How is this Good for My Career?

By David Glenn Cox

So, there have been these whispers Noem is out. Surprise! I don’t want to beat a dead horse here or be the canary in the coal mine. But doggone! One of the most rapid political self-destructions in recent memory. Obviously, that dog won’t hunt.

But I began to ask myself; who (in their right mind) would actually want the job as Trump’s VP. In light of Mike Pence’s unfortunate experiences. You remember! The angry mobs calling for his murder and all. I know that would probably discourage me from applying. Coworkers putting pressure on you to commit felonies and stuff. Hellzapoppin, crazy talk in the halls and anything can happen.

This is the job for the campaign strategist; they don’t personally care if Noem has inappropriate animal husbandry skills and a mean streak.(I said, Sit! Damn it!)  But it’s a bad visual for middle America. Remember now, this isn’t just any Vice President, this is Donald Trump’s Vice President. You’d have to have rocks in your head. Ask yourself: How is this good for my career?

Look around the room and name the Trump associates and alumni, who have moved on to better things. It’s like radioactive man, and it is only a matter of time before you shrivel and die. Your lifeless carcass then thrown to the wolves, just like the rest. It could be that Trump’s short list is just that.

“Well thank you sir, I’m very honored by your offer. But unfortunately, I’ll have to pass. I need to spend more time with my wife and kids. I mean if I had any kids. But it’s a real delicate time for my model railroading club and I’m in a bowling league!”

Four years living at the Naval Observatory and maybe an equal term living in a Federal prison. Most likely, you become a forgotten footnote of history. Time was, being a Republican Vice President could lead to the Oval Office. Just look at what it did for Dan Quayle. But Trump’s Vice President? That’s probably not going to happen. Cast your fate to the whirlwind! Roll them bones and see what fate has in store for you as Trump’s next running mate.

Like Mama always said; if you lay down with dogs, you’ll wake up with fleas. You are marked for the rest of your life as Trump’s running mate. Like a fired Fox News anchor, it’s hard to get another job anyplace else after that. Like a sex scandal without the sex. You just get all the negatives and not the sex. You get the name recognition, only it’s in the wrong direction.

It is a suicide squeeze. Sign on the dotted line. The orange devil is smiling and holding the pen for you. A Twilight Zone episode where you ask the devil for a real important job, a job which doesn’t require much in the way of day-to-day actual work, in exchange for your soul.

 “I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON’T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.” ― Groucho Marx

Likewise, any Trump running mate would disqualify themselves by virtue of accepting any Trump offer. Your reputation could be damaged just by a casual association with these rumors. North Dakota Governor and total unknown, Doug Burnham and his spouse have been playing the footsie game down Mar-A-Lago way. I like you. Do you like me? (Sucker!)Spending Easter Sunday with the Trumps! Gimme dat old time religion, working on Easter Sunday. Trump forgoing his normal solemn religious practices to try out a new jail dummy.

Burnham is from middle America, white married and a little dim, but he’s never hurt any animals. He’s perfect! Mike Pence 2.0 or Corey and Trevor 2.0!

This is one of the most obvious political no brainers ever! Call Mike Pence! Ask him! Get the inside dope now before you sign on the dotted line. “What might my job duties entail as Donald Trump’s Vice President?” Oh, you know, just the usual stuff. Funerals, insurrections and ribbon cutting ceremonies. Don’t listen to Mike Pence, he’s just a poor sport. I asked him to do One Thing for me, that’s gratitude for you!

But why? Why oh why, would a sane person curry favor for the attempt? Oh! Oh! Me! Me! Me! Pick Me! I want to destroy my career! Any person attempting to achieve this lofty position is immediately disqualified for lacking vision and common sense. The tide going out here and the keg is mostly foam by now. Does Doug know what time it is? Hitching his wagon to a falling star and getting into a stranger’s car unaware of who is driving or where the final destination will lead them.

 Doug being from North Dakota means he brings no coat tails to the table. Like Mike Pence brought no coat tails, they bring nothing. Just stand there and try to look important! It’s not really a job; it’s really more of a position. A missionary position because the lucky candidate is probably going to get Fuc(disappointed)ked.

Ask yourself, which one you would choose? Behind door number one is a bank robbery netting you over a million dollars with a 50/50 chance of getting away. Or you can become Donald Trump’s running mate, what’s it going to be? Either way you will probably end up with a criminal record. But with the bank robbery, you get a million dollars.

Could you imagine breaking the news to your spouse? “Honey, Donald Trump wants me to be his running mate.”

Groucho Marx couldn’t be Trump’s running mate, Groucho once said, “I once shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I’ll never know.”