such talk and says the idea for the slowdown came from Elon Musk. (Elon did it! This is all Elon’s doing!) So you can see now what Katie, bar the door, did wrong. Sniping and pointing fingers off camera is okay. Just don’t make the boss look bad in front of the cameras.
But even more important than who turned Starlink down is who turned Starlink back up again. It didn’t turn itself back up! It wasn’t congressional Democrats lighting up the White House switchboard. “Your call is very important to us.” Was it congressional Republicans? “What the fuck are you trying to do to us? We’re out here getting our heads kicked in, and you slowed down the internet on Ukraine?” Or was it the Department of Defense? Not Peterless, Pete Hogsbreath, but the real brass. On Fridays, Pete is meeting in high-level consultations with Johnnie Walker and Jimmy Bean.
Someone turned Starlink back up and was damn quick about it. Ukraine got pounded, and the press was all over it. Zelensky brought the house down when asked if he thought Donald Trump was treating him fairly. Any comedian worth his salt can tell you that a well-timed pause is better than a sharp one-liner. Zelensky listened to the translation thoughtfully, even though he speaks English. Then, he smiled, going further by saying nothing as the room began to chuckle. (at Donald Trump)
In response, Ukraine lifted its self-imposed (Trump-inspired) moratorium on striking Russian oil refineries. Okay, now we’re getting somewhere! Perhaps, the red telephone lit up! And an irate Vladimir Putin was screaming. “You dumb asski! Make them stop! You’re not getting any diesel if I don’t have any damn diesel to give you! Stupid,” Oh, right, Vladimir. I’ll turn it back up right away! Damn stupid Elon! This was all his idea!
After nearly a decade, Elon has a new model automobile coming out. In the commercial and grand premier, it’s a flying car! (Note: The car doesn’t actually fly!) And it has thrusters on it like a rocket ship. (Note: The car doesn’t actually have any thrusters on it.) It is advertised to go from zero to sixty in one second. Making the car incredibly unsafe. Imagine the trouble a motorist could get into at those speeds. It’s the reason they don’t sell Indy cars to the public. But this is Tesla, so it might be true, but probably not. The base price is two hundred thousand dollars. (Note: The actual car costs more than that) if you want all the options, like floor mats, windshield wipers and a life insurance policy. Gimme two!
Cornpone Senator from the late state of Louisiana, John Kennedy, took to the Senate floor to lambast the dimwitt President from Floriduh about his diesel deal with Vladimir Putin. It’s called the falling away.
“Now, when your weapons are dulled, your ardor damped, your strength exhausted and your treasure spent, other chieftains will spring up to take advantage of your extremity. Then no man, however wise, will be able to avert the consequences that must ensue.” – Sun Tzu.
Modern translation: Your friends ain’t your friends no more. You don’t have any friends anymore! It’s every rat for themselves from now on!
Early voting is reported as record breakingly heavy. In Georgia, they’re already lined up out the door like its election day, and not three weeks before election day. The exit polling is dire for Republicans. (Think: Custer on a bad day.) The Republicans pulled five million dollars in funding from North Carolina to shore up Texas. Now, South Carolina is in trouble. Whose dumbass idea was it to run Lindsey Graham’s sister? Oh, right! King Midas Muffler. Whose dumbass idea was it to run Ken Paxton? Oh, right!
With Americans struggling with sky-high fuel costs and Inflation the dimwit President defect takes to the road to talk about himself! Sure, that’s what America is looking for! Delusional leadership that doesn’t talk about the issues. Living in denial, “You know, I was in this fancy French restaurant once!” Building ballrooms and a Dicktory Arch on the Potsdamer Platz. “They love me! They really love me! I must do something nice for them, like making a personal appearance, so they can all come to adore me! Here I am, everyone! It’s true! It’s really me!” But the crowds are thinning, and their jubilation is turning to anger.
People don’t care so much about immigration or men playing in women’s sports anymore while filling up at the gas pump. They used to say that Wall Street was six months ahead of Main Street. But these days, I think it is the other way around. Main Street understands that the economy is headed for real trouble, while Wall Street is still blissfully unaware.
There’s a Gold Rush going on and a Gold Rush mentality. The AI Data Center boom is going to be the greatest thing ever since sliced bologna! We’re all going to get rich, rich, rich! But it’s a gold rush. Some will get rich, rich, rich, while most will come up empty-handed. Like any gold rush, there is never enough money for mining equipment fast enough. Reports say that the AI Data Center boom will require about 8.5 trillion dollars to complete. While all that is available by maxing out every credit card, piggy bank and hedge fund is only around five trillion dollars, leaving a deficit of 3.5 trillion dollars. Just imagine a world without enough money in it!
But they want it! They need it! But then some genius went and pulled out a calculator and discovered there isn’t enough money on Earth. And that means sell, sell, sell! Oh shit, sell! There isn’t enough money, and we’ll all be ruined! The Nasdaq lost over 2% on Friday. But don’t worry. Mr. Trump still has many hilarious anecdotes about his many amazing adventures to amuse you. The Republicans in Congress are falling away. I heard a Republican incumbent last night bragging about his record of voting against Resident Trump.
Rats! Take your places! On your marks, get set! Go! Scurry like the kitchen light just came on! Run away as fast as your fat little legs will carry you! The old duffer is done for! And you never liked him anyway!
“He that is thy friend indeed,
He will help thee in thy need:
If thou sorrow, he will weep;
If thou wake, he cannot sleep:
Thus of every grief in heart
He with thee doth bear a part.
These are certain signs to know
Faithful friend from flattering foe.” – Billy Shakespeare
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