By David Glenn Cox
I was listening to Ken Starr on the radio during President Trump’s Impeachment trial and it occurred to me that Insomnia is curable! I know this to be true due to Ken Starr’s performance. As I listened to his nursery school soothing smooth patter, “You know boys and girls the President really isn’t guilty. Everyone is just making it up because they don’t like him and are mean to him.” I was suddenly overwhelmed with tiredness; my eyelids grew heavy as I slumped in my seat. Unable to help myself my eyes began to close. Only the horns blowing from oncoming traffic saved me.
Starr used an approach only his unique experience could provide. He argued that once upon a time impeachment was only used in the gravest of circumstances. That in the politics of modern times impeachment had become a political weapon. Come on! Give it up for the boy! That takes balls! It’s the defense of a suspect who murdered his parents and throws himself on the mercy of the court because he is an orphan. So. Let’s recap, lying to a Grand Jury about a private consensual affair is an outrageous violation of the Constitution worthy of impeachment. Using the office of the Presidency to orchestrate phony investigations into a political rival with somebody else’s money is purely political.
Then came Mr. Sekulow, I won’t try and bore you with facts and figures (because we have none) rather I’d like to take this time to obfuscate the issues! Did you know? That President Trump has allocated more lethal aid to Ukraine than President Obama did? Correct me if I’m wrong…was that one of the charges? You knew sooner or later Obama’s name would come up. It’s like a drinking game, every time they say Obama you have to down your shot.
Then came Mr. Philbin to explain the legalities, these subpoenas were clearly illegitimate they had been perforated by a number seven staple in an area clearly marked, “Do not bend fold or mutilate.” Whereas the universal commercial code of 18 and 47 sets about the right of a Chief Executive to raise and keep chickens outside of designated areas despite county or provincial boundary lines or regulations. Why as was affirmed in the precedent case of Gobble Tee versus Gook, the Supreme Court found that a dog cannot be put down unless it kills three or more chickens in one event! That is, a President who attempts to bribe, black mail or extort a foreign leader cannot be found guilty if he or she can manufacture nonsensical reasons to ignore a co-equal branch of government. Because no case against a President can proceed, if President doesn’t agree to the rules of the investigation.
I didn’t go to law school because I didn’t think I was smart enough. Now I know better. Several times the President’s attorneys fell back on the old saw that there weren’t any direct witnesses to the President’s crime. Glass house meet stone, “Your honor my client is innocent even if they do find the gun he hid in the woods under the big rock by the rusted car!” Not since the Three Stooges tried to sell Brighto have I seen such a performance. Even trying to resuscitate the career of Rudy Giuliani. Mr. Giuliani is “America’s Mayor” known around the world as a “tough crime buster.” Somehow Rudy Giuliani as Elliot Ness is thought to be plausible. But this defensive action was taken because as the key eye witness John Bolton described Giuliani …as a hand grenade. In the words of a TV informercial…But wait, there’s more!
The New York Times has reportedly seen a draft of John Bolton’s new book due to be released in March. In it, Bolton affirms the drug deal, affirms the crime and ascribes the blame to none other than Donald John Trump! The administration’s plan…declare executive immunity. The administration claims Trump’s National Security adviser had no direct knowledge of anything involving Ukraine and or foreign policy and that Trump’s reason for firing Bolton was largely because Trump thought he was a doorman. Check it out, he knows nothing, but can’t be allowed to testify because its secret. A book, about to be an Amazon best seller is covered under Executive Immunity and cannot be used against the President by an eye witness. He can sell millions of copies of his book to every household in America, but he cannot testify to it in a court of law. What do you do for an encore?
You put Hunter Biden on trial. You see, in Trumper Trumper land, if you suspect a foreign nation of corruption, you send your personal lawyer Rudy Giuliani to find out. The Justice Department? They’re just for self-serving legal justifications. The military says they’re clean. Yeah, but what do they know better send Rudy. Rudy says he was in Ukraine to dig up dirt on the Biden’s. The ultimate Irony of all, proving with certainty that is there is no bottom was when lawyer Herschmann, lectured us all on the civic responsibility of divesting ourselves from any appearance of conflict of interest. Hunter Biden shouldn’t have used his family influence to get that job at Burisma. That was wrong! But what about Trump? And what about the Trump family?
Yeah, but what does Hunter Biden know about a gas company? Hunter Biden is a Yale trained attorney he knows nothing about gas companies just as a plumber at NASA knows nothing about rockets. He’s not been accused of any crime yet they question how much money he made. I knew a guy who was a straw boss on a construction project in Egypt, he made four times what he could make in the states. So, I imagine a Yale trained attorney would do alright. But! This is the President’s best defense! Smear Hunter Biden.
Did you know…there are two Sekulow’s representing the President? Jay Sekulow we all know, but there is another Sekulow. Jordan his son. I wonder how Jordan got that prestigious high paying job? I wonder how much Jordan makes at that prestigious high paying job. Say, Mr. Herschmann! Talk to Jay and Jordan about the appearance of impropriety!