“Do You Ever Fantasize About Older Men Jimmy?”

By David Glenn Cox

Sometimes it seems what is actually a bad thing, is really a good thing. If you’ve ever gone to take out the trash and found a possum or a raccoon in your trash can, you know what I mean. They are the one trapped in your trash can, yet they bare their teeth and hiss fiercely. Not because they are strong, but because they are weak.  They fear the end is near and are willing to raise their voice another octave or another decibel, attempting to survive. “Come on, who is with me here? Let’s hang em!”

Stir the fire, stir the pot. The last chance for the offensive to reach Antwerp. And if it doesn’t? Oh well, never mind, it won’t matter then. The stumbling car engine and you know instinctively, that if you don’t keep your foot to the floor. The engine will stop dead. It might sound like you’re trying to race someone, but it’s only engine trouble.

Fear conjoined with energy is frenzy. You can’t have a good witch trial or lynching without frenzy. Add in the fear, that it is all somehow slipping away, and something must be done about it! “I’ve got it! We will come up with the most heinous and repressive bill we can think of. And then, we will force it on school children.”

This is where the frenzy comes in. “Oh, that’s a terrible idea. Let me add my terrible idea to yours, and we’ll have a super terrible idea. A terrible idea that all the Conservatives can rally around, and we can be heroes again, just like in the old days. Bad horse meets bad committee.

I would stake my entire “People’s Court” legal training. That Florida’s “Don’t Say Gay Bill” will be struck down by the first court that ever hears it. If it ever even sees the light of day. “And there’s one smoking a joint and that one’s got spots! If I had my way…” But it’s only a fan dance, in an attempt keep the crowd’s attention after fat orange Elvis has left the building. “See? See? We can be repressive and cruel too! “Burn the witches! Burn the witches!”

Under the proposed terms of the bill, if your child comes out to a school official, counselor or principal. The school would then be required to inform the child’s parents. The same underfunded school where you need a note from your parents to get an aspirin. The adult only wants to know about your child’s sex life or their aspirations towards one, after their solo career. Adults interrogating minor children about sex, what could go wrong?

 “Come on Jimmy, we’re your friends. You can tell us; you don’t like football and you drive a Prius. Tell us why, we won’t tell anyone.”

“I noticed that you signed up for auto shop and basketball Janie. Is there anything that you’d like to tell me about?” Firstly, is the idea that there is something going on that we need to talk about. There is nothing going on sexually in Florida schools, that hasn’t been going on around the world for thousands of years. Some kids are Gay, so what, get over it! Setting up a law or a Dragnet to try and identify them is to imply that there is some reason to set them apart and identify them.

“Mr. & Ms. Johnson, I’ve arranged this parent teacher conference because it’s come to our attention. Danny’s P.E. Coach has noticed that Danny has freckles. We’re you aware of that? Has Danny been trying to hide that from you? Did you ever suspect, when he was younger?”

Even children have the right to privacy. The right not to be interrogated about their personal lives, unless either laws have been broken or people are in danger. Fair is fair, if it’s bad to teach children about sex in schools, it’s just as bad to ask them about it.

Jews, Blacks or Gays it is really nothing new. To find a perceived minority enemy and set upon them. And in this case, a minor perceived enemy.

It is truly shocking in its scope. And to think, we once boycotted South Carolina over a flag. “How are we going to do this? After we browbeat the kid into a confession, how do we rat em out to the parents? Basically, the bill says, “we’ll figure that out later, I’m sure you’ll come up with really something good.” And that alone, tells you that this bill is a ruse. That it wouldn’t stand judicial muster on any number of challenges. “Just pretend to build a car, you won’t need an engine. We aren’t going any place in it.”

But it’s fighting the last war, who fights battles over being Gay anymore, but the desperate. “Yes, but ours is different, we’re attacking minors!” Willing to go over the top extreme, attempting to rally the troops, that the battles not already lost. Join us; we’re fighting the forces of evil! The Public Schools and Gayness! And we’re fighting books and books about Gayness!

They are trying to rally the faithful by singing to the choir. The bill will not gain them one single adherent, as it only appeals to those already on their side of the street. It signals weakness and appeals only to the sure-fire hate channels. And in its extremity, will only produce a more significant counter result. In their desperation, they look for anything to hang on to. “We can still attack Gays! At least the little one’s, still in school!”

How many Florida kids are busting a gut to come out to their P.E. Coach, shop teacher or school counselor now? Somewhere between zero and very few. But Florida Republican officials hope to make that conversation about sexual proclivities and practices between a minor and a controlling adult legal in Florida. “Do you ever fantasize about older men Jimmy?”

I remember a few years ago, reading about an anti-gay, Republican California legislator who was caught inside a Gay club. They caught him because they found his state car in the parking lot. I don’t care if you’re Gay, or if you drink in a Gay bar. I don’t even care if you’re the worst dancer in the whole club.

Just don’t drive your state car to the bar! But that seems to be a pattern with state legislatures interested in lowering the age of consent, or having conversations about sex with minors. It is probably because they have young friends or because they want too.

Matt Gaetz knows; there is only one reason an adult asks a child about sex, of any kind.