By David Glenn Cox
Loose lips sink ships, so one can only imagine the trouble Donald Trump could cause by flapping his gums about. How do you bury a Trump story about shark attacks and electric boat sinkings? Let’s talk about Milwaukee!
“Milwaukee, where we are having our convention, is a horrible city.”
I’ve been to Milwaukee; it isn’t horrible. It isn’t Chicago but it isn’t Gary, Indiana, either. It’s not the entertainment capital of the world and doesn’t always have the most congenial climate. But for a convention for a couple of days in the summer, it’ll be fine.
If they held the convention in Las Vegas, the delegates would be constantly wandering off distracted by alcohol gambling and hookers. Los Angeles maybe? No. How about Salt Lake City? Don’t look at me like that; it was just a suggestion. How about Omaha or Boise? See? Milwaukee might not be Shangri-La but there are worse places for the bus to break down.
Ask not what Milwaukee can do for you. Ask what you can do for Milwaukee. I was in Cleveland in 2016 when the Republicans held their convention/wake. Restaurants and local merchants had gussied up and added staff in anticipation of all of the fun festivities and frolicking Republicans. The city spent millions cleaning up and trying to look presentable. And all they got for their trouble was a load of heartache and disappointment.
After Trump was nominated, nobody wanted to dance the night away or party till dawn. They wanted to go back to the hotel and try to book an earlier flight out of town. So as Milwaukee opens its checkbook and its welcoming arms, it might not be the picnic they imagine. If I were the Milwaukee tourism director, I might have let this opportunity get past me. You don’t want all the business, just the good business.
What does hosting the Republican National Convention do for Milwaukee? It puts the city in the front rank of America’s cities. The Republicans wouldn’t hold their convention in Prattville, Alabama, or Slidell, Louisiana. Wisconsin is a swing state, throw’ em a bone and see if they sit up.
Republicans move into full damage control mode. He only meant the crime statistics! It’s a wonderful town if you don’t get beaten, robbed or murdered. He was only talking about the Brewers! He never said it! That’s right! He never said it! I was right there in the room with him when he never said it! But come on, let’s be honest here. This isn’t our first rodeo or county fair. This is Donald Trump and somehow someone made an insulting stupid thoughtless comment. Oh, I wonder who it could be? Who could have said such a rude and thoughtless insensitive thing?
Not Donald Trump, oh no, not him. He didn’t say horrible, he said adorable! Yeah, that’s it! Adorable! This is just the preliminaries, wait until they get the stage built. Ringling Brothers Barnum & Bailey three ring shit show on ice! As the Bat signal goes up into the night sky drawing kooks, weirdo’s and lunatics from throughout the metro area and surrounding countryside like moths to a flame.
Anybody who is anybody who is hearing voices in their head or is fearful of an Alien takeover will be in Milwaukee this summer. The lack of significant intelligence or dependable transportation won’t deter them even slightly. They’ll be drawn irresistibly to the Trump shit show like ants to a picnic.
But for Milwaukee what sort of consumers will the Trump afflicted be remains to be seen. Other than mental health services and a few rides to the bus station, how will they access Milwaukee? What sort of souvenirs will they buy? I went to the Republican National Convention in Milwaukee and all I got was this Horrible tee shirt! Here’s a picture of lake Michigan. And here’s a picture of me standing in front of lake Michigan. And here’s another picture of me standing in front of lake Michigan.
But the Trump campaign maxim should be: “Never mind what Trump has already said. Worry about what he is going to say next.”
Modern political conventions are merely stage shows anyway. Broadway comes to Milwaukee! Talk slow, so the yokels can keep up. What doesn’t Donald Trump generally complain about? A grumpy grouchy old man blathering on about whatever gripe hits the synapses of his brain bouncing off and ricocheting out his pie hole. There isn’t going to be much to see in Milwaukee as there is no contest to witness. This is a coronation ceremony. Orange Napoleon crowning himself emperor of Milwaukee.
Scheduling the itinerary is going to be tough; governor so and so, will make a speech praising Republicans and Donald Trump. Then representative what’s his name will make a speech praising Republicans and Donald Trump. Can you say, “Snore fest?” Dull in the Wisconsin Dells? Let’s see, we can go to the cheese factory, or the waterpark or go look at Lake Michigan again.
Milwaukee should be the pinnacle of the 2024 Trump campaign. Think about that! This is the last go round and the last tango in Milwaukee. The convention in Milwaukee should be Trump’s peak and yet it seems almost like a valley. Trump has no message to send but anger and no policy to explain, only gripes and complaints. I’d wager his eggs were too runny on Monday and too hard on Tuesday. Too cold on Wednesday and too hot on Thursday. And Friday, he had cereal, and the milk was too warm.
The cleaners didn’t have his suit back on time and they’re all out of Diet Coke. The limo needed a wash job and driver took the turns too hard and somebody busted a ketchup bottle against the wall!
Hello everyone! I’m so glad to be back in this horrible city of yours! God, what a shit hole! How do you people stand this? This sucks balls now, and they say the winters are even worse! How about that Joe Biden, huh?
“While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.” ― Groucho Marx
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