Save the Tiger

Falling through the universe at the speed of life
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By David Glenn Cox

Well, at least some questions are finally answered. About Aliens I mean, we went about it the wrong way, but I feel the answer is definitive. If some alien travelling through space and time happened upon the Earth, they would probably say, “Stop! Oh my god we’ve got to help them.” This would be aliens of average intelligence taking pity on a comparable life form. Super intelligent beings would keep going looking at us like a drunk in the gutter. “Nope! This one can’t be helped.” I imagine that somewhere up in space is a yellow police tape cordoning off the Earth to protect innocents in the area.

Do you know who lives on the sunny side of the street? Donald Trump he’s got to be the luckiest S.O.B. on the planet. Failure follows him clinging to him like the odor of hot dog shit on a cold morning and yet, he keeps going. There was a movie years ago, “Save the Tiger” with Jack Lemmon. The movie opens on a swimming pool at dawn. Steam rising, behind it a mansion in Beverly Hills. You go through one day of this poor bastard’s life and see what he has to do to keep his mansion in Beverly Hills. You begin envious and end up feeling sorry for the guy.

And this guy was burdened with the truth. He had a conscience and felt bad for the crimes he committed. Now imagine the mental gymnastics of Donald Trump. He flies through the air with the greatest of ease he’s the daring fat man on the mental trapeze. Sailing effortlessly through the cranium turning flips navigating the next crime. Like a pinball machine with a hundred silver steel balls bouncing from bumper to bumper wildly. Lights flashing, bell’s ringing the free game counter spinning out of control.  Like a serial killer you’d rather kill them but part of you wants to study their brain. Hello Clarisse!

Anyway, the United States will officially surrender to the Taliban in Afghanistan. Of course, the memo didn’t quite phrase it like that, they called it “A PEACE AGREEMENT!” Yeah! Can you imagine if Obama tried something like this? Under the terms of the “agreement”, the US will take their shit and git. The Taliban agrees to make nice and promises never to use terrorism ever again anymore. Financial terms weren’t disclosed, but I imagine the new car business in Kabul is pretty good about now. We fought a nineteen-year war for a promise… to be good?

We sign an agreement with the same political party we vowed to remove. Imagine if at the end of WW2, we signed a peace agreement with the “New” Nazi Party but they’ve promised to be good this time. Like the battle of the Teutoburg Forest the mighty Roman legions were humbled by the barbarians.  And yet this S.O.B. is proud of it! And get’s away with it, let’s review: Donald Trump, Vladimir Putin, revolving door White House, Crimes o plenty, alternative truth, the Mueller Report, the whistle blower, the impeachment, the sham trial all in three years and now abject surrender. And yet, on any street corner in America you’ll find a Joe Six-pack saying, “I don’t know, Bernie Sanders is a Socialist.”

The media talk about him like he’s this unknown quantity. He’s been in Congress for thirty years. Captain Queeg is on the bridge, and there’s a storm raging and your worried about Bernie? He’s too radical? Healthcare for all is radical? Taking care of the environment is radical? No, what is radical is Bernie has a plan to make these things happen, and it just looks radical when compared with other candidates offering to continue with more of the same. “Why I remember back when Barack said to me. Joe, he says, he always called me Joe. Joe, my friend I need your advice because I know you and you’re the only one I can trust in this big ole crazy world of ours.”

Well, yes, I can see how radical Bernie might appear to be radical next to that. Mayor Pete, this is one smart guy and smart politician. He’s slicker than moly grease on a concrete floor. He’s run a near flawless first-time national campaign. Think of all the great candidates that couldn’t manage to do that. Michael Dukakis in a tank, Howard Dean’s scream or Hillary Clinton being Hillary Clinton. Mayor Pete has an impressive resume. Just being Gay and getting elected in Indiana says something for him. But Truman had been a judge in Missouri for twelve years before going to Congress. FDR had been the Governor of New York for eight years before becoming President. It’s a long way from doing a good job at the bus company to flying the space shuttle.

I think Elizabeth Warren would make a great running mate only the geography isn’t right. Dick Cheney lived in Texas but declared Wyoming his home state since Bush was from Texas. Warren from Massachusetts and Sanders from Vermont, if she could declare Florida her home state, she’d be perfect. The Republican with money Mike Bloomberg is the problem, not the solution. For it is written; the messiah shall not also operate a Seven Eleven and the arsonist shall not become fire chief!

But in the immortal words of Jim Lovell, “Houston, there’s a problem.” Insanely low interest rates for a decade have forced capital into stocks. The number of stocks worth having is limited so by their limited number, the value of the stock rises in competition with other high value stocks. There are only so many shares of Microsoft, and it’s only going to be higher tomorrow.  But the corona virus has disrupted the world economy in a way never imagined. The only tool available to fight an economic slowdown is by lowering interest rates which are already too low. It would be like cancelling all the night games in the National league or outlawing Bingo, it won’t do a bit of good.

Especially by the big ape in Chief and his gang of jibbering sycophants. D.J. Trumps luck just run out, for it is written, He who lives by the stock market shall die by the stock market. Inside of that skull the pinball machine just went, “Tilt.”

So, I suppose any passing aliens that did stop might say, “You know, it’s none of my business, but I think you need change, radical change. Then they would fly off and talk about us behind our back and tell stories about the crazy Mofo’s they met over in this part of the galaxy.

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