I’ve Saved Your Grandkids a Fortune

Falling through the universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

 Joe Biden’s $1.9 Trillion Covid -19 relief package has been passed through the Congress without a single Republican vote. Mealy mouth Mitch declares the package wasteful and unneeded. Just a big waste of money and it’s gonna rain frogs and pop tarts on all of us and you’ll all be sorry when Jesus returns and wants to know who was passing out checks. Follow along; Mitch says the stimulus is doomed to failure and we’re all going to regret it. Then with the wisdom of Solomon says, the stimulus won’t work and if it does work and the economy recovers, it is not because of Joe Biden’s stimulus package.

It’s magic! We have done enough. Mitch and the Republicans bet the house, your house the economy won’t recover. “Yeah, if we can make enough people miserable enough, maybe we can take over the house in 2022. So, everybody vote “No.” That way fat orange Elvis will shine down his continence upon us. The Republican Party stands unified, “No!” No aid for state and local government and no aid for the unemployed, no aid for schools, no aid for small business and no aid for the hungry. Our children and grandchildren will curse our names for incurring this debt. The same way we curse our forebears for the debt they incurred by WW2. Huey Long once observed, that the state is always in debt and will always be in debt. The only question is, what did we get for our money?

I can’t remember a time when either Party went all in to go null on one hand of cards. “This better work because if Americans are prosperous two years from now, we’re screwed.” Because of the fat orange Elvis syndrome, the Republican’s would say no to evacuating the Capitol after a fire alarm, if the Democrats suggested it. They paint themselves into the corner of no return by voting “No” against a bill with 70% approval, including tens of millions of Republicans. You know, those Republican small businessmen, entrepreneurs, back bone of the economy. You know, those people they liked brag on as pulling themselves up by their own bootstraps. “They built one business; maybe they can build another.” The Republicans see it is a safe bet these suburban voters would rather lose everything and sleep in the street than support the Democrats and Joe Biden.

When the New Deal proposed the WPA it was also polarized. Republicans gave their grandfather’s speeches on the dangers of creeping Socialism from the well of Congress while American’s starved. Kansas City, Kansas, had a Republican Congressman and Kansas City, Missouri, had a Democrat. As the projects began to take off and Kansan’s watched enviously from across the river as Missourian’s went to work. They asked, “Why don’t we have any WPA projects on our side of the river? They called their Congressman, and he called the White House to find out why? Because you voted against it! You can’t honestly expect us to start projects in your district after you said you didn’t want any.

Well maybe if we just do nothing it will all go away. The iceberg will just melt, and the ship will heal all by itself and then it is on to New York. The Bible says that it is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness. The Republican’s counter, “you know candles are mighty expensive and being in the dark isn’t so bad.” They would rather vote against lifeboats and try to convince the public it’s a nice day to go for a swim. “You don’t want to get in “those” rickety old lifeboats of Joe Biden’s. I’d rather starve than get in one of those. We have said no to rescuing the American people for your sake. Quit trying to push your shopping cart away from me when I’m talking to you and come over here and say thank you. No, I don’t have any spare change man, no I won’t give you a dollar.

The reading and writing Republicans plan their escape before the roof falls in leaving control of the Party to Moe, Hawley and Boebert. The insurrectionist wing of the Party is long on rhetoric and short on competence, “How do you work the copy machine again?” Just because I’m prolife doesn’t mean that I’m pro eating or pro shelter. What you need is gun Bunkie! Oh my God, look what they’ve done to our sacred Potato Head! He’s wearing a dress! You know in the Bible; in the book of Betty Crocker it says that it’s just wrong for a potato to wear dress. They can wear cheese or gravy, but not a dress and only if it matches their eyes.

This Faux News Alert: Millions of Americans are now fighting obesity by fasting and sleeping outdoors to protest government regulation.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I come to you today a Conservative Republican asking for your vote. I got a gun under my pillow and affiliations with certain nighttime organizations of the Caucasian persuasion. (wink, wink.) When the big government of Joe Biden tried to help you. I said, “No!” When he tried to help your kids, I said, “No!” When Joe Biden tried to help your employer to get you your job back, I said, “No!” I said, “No” to the unemployed and I said, “No!” to assisting the hungry. In short, even though you might live in misery today, I’ve saved your grandkids a fortune. And no, I don’t need my windshield washed and I don’t have any spare change man.

“All of you, I am sure, have heard many cries about Government interference with business and about “creeping socialism.” I should like to remind the gentlemen who make these complaints that if events had been allowed to continue as they were going prior to March 4, 1933, most of them would have no businesses left for the Government or for anyone else to interfere with.”
― Harry S. Truman

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